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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask her to bring buffet food?

178 replies

alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 16:42

My parents are coming to us this year for Christmas. I asked mum if she would mind bringing some buffet bits for the evening.. like a prawn cocktail, satay chicken or sausage rolls, or that kind of thing.
She's said that's ridiculous I asked and her and dad will have Christmas at home. I didn't think it was out of order to ask?

OP posts:
Hatty65 · 17/12/2023 16:51

Are they just coming for the day? I'd be a bit taken aback at having to provide evening buffet if I was going to someone's house for Christmas. Surely after a big meal you won't want much supper?

And it's a pain to have to come up with stuff if you're a guest somewhere.

ginasevern · 17/12/2023 16:52

Well, it totally depends on what is considered normal in your family, what has happened in previous years and what everyone's financial circumstances are. Personally I would never ask my mum and dad to bring food for Christmas or any other time I invited them but more context of your situation is needed really.

ReviewingTheSituation · 17/12/2023 16:54

If they're coming to stay then not unreasonable. If it's just for the day, then surely you take on hosting duties.

My parents will be here 3 days I imagine, and they're bringing cheese and brandy butter (the latter is a long standing tradition), but other than that, we will feed them!

Original poster
alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 16:55

Usually every Christmas we go to theirs. They do dinner around 2-3pm and then a buffet tea around 9pm.

It's always a nice buffet so I just said would you mind picking up a few bits for it.. we've not done one before so I'm just panicking we're going to forget things.

They only live a 5 minute walk away.

Finances are not the issue from their side or ours.

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2023 16:56

Bringing something to contribute to the family celebration is just polite. Many hands make easy work and all.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/12/2023 16:57

So you go to them and they provide food

So if they come to you , you should provide the food

So yes not surprises mum was a bit what the hell

Raindancer411 · 17/12/2023 16:58

I think that was a bit of an extreme reaction on her behalf.

Original poster
alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 16:58

She knows I've not done it before, me and my partner are both a bit skatty at the best of times so I just asked her to bring a few bits. Also would help as we don't have much fridge space. I meant like probably what £10 worth of stuff.. I'd even send her the cash for it tbh but I just wanted her to pick as I know she'd make a good choice!

But now toys out of the pram and she's not coming at all.

OP posts:
theduchessofspork · 17/12/2023 16:59

Well you can just ask her what she gets surely?

If you are taking the turn of host yes it’s a bit ridiculous

Original poster
alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 17:01

She's an alcoholic so the main reason we asked them to come to us is we hoped she wouldn't get drunk if she came to ours as 2 years running now she's got drunk and ruined the day x

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 17/12/2023 17:01

I don't think you did anything wrong OP

surreygirl1987 · 17/12/2023 17:01

So you don't take anything when she hosts but you're expecting them to bring stuff when you host? That's totally unreasonable.

Christmassss · 17/12/2023 17:01

Do you usually take things to their house for the evening buffet?

ChatBFP · 17/12/2023 17:01

Sounds as if she wants an excuse to stay at home and drink....

Original poster
alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 17:02

If she'd asked me I would've happily picked bits up. Nothing I would bring would be good enough I'm sure anyway

OP posts:
ChatBFP · 17/12/2023 17:02

(My parents would have no issue bringing something to help me out)

Original poster
alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 17:03

@ChatBFP I think that might be the case. She can stay home and drink herself into a coma if she wants I can't be arsed with her. She never comes to me. Never comes for a cup of tea or to see kids, I always have to go to hers. We've had a new kitchen 6 months don't think she's even seen it

OP posts:
Prinnny · 17/12/2023 17:04

I can see why they’d be put out if they normally provide you with everything.

Having not done it before is a bit of a shitty excuse tbh, just do what they do or go to M&S and grab some of there 4 for 3 party platters, it’s really not that hard.

Lilithlogic · 17/12/2023 17:04

Could you arrange to go food shopping together and get some pointers of what to buy?

HalebiHabibti · 17/12/2023 17:04

Did you explain that you asked her to bring stuff because her buffet is always great and you were worried yours wouldn't live up to it? Add in the note that you're happy to pay her for it and the situation may seem very different to her.

Iknowtheyareusefulstorage · 17/12/2023 17:04

Has there been some sort of mis-communication?

Perhaps your mum was looking forward to a Christmas where someone else was cooking for a change and thinks you've asked her to do the whole evening buffet? Does sound like a bit of an over-reaction from her though.

I am sure you can manage to make a good job of a buffet even with limited space and experience. Google some ideas!

Tbf, I would take something if I was going to someone's for Christmas - I'd ask or (if the answer was no) bring a bottle and a fancy cheese or chocs, perhaps she was planning to bring lovely gifts and now feels put upon?

I don't know - communicate!

DoAWheelie · 17/12/2023 17:05

Ask for prawns!

WhichIsItWendy · 17/12/2023 17:05

Eugh what a drama queen she is.

I wonder OP if she's used this as an excuse not to come (and to drink instead). Any old excuse would have done it.

"No worries mum, sorry that offended you. Hopefully we'll see you over the period at one point".

HalebiHabibti · 17/12/2023 17:05

alwaystired1988 · 17/12/2023 17:03

@ChatBFP I think that might be the case. She can stay home and drink herself into a coma if she wants I can't be arsed with her. She never comes to me. Never comes for a cup of tea or to see kids, I always have to go to hers. We've had a new kitchen 6 months don't think she's even seen it

Tbf, this may be true too

mynameiscalypso · 17/12/2023 17:05

I've asked my parents to bring wine for Christmas because they have nicer tastes than I do. No biggie. I agree with PP that I think your mum is looking for an excuse to stay home and drink. I'm sorry, it must be really tough for you Flowers