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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 16/12/2023 21:40

Each to their own. The question is, why are they your friends?

TizerorFizz · 16/12/2023 21:42

That’s what I was thinking. You have a wierd choice of friends. Delete them from sm?

Itsjeremycorbynsfault · 16/12/2023 21:43

Well if they can do all that, they're not flat broke regardless of what they say

Papillon23 · 16/12/2023 21:43

Good lord. That doesn't sound like my cup of tea but also none of my friends are really like that. Maybe it would be better to reduce your contact with them and make some other friends? I've found that volunteering trend to attract people with less attachment to material things.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 16/12/2023 21:44

They Don’t sound broke.

Lammveg · 16/12/2023 21:44

I mean yeah it's a little annoying to hear them talk about being so skint but then seeing them post things on social media but JESUS you sound too invested in other people's finances.

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 21:44

How do you know so much information about your friend's finances?

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 21:45

Sounds like you’ve made a lot of that up tbh.

TooTender · 16/12/2023 21:45

I couldn’t do it - the stress must be awful. Comfort yourself that you can sleep easy at night without fear of debt repayment plans knocking at your door!

Lindjam · 16/12/2023 21:46

Why does it boil your piss?

Their financial situation doesn’t affect you at all does it? They aren’t hurting anyone. I’m not sure if you are jealous or smug, but these people really aren’t your friends are they?

TurkeyTrotToXmas · 16/12/2023 21:46

Unfollow. Problem solved.

Blanketenvy · 16/12/2023 21:46

It all sounds odd, I don't know anyone like you describe.

TheCountIsPale · 16/12/2023 21:47

i also don’t know anyone like this…?

RudsyFarmer · 16/12/2023 21:47

A lot of these people know their parents will get them out the hole once it’s too deep. So don’t go feeling too worried about their financial situations.

echt · 16/12/2023 21:48

Why care? If they're not touching you for a loan it's not a big deal. Or any of your business.

WhateverMate · 16/12/2023 21:48

Gosh you really hate these people don't you?

Why on earth are you looking at their SM accounts?

PaulaPocket · 16/12/2023 21:48

The digested read, digested: some people are materialist wankers, including all my friends.

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 21:49

It happens a lot in some areas - the "wealthy poor". And yes, they are kind of broke - it's all propped up on credit with highish incomes, but it only takes one little setback for it all to come tumbling down.

It's annoying because while it is easy to say "ignore it", and "get new friends", it can be hard to keep reminding yourself to stop using those lifestyles as benchmarks.

Papillon23 · 16/12/2023 21:49

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 21:44

How do you know so much information about your friend's finances?

Maybe it's because I'm an accountant but I find it odd people don't know that much about their friends finances?

I know their salaries (approximately at least), about their bonuses, their share packages, whether or not their car is on finance, what their rent is or their mortgage, what phone they've got (which tells me approximately how much it costs each month). I know about their student loans and their pensions.

I guess I must be weird but I think I know this give or take for at least my 9 or 10 closest friends.

NewsOverload · 16/12/2023 21:50

Doesn't sound like you have anything in common with them so why bother to be friends?

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:50

My partner tells me, they all moan about money then the next minute boom, following the latest trend.

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 16/12/2023 21:50

You do have a strange choice in friends

PaulaPocket · 16/12/2023 21:51

LameBorzoi · 16/12/2023 21:49

It happens a lot in some areas - the "wealthy poor". And yes, they are kind of broke - it's all propped up on credit with highish incomes, but it only takes one little setback for it all to come tumbling down.

It's annoying because while it is easy to say "ignore it", and "get new friends", it can be hard to keep reminding yourself to stop using those lifestyles as benchmarks.

@LameBorzoi

it can be hard to keep reminding yourself to stop using those lifestyles as benchmarks.

It's dead easy. What hard is to stop gasping in horror at the shallowness.

whaysbirn · 16/12/2023 21:53

@balsamshill i couldn’t get too worked up about this. You focus on you, let them spend if they wish, even if it gets them into debt! Not your problem.

ThisHouseWillBeTheDeathOfMe · 16/12/2023 21:53

MiddleParking · 16/12/2023 21:45

Sounds like you’ve made a lot of that up tbh.

Yup

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