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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
Ratfinkstinkypink · 16/12/2023 22:15

I don't know a single person like that thankfully.

Moonshine5 · 16/12/2023 22:15

A) they don't sound broke
B) they don't sound like friends

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:16

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:13

The kids memed them. Apparently they're referred to as 'Deanos'. Had to Google 'Deano meme' for it to make any sense.

Sorry what now? What are referred to as Deanos?

jemenfous37 · 16/12/2023 22:16

What a pointless post. Either delete these couples from your sm, drop them as friends, or move from your feudal village to somewhere you can proudly compare cars with 200k on the clock, and how you get up before you go to bed, had to clean the road with your tongue, wear your great, great, great, great grandmothers shoes which have been repaired so many time they are like Trigger's broom...

PieAndLattes · 16/12/2023 22:18

Stop being friends with people you don’t respect.

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:19

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:05

I wouldn't say I'm overly invested, just watched a pattern of behaviour form over the last decade through every shifting change, through all of our life changes and growing up and the constant 'I've got no money' 'I'm broke' 'I'm on the bones of my arse' also 'I just bought this £1000 Christmas tree' it's like come on, in all those years of financial history, can you not look at your finances and see where you're going wrong? And I've just got to sit and nod instead of saying what I'm really thinking - which is 'if you can't afford to pay your mortgage, which is what you've been telling me for the past few years, why did you get more dogs, and why post a screenshot of the booking for your holiday on FB'

Who spends £1000 on a Christmas tree for their house? Xmas Confused

@balsamshill Print screen some of these comments and post them on here. Block out the name of the person and their photo. I would love to see all these comments and posts, and I am sure other posters here would too.

Lecc · 16/12/2023 22:20

I think you are far too invested in a pile of pointless nothingness.
Turn off social media, get a nice cup of tea and plan a new hobby or something meaningful to take your mind of such asinine drivel.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:20

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 22:14

So, a working class area where everyone has mortgages, his and her bmws, agas and Balsam Hill Christmas trees?

Yes. It's not unheard of. Esp when people who've grown up in the town stayed there despite making enough money to live somewhere a little nicer.

A lot of small towns are like this - esp when there's been large developments of 'luxury' family homes built in the area. That estate becomes what they aspire to, along with everything 'rich' influencers own.

I think it's a big fish in a small pond kind of mindset. They'd rather have all the gear and no idea with a huge mortgage on a big house in the town they know, than live somewhere smaller in an area that's a little bit nicer.

OP posts:
DrMarshaFieldstone · 16/12/2023 22:21

They sound awful and you clearly despise them, so really the only question is why these people are in your life at all?

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:21

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:16

Sorry what now? What are referred to as Deanos?

The types of people I mention in the OP, apparently they're referred to in internet meme circles as 'Deanos'.

OP posts:
LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 22:21

I think your post has struck a chord, OP. It's really, really common, in a more subtle way than your inital post would imply. I think that those who are replying most dismissively to this thread are likely to be those most guilty of it.

HappyMavis · 16/12/2023 22:23

@balsamshill post some shots of the comments like has been suggested, we'd love to see them.

BrilliantEarth · 16/12/2023 22:23

I'm baffled by all of this. I have got an Aga, but that's nothing to do with status. I can't imagine being surrounded by the people whom you describe.

Why do people want to stay in the "small place" where they grew up? That's weird in itself.

I don't have social media so maybe all my friends are bellends too, only I don't realise it. Though I doubt it.

bombastix · 16/12/2023 22:23

Middle class my foot

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:24

DrMarshaFieldstone · 16/12/2023 22:21

They sound awful and you clearly despise them, so really the only question is why these people are in your life at all?

I distance myself a little, they're all lovely people but when talk of money and buying things crops up, I just cannot be bothered with it anymore. When I hit the big 5-0, I might just start telling people what I really think. But for now, I just don't engage.

I don't come from an aggressively frugal family, nor do I come from a family of people who buy tat to impress other people and I've put up with almost two decades of this rubbish.

OP posts:
BrilliantEarth · 16/12/2023 22:24

I've never heard of a Balsam Tree Christmas tree. Balsam Tree sounds like crap screw-top wine.

PaulaPocket · 16/12/2023 22:27

Hocuspocusnonsense · 16/12/2023 22:06

Its laughable.

At our village school the wealthiest parents drive dirty old cars, live in wellies, have the scruffiest children and we all know they are wealthy! They don’t need to show it. I like that.

Exactly. You'd think we're as rich as f--k!

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:28

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 22:21

I think your post has struck a chord, OP. It's really, really common, in a more subtle way than your inital post would imply. I think that those who are replying most dismissively to this thread are likely to be those most guilty of it.

I agree, because I think most people are guilty of this actually.

Even if it's not on social media. People in everyday conversation who call their fridge 'the Smeg' or their laptop 'my MacBook' and stuff like that. Just say fridge and computer/laptop.

My cousin has a YSL bag that she couldn't really afford. I get she's proud of it, but any photo you get of her while she's out with it, she'll make sure the logo's showing. That kind of thing.

OP posts:
Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 22:30

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 22:21

I think your post has struck a chord, OP. It's really, really common, in a more subtle way than your inital post would imply. I think that those who are replying most dismissively to this thread are likely to be those most guilty of it.

😁 I do love a bit of passive aggressive MN flex.

I've seen a million threads on here where people are scratching their head wondering how their neighbours have this, that and the other and the very last thing to be conceded is that they just might have far more money than they do.

So, colour me sceptical if I think getting finance for all this stuff might be a bit tricky if these 'friends' are as skint as she says.

Meanwhile, no. I'm not spunking my money on agas, fancy cars and dogs. Thanks 👍

justasking111 · 16/12/2023 22:31

BrilliantEarth · 16/12/2023 22:24

I've never heard of a Balsam Tree Christmas tree. Balsam Tree sounds like crap screw-top wine.

The Balsam tree craze, they're two years behind to start with. Friend is an influencer they gave her one two years ago, she really didn't rate it, overpriced style over substance she said.

Blinkin · 16/12/2023 22:32

£1k mortgage a month is hardly mortgaged to the hilt. My husband and I are teachers so not high earners and can very easily afford that - mortgage will be paid off before we're 50. I imagine people with higher salaries and intending to pay off their mortgage later would have plenty of disposable income for things like you describe. Except the dogs. That doesn't even make sense. Do they keep getting rid of them or do they have 4 different dogs now?

RosieCockle · 16/12/2023 22:32

Literally every thing you've mentioned that they do is tacky as hell - the private number plates, dogs and holidays in Dubai (before anyone jumps on me, separately might be ok, but together Is predictably skanky) - I really wouldn't want those people as my mates. Just get rid.

janicegarvey · 16/12/2023 22:33

😲😲

Who on earth do you hang around with ?? Why are you friends with them ? I don't know anyone like this ??

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 22:33

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:28

I agree, because I think most people are guilty of this actually.

Even if it's not on social media. People in everyday conversation who call their fridge 'the Smeg' or their laptop 'my MacBook' and stuff like that. Just say fridge and computer/laptop.

My cousin has a YSL bag that she couldn't really afford. I get she's proud of it, but any photo you get of her while she's out with it, she'll make sure the logo's showing. That kind of thing.

You’re inventing things to pretend to be annoyed at so you can tell people you’ve no mortgage. Absolutely no one calls their fridge by its brand name and well you know it.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 16/12/2023 22:34

You've clearly spent a lot of time composing this post. But it seems mainly just to brag that you've paid off your mortgage. Other people have different, perhaps less sensible, priorities to you. So what. Live way your life the way you want and stop craning your neck to see what others are up to.

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