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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 17/12/2023 07:25

Why are you friends with these folk?

Gnomegnomegnome · 17/12/2023 07:29

You could easily be speaking about my sister in law op. She is very much like this.

I like your descriptions!

Travelban · 17/12/2023 07:32

We lived somewhere similar and school runs were all Range Rovers and gym outfits. Didn't like how my kids started to be infouenced in having the latest of everything and teased for not having the newest iphone, so eventually we moved and have nevrr been happier.

In fairness I have never been friends with people like that, simply as I don't have anything in common with them.

Best advice I can give you is to break away from them , there is a different world out there! It's liberating.

Mikimoto · 17/12/2023 07:34

Laurendelaney1987 · 17/12/2023 07:14

Me too! Look like an artificial tree we got off studio catalog for £100 8 years ago.

and Spanish cleaning products has me dead lol

Spain is the largest per capita user of BLEACH in the world!!!

bigageap · 17/12/2023 07:43

Every day is a school day!!!! My 50p bottles of bleach seem insufficient now!

WindyHarbour · 17/12/2023 07:48

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

margotrose · 17/12/2023 07:52

You seem to take everything very literally - moaning about being broke or about the cost of living is normal. It doesn't actually mean you're genuinely broke and can't afford to put food on the table.

It's also bloody stupid to willingly run a phone that can't be updated or patched anymore.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 17/12/2023 07:59

I know someone like this, hair and nails always done and out every night, boyfriend bankrolls but constant rhetoric about being poor and hoping high earning ds who she abused will give her money.

Which he doesn’t 😂

Moonshine5 · 17/12/2023 08:07

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:28

I agree, because I think most people are guilty of this actually.

Even if it's not on social media. People in everyday conversation who call their fridge 'the Smeg' or their laptop 'my MacBook' and stuff like that. Just say fridge and computer/laptop.

My cousin has a YSL bag that she couldn't really afford. I get she's proud of it, but any photo you get of her while she's out with it, she'll make sure the logo's showing. That kind of thing.

Disagree, my friends don't refer to their things / cars etc by the brand that would be weird. Except of course iPad but that's it's'name.
I stand by my original statement you are not friends with these people they are acquaintances you grew up with. Probably if you moved you would only stay in touch though SM.

janicegarvey · 17/12/2023 08:29

anarchicparadise · 16/12/2023 23:31

YANBU.

I see it on Facebook.

many many moons ago a woman I knew who was never done flashing her mulberry bags, expensive holidays, designer clothes, kids at private school had my husband at her door as he had a warrant to enter the property to switch off her electricity because she hadn’t paid the bill for so long 😂 (part of his job many years ago)

It's awful you'd laugh at this 🫣😳

SauronsArsehole · 17/12/2023 08:30

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:10

Yes, the Cornwall craze!

Apparently the locals absolutely hate the influx. Have a furiously Cornish friend who is beside himself with unbelievable rage over the 'emmets' and their huge cars that weren't made for Cornish streets. Funnily enough, he wasn't born there and gets jip for it all the time.

They do park like twats, I agree.

friend does shopping delivery for a big store and she knows the airBnBs because all through summer she’s delivering to a different family. Some are fabulous but others are entitled pricks especially when something is out of stock. One time she called a customer to say someone has parked badly and she can’t get down the narrow lane and they’ll have to come to the van to collect the food. They threw a fit about it. Turned out it was their car and they didn’t want to scratch the paint on the narrow lane so blocked acess to 5 other houses.

janicegarvey · 17/12/2023 08:32

Sunflower8710 · 17/12/2023 00:07

It still tickles me that my friend (who lives in rented accommodation btw) boasted all about her mulberry bag. The thought of her trotting around Aldi with it really tickles me lol!

Just wondered what the "rented accommodation" has to do with this? Can people only have designer bags if they own property?

A lot of snobbery on this thread

Elmeux · 17/12/2023 08:36

Wtf is a balsam tree?

Savagecabbage101 · 17/12/2023 08:37

Social media is to blame. The shit stuff is never shared. There is pressure to be spending and having a fabulous life even if the reality is totally different.

HappyMavis · 17/12/2023 08:37

CynthiaRothrock · 17/12/2023 00:20

Happy with my life.......

Is it perfect? Far from it. Have I had debt in the past? Yes. Have I nearly killed myself to clear it? Yes. (Debt was caused through bad circumstance and was very unavoidable) I refuse to go through that again. No I'm not perfect and yes I am guilty of overspending every now and then. Yes I have had things on 0% but only one item at a time to ensure I can cover it. Why do I need 5 ninjas when my tower works perfectly and I prefer it ( have to use a ninja at work, it's shite). Why do I NEED a new car or phone? I don't, and I don't want one either. I much rather be able to afford the odd treat and be able to let my kids go out without having to borrow money to do so. 🤷‍♀️ each to their own I suppose, just don't tell me what I supposedly need because I KNOW I DON'T need debt to be happy.

Thanks for the clarifications.

Winnipeggy · 17/12/2023 08:41

We live in a town where the small few own EVERYTHING - the buildings on the front street, the fields surrounding the town, etc. Everyone else is just trying to get by, trying to impress people they went to school with 15 years ago and leapfrog that one girl who was mean to them in secondary.

They're putting themselves on the breadline, competing with other poor people, trying to look wealthy.*

Well that's sad but let them get on with it, I don't see how it encroaches on your life in any way.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 17/12/2023 08:43

I can't imagine this as where I live people really are poor, and I am on the knife edge myself, i am very thrifty and have a lot of self control, I don't buy anything unless it's necessary. Only too aware a large unexpected expense could break me and there are no guarantees against it.

But they sound awful so you are not being unreasonable

Humanswarm · 17/12/2023 08:44

Does it affect you? Really? Nope. Does it make them feel better? Probably. Each to their own OP

Patchworksack · 17/12/2023 08:44

@balsamshill I’m just laughing at your username because I admired my neighbours tree and asked her where it was from. I had never heard of Balsam Hill and was completely flabbergasted that anyone would pay upwards of a grand for a Christmas tree.
People just have different priorities-we are in the drive old cars, holiday in a caravan but have paid off our mortgage camp. You can roll your eyes if they start whinging and point out where they could economise but I doubt they will change - they prioritise stuff over financial security.

Pottedpalm · 17/12/2023 08:45

My DTs were in school with children of some very wealthy families. They did not splash the cash, cars were usually big old estates with room for the dogs, or an ancient land rover covered in mud. Lovely property but they didn’t follow fads in interior design, and high fashion didn’t feature in daily life.
It takes all sorts; do your own thing and be happy.

Imagwine · 17/12/2023 08:46

I can believe it.
Just wondering since when have travellers become so influential that others want to aspire to their lifestyles? And what are these Spanish cleaning products? (asking for a friend…)

whittingtonmum · 17/12/2023 08:46

Get off social media and try and make some new friends. Problem solved.

PrueRamsay · 17/12/2023 08:54

“That one girl who was mean to them in high school “ you say?

Referring to yourself? You are painting yourself as jealous, snobby, smug, and thoroughly unpleasant.

It makes you “sick to your back teeth” and “boils your piss” that your “friends” have more money than you thought. Nice.

Menomeno · 17/12/2023 09:02

Where I live there are LOADS of people like this. My DB is a perfect example. He split with his wife and asked if he could stay with us for a couple of weeks. A year later he was still with us, because he couldn’t afford to move out because his credit card debts were crippling him. He’s very proud of wearing designer labels and always wasting money.

I eventually cleared his credit cards (10 grand) and told him he’d have to leave. He found a little flat and we helped him with bits of furniture etc. I went round a week later and he’d splashed out on a Smeg coffee machine, kettle and toaster on credit! 🙈 He couldn’t understand why I was pissed off!

Four years later he still hasn’t paid me back, but goes on about four holidays a year and spends a fortune on clothes, and constantly cries poverty. My Nan would’ve said “He’s all lace curtains and nothing in the larder”. 😃

EveryFrogHasItsDay · 17/12/2023 09:05

Papillon23 · 16/12/2023 21:49

Maybe it's because I'm an accountant but I find it odd people don't know that much about their friends finances?

I know their salaries (approximately at least), about their bonuses, their share packages, whether or not their car is on finance, what their rent is or their mortgage, what phone they've got (which tells me approximately how much it costs each month). I know about their student loans and their pensions.

I guess I must be weird but I think I know this give or take for at least my 9 or 10 closest friends.

The mortgage part - are you choosing to rent then, rather than buy? Because you don’t want a mortgage and you think it isn’t financially sensible? I can’t really understand that part.

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