Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
Ellamaelucyolivia · 17/12/2023 05:03

A lot of people just pretend they're skint. My dad always bleats on about being a pensioner and not having money but I know for a fact he has an income of four grand a month and a very large savings account. And that's just the money that we know of. I've never asked him for money but maybe he's fearful that I will, so makes out he's broke. Some people are just that way about money. Maybe your friends are similar.

stayathomer · 17/12/2023 05:15

Everyone moans about their lives at times, and everyone has worries, and maybe even they don’t think about it all the time and you’ve been unfortunate to hear about it too much!! if you don’t like them enough to even try to nod along or shrug your shoulders- if they irritate you that much then you don’t like them so leave them to it. If you secretly want the stuff they have then go for it.

Simplepink · 17/12/2023 05:19

I’m now obsessed with trying to figure out where you live OP!
and can completely understand your frustration.

are you a smoggy or further north than that?

Simplepink · 17/12/2023 05:20

Or the place where Tyson Fury is from?!

Gillypie23 · 17/12/2023 05:21

So why are you friends with such shallow people.

Voerendaal · 17/12/2023 05:26

Social media. I am in late 50’s and feel sorry for the younger people I work with. There does seem to be pressure to havd the perfect 4 bed new build freshly decorated. I am from the generation who bought a house in early 90’s on 100% mortgage with interest rates of 13%. I begged second hand furniture and painted it myself as I had no money. But my friends were doing the same . No social media. Some friends earnt more and had nicer houses but I really don’t think we cared.
I understand what OP is saying. But each to their own. Just enjoy your disposable income. Took me a while to get disposable income and when I did I spent it on a horse. Money at thd end of the day doesn’t go with you when you die.

PermanentTemporary · 17/12/2023 05:43

All a bit mystifying.

I'm sorry you had such an awful time sorting out your house. I hope you actually enjoy it now rather than always being reminded of how much work it was.

It sounds like these people are making you avoid spending money on things that would make your life better. You're letting them take up far too much headspace.

I agree that having a phone that's so old it's insecure is not something to be proud of. Either stop having a smartphone at all, or get a practical modern handset on a sim-only deal.

And have you considered moving?

Elodieboop · 17/12/2023 05:54

I know a handful of people like this. A few I know frequently ask my boss for loans, or beg for invoices/wages to be paid early then are booking city breaks and shopping in Flannels. One came to my house to collect something and commented about it being much smaller than they expected. It didn’t occur to him that you don’t actually have to obtain the largest mortgage you can get your hands on and pay thousands a month for.

I don’t get it, but it doesn’t make me angry. It’s not my money they are asking for and it doesn’t affect me. I feel bad for them if anything. It’s a lot of pressure to feel like you need to live like this and as you say, it’s making people unwell

user1492757084 · 17/12/2023 06:02

I don't know anyone like that but I do not agree with over consumerism and using the Earth's limited resources to produce fads and fashions on large scales.
I also don't agree with putting pressure on yourself by over spending.
None of my friends look down on an old car, old clothes or non plumped or botoxed faces..

To be valued for what one can purchase or participate in is not familiar to me..
Do you have any down-to-Earth friends Op? Time to dig them up if your outings cause you worry.

squashi · 17/12/2023 06:02

YANBU to find this annoying, but it'd only really be a problem for me if they owed me money.

graciasinmorzine · 17/12/2023 06:08

balsamshill · 17/12/2023 00:56

Wouldn't say it's a boast. My car is so old that people have made fun of it to my face, people on this thread have told me my phone is a cybersecurity risk, and we bought our house as an unlivable husk that we almost killed ourselves transforming just so we could be mortgage free.

There's nothing to boast over there to be honest.

We live frugally even though we can probably afford the credit lifestyle you describe- but you have to spend money on some things. please go and buy a proper phone that can handle the latest security patches.

Or go full brick.

it’s a really silly source of frugality flexing. And you were using it in the context of being ‘better’ because they have expensive phone contracts they can’t afford. At least they will probably get those phones retrieved if they get stolen without any compromises to their data and security. Your phone can be brute forced open if it’s not up to date.

Laurendelaney1987 · 17/12/2023 06:42

Pmsl at the description: I can imagine these people in their new build houses, fancy cars and face full of beauty treatments. Although DH and I did look at a few new builds years ago, I don’t aspire to the lifestyle.

but, I’m so baffled how much you know about others finances. I don’t know much about anyone else’s finances apart from an estimated guess

Vegetus · 17/12/2023 06:47

Papillon23 · 16/12/2023 21:49

Maybe it's because I'm an accountant but I find it odd people don't know that much about their friends finances?

I know their salaries (approximately at least), about their bonuses, their share packages, whether or not their car is on finance, what their rent is or their mortgage, what phone they've got (which tells me approximately how much it costs each month). I know about their student loans and their pensions.

I guess I must be weird but I think I know this give or take for at least my 9 or 10 closest friends.

It's not because you're an accountant it's because you're nosey as fuck.

Shoxfordian · 17/12/2023 06:47

It's cute they think dinner in the shard is cool

It doesn't sound like you have any respect for them so why do you think they're your friends? You clearly think you're making much better choices than them

ChristmasSteps295 · 17/12/2023 06:53

I don't know one single person who is even vaguely like this.

I strongly suspect you came on here to boast and tell us all how much better than everyone else you are because you're a skinflint.

Londonrach1 · 17/12/2023 06:55

I don't know anyone like that. You need new friends.

terraced · 17/12/2023 06:58

Its extraordinary how much effort people will go to to impress others. I agree with you OP.

PermanentTemporary · 17/12/2023 06:59

@Papillon23 how though? Do they tell you, and why? I've never asked anybody any questions like that. I know some things about my sister's finances but not her salary or anything like that. As for friends- not a clue unless they're teachers or otherwise have jobs with a publicly available payscale, then I at least have a vague idea.

Ah, maybe you do tax returns for them?

WaltzingWaters · 17/12/2023 06:59

Yeah been in this situation many times. “So broke, can’t afford anything” then they’re buying lunch out and 5 drinks during the working whilst I’m there with my packed lunch and pack of tea bags and disposable income left!
It’s the “you’re so lucky you’re not as broke as me” whilst buying all the little unnecessary things that so quickly add up that gets me.

Mikimoto · 17/12/2023 07:01

I realise people like this exist, but don't understand why anyone would be bothered by them??
If a real friend posted pics of a new snazzy house, I'd say "invite us over you lucky so-and-so!"
If they're not a friend...why even bother thinking anything about it?!

bigageap · 17/12/2023 07:04

I’ve had to Google Balsam hill!

Frostythereindeer · 17/12/2023 07:12

There is so much hatred in your posts. You really should say this to your 'friends' directly.

Are they happy? The things which would keep you up at night with worry may be not be the same things that worry them.

Anisette · 17/12/2023 07:14

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:10

Yes, the Cornwall craze!

Apparently the locals absolutely hate the influx. Have a furiously Cornish friend who is beside himself with unbelievable rage over the 'emmets' and their huge cars that weren't made for Cornish streets. Funnily enough, he wasn't born there and gets jip for it all the time.

I always wonder what people who live in holiday areas and hate tourists think they are when they go on holiday. If you live in that sort of area, it's ridiculous to get yourself worked up over what is well known to be the area's main source of income.

Laurendelaney1987 · 17/12/2023 07:14

bigageap · 17/12/2023 07:04

I’ve had to Google Balsam hill!

Me too! Look like an artificial tree we got off studio catalog for £100 8 years ago.

and Spanish cleaning products has me dead lol

rainbowstardrops · 17/12/2023 07:20

I don't really get why it bothers you so much. You do you and let your 'friends' do them.
You don't even sound as if you like them. Let them get on with it, it's none of your business.

Swipe left for the next trending thread