To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

[balsamshill]

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

Sounds dangerous to drive around in a car that is that old and crappy. I’d rather have a safer car.

I wonder if some of it is the area that you live in, OP. I no longer live where I grew up but I watch family members paying through the nose for beauty treatments, designer kids clothes, huge birthday cakes, new furniture every couple of years etc. There seems to be a real pressure from somewhere for everything to look immaculate. I now live in a very rural part of the UK and I’d stand out like a sore thumb with any of that. Here range rovers are 25 years old and held together with twine!

My partner and I have a mortgage (only 28 & 31 years old so not quite ready to pay it off) but it's a small amount each month compared to other people our age. We don't have the flashiest phones, or cars or clothes and we live a fairly humble lifestyle (Butlins holiday, days out but lots of free activities, eating mainly at home) and we have SIGNIFICANT savings for people our age with 2 kids who bought a house 5 years ago for the first time. I don't feel the need to keep up with all the latest trends bc ultimately we are the most financially stable family we know. I don't care if people want to keep up with all the latest trends because it's their life and it's their finances and their future. I like seeing that people have these things that are making them happy and I do sometimes feel like I'm missing out on trends but I know that my time for trends and having the latest stuff just isn't right now and that in a few years I'll have newest phone and a nicer car and clothes.

People like that are cringe inducing, boring muppets. I wouldn't bother with them. Ignore. Attention is oxygen to them.

I know a local family like this. They are in substantial debt and were both running up debt without telling each other. She stays at home but he has a good job, but not enough to cover their lifestyle. But they keep living that lifestyle, so must be supported by parents. They are a nice family though, just different priorities.

Brother and girlfriend are like this too. He earns well and she has a business which is earning probably an average salary. They moan they are broke after doing home renovations constantly. I'm not sure how they expect not be be! They are very materialistic, but a lot of fun and I love spending time with them. It's not my thing to be so excessive and constantly chasing trends though. I think it shows a need for others approval and to some extent some naivety as ad companies and marketing must see them coming. I wouldn't say they are bad people, probably a bit short-sighted though, because they are literally frittering money away and if my brothers business goes to shit they will probably be fucked, but it's their life. I let em get on with it and just enjoy their parties 😂

Honestly, get some new friends. i don't know anyone like this. And they're the ones in debt

This is why i hate social media

I don't know anyone like this.

I know a couple of couples like this. They go abroad and they HAVE to post everything on socials, but it won't just be a few pictures, it's a whole array of posey photos with the temperature of 29degrees shown, the hotel name etc etc they really seek validation by trying to boast their way through Life.
As much as it's annoying to look at, and at times I see the photos and feel irritated that I'm not doing the same, but I quickly lose that train of thought because I know they're actually deeply insecure. They aren't as happy as they want to be, so they seek it in other ways.
I'd really hate to be a Joneses because you can never win, you always have to be keeping up with whoever else, it must be so exhausting.

Have family members like this. Huge mortgage over £3k/month, obtained in a very dodgy way and much more than they can comfortably afford. Must owe close to a million now with interest rates having increased. Two flash cars on finance, a couple of two week all inclusive foreign holidays a year. Must have the latest of everything. But now struggling to make ends meet as his business is suffering due to current economic climate and she'll only work part time. She's always posting on social media showing the perfect family life but I know they're stressed as hell. It's no way to live and the bubble will likely burst!

You sound like you are gloating and looking forward to their increasing misery !

@Densol57 no I find it mind boggling actually. Like everyone else, just adding my own experience to the thread.

@Densol57 no she doesn't, she sounds like she can see what idiots these people are financially!

I know one person like this, DHs friends wife. Always in designer clothes, the whole family, DH and two kids. Replaced the windows and doors three times in six years. Constantly redecorating house, sofas tiles,bathrooms etc. Brand new jeep on hire purchase every couple of years. Holidays to places she considers to be fashionable, Marbella, Dubai etc. Food at top restaurants. Her DH doesn't play golf but was taking part in a charity game. She kitted him out top to toe in designer golf gear and he couldn't even hold a golf club.

The fallout is her DH works seven days a week, 12 -14 hour days and her father took a redundancy package to pay of her debt which was 60k. I actually feel sorry for her that she is so shallow and obsessed with appearances. I just laugh when I hear about her new jeep, holiday etc because I know it's all loans. I sleep at night knowing I don't owe anybody.

Voted YABU but only purely for the reason WHY DO YOU CARE? let them do what they want, stop watching, stop getting annoyed, stop getting dragged in, what does it matter WHAT THEY DO???

Everyone you know has a cockerpoo, a pug, a dacshund AND a French bulldog?

Or did they bury the 'unfashionable' ones under the patio once they were bored with them?

I don't know anyone like your friends, to be honest. We are very ordinary.

The net is full of fantasists. You never know what is actullsy going on with people.😉

I do think it's worth asking yourself why you care so much. Ultimately it doesn't affect you, unless they are actually moaning to you and looking to you for moral and emotional support, regularly, in which case I can see why your patience would run thin. You can easily solve that problem by just going, Oh, really? And then changing the subject. You don't have to let them winge at you.

However, the strength of your feelings makes me think there is something else going on. You seem to attach a powerful moral judgement to this - with you being virtuous, and them being at fault. I wonder why it matters to you so much to do this. Are you envious of them deep down? Do you want more validation for your choices than you've received?

Why do people jump to say someone is jealous because it irritates them someone is bad with money??

It IS massively irritating to know someone is bad with money purely because they want to look a certain way. And that's the problem with the world today and social media etc, that if you say anything against it or don't 'like' the social media post you're instantly 'jealous', when really you're just picking up on the fact it's completely irresponsible and attention seeking behaviour..

I always find it odd that people refer to their fridges like this. In Red Dwarf it's a shortened version of smegma which is willy cheese. I always think of that when seeing a Smeg fridge.

I also don't get the disgruntled posts on here. I think it is quite right to find it irritating. These people are pretending to be loaded and probably making a lot if other people feel they aren't good enough, when it's all fake.

I do find it all very vulgar, whether you are a wealthy landowner hoarding land, someone like Michelle Mone posing on yachts knowing that you have defrauded UK citizens of money they desperately need for services, or are someone relentlessly trying to project a perfect insta life and trying to make yourself feel superior, but keep going back to your parents to stop the baliffs coming round. It's not really the money that's the issue, it's the behaviour really. There are plenty of decent people with money, but it's usually the wankers that want the world to know they have it.

Maybe they thought, "better smeg than dead?"