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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
Hollyhead · 16/12/2023 22:35

Honestly it’s good to be thrifty but a phone you can’t update anymore will be a false economy if you get hacked!

webbydeb · 16/12/2023 22:35

Do they also come to London to dine at the Ivy and take loads of pictures of their steaks.

melmos · 16/12/2023 22:35

Imaginary friends are the worst!

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:37

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 22:33

You’re inventing things to pretend to be annoyed at so you can tell people you’ve no mortgage. Absolutely no one calls their fridge by its brand name and well you know it.

A woman we know literally calls her fridge 'the Smeg'

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 16/12/2023 22:37

You’re just as boastful as them in your own way.

Tinkerbyebye · 16/12/2023 22:37

I had a friend who was like this, no money, little food, etc I was seriously concerned then found out they were updating this, doing that, paying for xyz and I dont worry anymore.

I save up for stuff, they use cards and pay it off. Each to their own

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:38

webbydeb · 16/12/2023 22:35

Do they also come to London to dine at the Ivy and take loads of pictures of their steaks.

No, but the Shard has become a favourite among these aspirational folk. They got it from the travelers. Lots of traveler couples in our area have been going to the Shard to eat, so now they've gone for anniversaries and such. And made sure to post it everywhere.

OP posts:
Circularargument · 16/12/2023 22:39

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:58

Ehhh, not jealous in the slightest. Got no mortgage and my car's almost older than me with about 200k on the clock, and it's never let me down. Would take that trusty steed over a leased 23 plate Beemer any day, would rather people know I own my crappy old car than know I pay through the arse on it every month and it'll never be mine.

But jealousy is the ONLY explanation! Everyone wants that lifestyle, Everyone! Didn't you get the memo?

I agree with you, I could actually afford a lot more than I have but it doesn't interest me.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:40

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 22:34

You've clearly spent a lot of time composing this post. But it seems mainly just to brag that you've paid off your mortgage. Other people have different, perhaps less sensible, priorities to you. So what. Live way your life the way you want and stop craning your neck to see what others are up to.

Honestly it wasn't hard.
We bought an absolute shit heap for next to nothing and put blood sweat and tears (and physical labour, lots of it) into renovation. I think it near killed me.

OP posts:
venetiancleaning · 16/12/2023 22:40

I think in this situation it's best not to see what they're doing. I'd perhaps take a social media hiatus if it's bothering you to this extent.

Great that you're making wise financial choices - the disposable income to do what makes YOU happy is by far better.

NoraBattysCurlers · 16/12/2023 22:40

melmos · 16/12/2023 22:35

Imaginary friends are the worst!

Certainly in this case 😊

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 22:40

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 22:34

You've clearly spent a lot of time composing this post. But it seems mainly just to brag that you've paid off your mortgage. Other people have different, perhaps less sensible, priorities to you. So what. Live way your life the way you want and stop craning your neck to see what others are up to.

Dunno about sensible. It sounds like possibly the only grains of truth in OP’s post are that she has spent several decades living in a depressing town surrounded by people she doesn’t like and making no moves to change anything.

Barnowlsandbluebells · 16/12/2023 22:41

Sounds like they just like to moan but in reality they have lots of disposable income. Perhaps they're not aspirational but genuinely well off. If you're truly happy with your life, why does it bother you so much?

Maddy70 · 16/12/2023 22:41

I couldn't care less how other people choose to spend their money you seem rather overinvested in their finances

BabyMinnie · 16/12/2023 22:42

I love being WC. When my friends and I say we’re broke, we’re actually fucking broke. No showing off on SM because we genuinely don’t have money!

Ireolu · 16/12/2023 22:42

Delete Facebook/Instagra??...you don't need to explain your lifestyle and neither do they.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 22:43

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:40

Honestly it wasn't hard.
We bought an absolute shit heap for next to nothing and put blood sweat and tears (and physical labour, lots of it) into renovation. I think it near killed me.

Great. Then get on with your life and concentrate on yourselves. And let others do as they see fit.

Have you always lives in the same small town? I just can't imagine being this invested in how my friends and acquaintances live their lives.

A bit of travel might do you the world of good.

Pigeon31 · 16/12/2023 22:43

I would consider upgrading your phones to ones that get security patches (unless they're not smartphones in which case fine)

Treesinmygarden · 16/12/2023 22:45

I'm struggling to understand why you care so much?

I couldn't give a shiny shit about anyone but myself and my family.

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:45

Print screens of the posts on social media done yet @balsamshill ??? Don't forget to block out their photos and names. Looking forward to seeing them.

whaysbirn · 16/12/2023 22:45

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:37

A woman we know literally calls her fridge 'the Smeg'

@MiddleParking i have to say I know people who specifically name brands when talking about their appliances

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 22:45

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 22:40

Dunno about sensible. It sounds like possibly the only grains of truth in OP’s post are that she has spent several decades living in a depressing town surrounded by people she doesn’t like and making no moves to change anything.

You might be right

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 22:45

A bit of travel might do you the world of good

Ah, but where to go? It's got to be somewhere that says - "I'm not flashy but please know that I've paid my mortgage".

Astrak · 16/12/2023 22:46

In my county (Kent, UK) we call people flashing their cash with monster 4x4s, designer dogs, aka expensive mongrels, DfLs. "Down from London's". We feel either sorry for them or irritated. Sorry, because they don't get that it takes around 15 years without all these trappings for them to be accepted, or extremely irritated, because they push the house prices up out of the reach of our children who want to continue living here.

WingsofRain · 16/12/2023 22:46

Papillon23 · 16/12/2023 21:49

Maybe it's because I'm an accountant but I find it odd people don't know that much about their friends finances?

I know their salaries (approximately at least), about their bonuses, their share packages, whether or not their car is on finance, what their rent is or their mortgage, what phone they've got (which tells me approximately how much it costs each month). I know about their student loans and their pensions.

I guess I must be weird but I think I know this give or take for at least my 9 or 10 closest friends.

Good lord, I don’t even know that much about my partner’s finances, how can you possibly know it about friends?

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