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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:54

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 21:49

It happens a lot in some areas - the "wealthy poor". And yes, they are kind of broke - it's all propped up on credit with highish incomes, but it only takes one little setback for it all to come tumbling down.

It's annoying because while it is easy to say "ignore it", and "get new friends", it can be hard to keep reminding yourself to stop using those lifestyles as benchmarks.

We live in a town where the small few own EVERYTHING - the buildings on the front street, the fields surrounding the town, etc. Everyone else is just trying to get by, trying to impress people they went to school with 15 years ago and leapfrog that one girl who was mean to them in secondary.

They're putting themselves on the breadline, competing with other poor people, trying to look wealthy.

OP posts:
DyslexicPoster · 16/12/2023 21:54

I can't understand how they can be broke? I had a mate who always said she was broke but had the 4 bed detached house, white 4x4, kids decked out in Boden etc. She was not broke, she didn't have spare cash I guess because she spent up to her max. No broke person has two flash new cars on the drive. They are just spending up to the wire.

Broke is another mate telling me she had £7 to last her for five days to feed her kids and absolutely refusing my help as she knew well how to live on that as it was her normal.

Thementalloadisreal · 16/12/2023 21:54

Maybe they’re not actually skint, but complaining about money / being skint is also trendy

InflatableSanta · 16/12/2023 21:54

Choose less idiotic friends?

Bookist · 16/12/2023 21:55

Yes, I call them the Plastic Fantastics. But I'm not friends with anyone like that because I actually prefer to like and admire my friends.

CuriousGeorge80 · 16/12/2023 21:55

I don’t recognise this at all. Sounds like you are just friends with the wrong people.

ilovepixie · 16/12/2023 21:55

Why do you care what other people do? Jealously is a terrible thing!

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:56

Lammveg · 16/12/2023 21:44

I mean yeah it's a little annoying to hear them talk about being so skint but then seeing them post things on social media but JESUS you sound too invested in other people's finances.

Everyone here talks openly about money, I think it might be because we're a very working class area, there's a lot of poverty, so you grow up talking about money a lot more when you've got absolutely none, and when you get some, it's a big deal.

OP posts:
DyslexicPoster · 16/12/2023 21:56

Thementalloadisreal · 16/12/2023 21:54

Maybe they’re not actually skint, but complaining about money / being skint is also trendy

This.

It's also very true when your friends are struggling, your not going to say your flush

boozeclues · 16/12/2023 21:57

I haven’t been on Facebook for 5 years and it’s total bliss

CrapBucket · 16/12/2023 21:57

Did you know you are allowed to choose whether to be friends with people? Hth

LlynTegid · 16/12/2023 21:57

You could just stop following them on social media.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 21:57

Your obsession with these people's lives is just weird. Do yourself a massive favour and get off social media.

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 21:58

CrapBucket · 16/12/2023 21:57

Did you know you are allowed to choose whether to be friends with people? Hth

Apparently it's most of the town now, so that escalated quickly.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:58

ilovepixie · 16/12/2023 21:55

Why do you care what other people do? Jealously is a terrible thing!

Ehhh, not jealous in the slightest. Got no mortgage and my car's almost older than me with about 200k on the clock, and it's never let me down. Would take that trusty steed over a leased 23 plate Beemer any day, would rather people know I own my crappy old car than know I pay through the arse on it every month and it'll never be mine.

OP posts:
Ineedanewsofa · 16/12/2023 21:58

Please don’t do any online banking or purchases on a phone that can no longer be security patched misses point of thread
But generally, don’t hang out with these people if they annoy you so much! Seems somewhat unreasonable to be so angry about it

Tarantella6 · 16/12/2023 21:58

Please get a new phone, if yours is so old it isn't getting security updates someone might steal the income you have left over each month!

Rocknrolla21 · 16/12/2023 21:59

Stop being hyperbolic 🙄 and make new friends if yours are like these. I know people who tend to follow trends. They’re still skint. Just get stuff on credit and shift their priorities

ChickenGotLegs · 16/12/2023 21:59

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:56

Everyone here talks openly about money, I think it might be because we're a very working class area, there's a lot of poverty, so you grow up talking about money a lot more when you've got absolutely none, and when you get some, it's a big deal.

Where do you live?

Just so I never move there... 😒

Jagoda · 16/12/2023 22:01

Aquamarine1029 · 16/12/2023 21:57

Your obsession with these people's lives is just weird. Do yourself a massive favour and get off social media.

Absolutely agree with this. You sound really over invested. And quite hateful towards these so called friends.

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 22:01

@PaulaPocket It's not always as obvious as OP makes it sound. When is a house renovation "shallow" and when is it "basic living standards"? If you live in an area where everyone around you re paints the house every two years, a less frantic schedule can start to make you feel a bit shabby.

starlight2k · 16/12/2023 22:02

I have one friend that is exactly how you describe

Iloveburgerswaymorethanishould · 16/12/2023 22:02

boozeclues · 16/12/2023 21:57

I haven’t been on Facebook for 5 years and it’s total bliss

I’m a year in now, best thing I ever did!!! (Apart from my kids like). All it did was made me feel worse about my home, my lack of holidays, my lack of this, lack of that. Then I realised how superficial it was. I once said to a friend “but on Facebook your life looks amazing!”, she replied with “well it’s not real is it, it’s what I want people to see”. Made me think a fair bit that night. No annual “best tree” comp. And no “have a bought my children enough presents?” Post, alongside a photo of a mountain of presents you’d need breathing gear to get to the top of……

converseandjeans · 16/12/2023 22:03

They're trying to keep up with trends set by insta & Love Island types. I don't think it's as common in my age group (early 50s) as in those in late 30s.

Do they have kids all in beige and neutral? Wear those Ugg slipper type shoes? Drive a large SUV?

I think it looks exhausting trying to keep up with it all. However there's lots not doing this.

They might think you're strange not keeping up - but they will likely still be paying a mortgage age 63 because they spent all their money on fake eyelashes & uggs & Dubai & fake grass & trips to Lapland. I don't think I would let it wind me up - however it's concerning that this is what people are doing when they could end up completely broke.

I know some Instagrammers like Mike Paphitis committed suicide & think people are putting pressure on themselves to create this perfect sort of life.

SnaillikeCantaloupe · 16/12/2023 22:04

My friend, you need to step away from social media! I deleted Facebook 6 years ago and I’ve no idea what horseshit people are posting. It’s wonderful

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