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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
betterangels · 16/12/2023 23:49

But yes, if you want to still hang out with them, tell them to stop being rude about your financial choices.

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:51

We have a household income of about 100k, bought a small 3 bed that yes needs loads of work, the mortgage is still over 1kpcm and with bills and childcare things are tight. We won’t pay it off before we are 60 but we can enjoy putting our kid in a nice outfit occasionally. I suppose you would think we were irresponsible?

People who can’t afford to buy cars outright lease them and I suppose, that’s why you see people on a lower income with new expensive cars.

BMW6 · 16/12/2023 23:51

Well OP you're as two faced as it gets aren't you!

You're slagging off these people whilst describing them as Friends!

Why are you associating with people you obviously despise and deride behind their backs? Not brave enough to tell them to their faces what you really think of them?

Howbizzare22 · 16/12/2023 23:51

I wouldn’t want friends like this. So shallow & fake- too concerned with image. Ugh.

Showmethesunny · 16/12/2023 23:52

What are you actually annoyed about? Moaning about lack of money? That’s almost just polite conversation in this day and age. When it comes down to it they obviously have more money than you. That’s ok. It doesn’t need to ‘boil your piss’ or whatever other fucking gross 😷 phrase you want to use

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:53

We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore

What are you actually on about because a 40 year old car wouldn’t work surely, and would certainly be uneconomical due to repair costs?

A mobile phone costs a few hundred pounds or £20pcm in a contract…

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:54

Does this mean if I don’t get an iPhone 13 I can pay off my mortgage before the new year?

Desecratedcoconut · 16/12/2023 23:54

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:54

Does this mean if I don’t get an iPhone 13 I can pay off my mortgage before the new year?

It depends, were you thinking of having cocktails with friends this Xmas?

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2023 23:56

BrilliantEarth · 16/12/2023 22:24

I've never heard of a Balsam Tree Christmas tree. Balsam Tree sounds like crap screw-top wine.

You have now. So if OP happened to be in their marketing department her work is done.

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 23:56

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:51

We have a household income of about 100k, bought a small 3 bed that yes needs loads of work, the mortgage is still over 1kpcm and with bills and childcare things are tight. We won’t pay it off before we are 60 but we can enjoy putting our kid in a nice outfit occasionally. I suppose you would think we were irresponsible?

People who can’t afford to buy cars outright lease them and I suppose, that’s why you see people on a lower income with new expensive cars.

This post is very obviously not about people like you.

OP posts:
TerrysNeapolitan · 16/12/2023 23:57

Not my scene either.....we also have old cars, not extravagant - live out of the reduced section and couldn't care less about latest trends, but we have no mortgages on two houses and nothing on HP/lease whatever.......we live in a street of the 'grey trend', designer dog Frenchie etc, Brand new R Rover's, etc etc - you do wonder if these people are living beyond means......I'm so glad I am not interested in all that!

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 23:57

Stop minding other peoples’ spending. Don’t engage with the social media games flashing spending everywhere and decline to discuss money. You absolutely don’t need to appreciate this behavior, but it has nothing to do with you so if you’re this judgmental & worked up about it that’s utterly self-imposed.

And go find friends who you actually like and respect, since you clearly look down on these current ones.

Midwinter91 · 16/12/2023 23:57

@Desecratedcoconut ahh I was how irresponsible.

(I wasn’t planning on spending £250,000 on them though)

80skid · 16/12/2023 23:58

I never discuss my finances with friends. Often, they will say what they earn, owe on their mortgage etc. I choose not to share that information with them. Don't justify yourself OP, your spending decisions and commitments are your own.

CynthiaRothrock · 17/12/2023 00:01

I know the people you are talking about. Can't you lend me 10 cos I've got no milk for pfb.... 3 days later look at the 5 new ninja appliances I've just bought..... rinse and repeat monthly!
A prick I work with recently told me I NEED a new car. I asked why, what's wrong with mine? Well it's 12 years old, you can get finance, everyone else in the (very small) company has a new car blah blah blah..... no mate I LOVE my car, bumps scratches an all. I don't NEED a new car I don't want a new car I own my car outright (bought second hand) why do I need to get finance? But you need one..... Prick said same about my phone..... when questioned the only response as to why I need a new phone (still in contract so cant upgrade anyway) was well its not the latest one, maybe not but it only costs me 12 a month so I'm happy. Prick replies with well MINE is 89 per month with a smug look on his face.... this very same person had to borrow £12 to send his kid on a school trip......

RosePetals86 · 17/12/2023 00:03

I never believe anything on social media! All smoke and mirrors!

HappyMavis · 17/12/2023 00:03

CynthiaRothrock · 17/12/2023 00:01

I know the people you are talking about. Can't you lend me 10 cos I've got no milk for pfb.... 3 days later look at the 5 new ninja appliances I've just bought..... rinse and repeat monthly!
A prick I work with recently told me I NEED a new car. I asked why, what's wrong with mine? Well it's 12 years old, you can get finance, everyone else in the (very small) company has a new car blah blah blah..... no mate I LOVE my car, bumps scratches an all. I don't NEED a new car I don't want a new car I own my car outright (bought second hand) why do I need to get finance? But you need one..... Prick said same about my phone..... when questioned the only response as to why I need a new phone (still in contract so cant upgrade anyway) was well its not the latest one, maybe not but it only costs me 12 a month so I'm happy. Prick replies with well MINE is 89 per month with a smug look on his face.... this very same person had to borrow £12 to send his kid on a school trip......

But how do you really feel?

vivisector · 17/12/2023 00:05

@HappyMavis 😆

Sunflower8710 · 17/12/2023 00:07

It still tickles me that my friend (who lives in rented accommodation btw) boasted all about her mulberry bag. The thought of her trotting around Aldi with it really tickles me lol!

TheAlchemistElixa · 17/12/2023 00:10

@balsamshill So much of this is made up and massively exaggerated that it’s hard to know how to sufficiently reply except to say: mind your own business. I’m not sure what your real issue is, but you needn’t make it their issue.

Desdemona44 · 17/12/2023 00:13

I always think this is a wierd middle class thing, people say they are skint, but what they actually mean is they just don't have as much money as they think they should have. When a working class person says they are skint it's because they genuinely are skint.

My aunt and uncle have been like this for decades, always saying they're short of money and then going on a cruise. By short of money they mean they have had to compromise on something and can't literally buy everything they want.

Ireolu · 17/12/2023 00:16

Sunflower8710 · 17/12/2023 00:07

It still tickles me that my friend (who lives in rented accommodation btw) boasted all about her mulberry bag. The thought of her trotting around Aldi with it really tickles me lol!

I wonder what you would make of me carrying chanel in Aldi....Aldi is a great shop and there r no signs saying designer bags not allowed. I guess most would probably just think my bag is fake. I am fine with that and it's more their issue than mine :).

Tbh your friend making the most of her purchase and getting as much cost per wear out of her bag sounds like a good idea to me! But what do I know, I am a random on the Internet.

Circularargument · 17/12/2023 00:16

Catslovenip · 16/12/2023 23:10

Oh don’t get me wrong. The ones I’m talking about will drop 10k on flights when they crave some winter sunshine but they’ll spin it as an eco holiday. My point is that it’s all bullshit really. These type of people are the same as the sort you are talking about . It’s all for show. Your White BMW people are seeking the same attention as my foraging for wreath making berries people. All bullshit but amusing as hell to observe.

You sound nice. Maybe some people find you equally "amusing"?

CynthiaRothrock · 17/12/2023 00:20

HappyMavis · 17/12/2023 00:03

But how do you really feel?

Happy with my life.......

Is it perfect? Far from it. Have I had debt in the past? Yes. Have I nearly killed myself to clear it? Yes. (Debt was caused through bad circumstance and was very unavoidable) I refuse to go through that again. No I'm not perfect and yes I am guilty of overspending every now and then. Yes I have had things on 0% but only one item at a time to ensure I can cover it. Why do I need 5 ninjas when my tower works perfectly and I prefer it ( have to use a ninja at work, it's shite). Why do I NEED a new car or phone? I don't, and I don't want one either. I much rather be able to afford the odd treat and be able to let my kids go out without having to borrow money to do so. 🤷‍♀️ each to their own I suppose, just don't tell me what I supposedly need because I KNOW I DON'T need debt to be happy.

Tiredboymum22 · 17/12/2023 00:34

Why is it as soon as people have a bit of money they go to Dubai? 😂