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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be sick to the back teeth of friends being flat broke, then hopping straight on social media to show off their latest 'keeping up with the Joneses' purchase

348 replies

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 21:12

SO many people I know, they'll talk about their financial situation and being wiped out by their mortgage, having nothing left when the bills have gone out, etc.

Yet, when you log onto social media, the AGA craze/renewal among the middle classes (and wannabes) came along - suddenly they have one. Hastily throwing out perfectly good trees to replace them with Balsam Hill trees because they heard last week Balsam Hill is THE tree to have. The pizza oven trend? They all got on it straight away. And they're not afraid to let you know.

The grey house trend? They've had decorators in, DFS 0% APR'd the living room up, and had the house rendered the next month. Grey trend dies out? They've redone the whole house. They get a cockapoo to join the pug they have, still hanging on from the pug craze. Then a dachshund during the craze. Then a frenchie. Etc. They've got to have the professional photos of their children sent as Christmas cards. When showing something off outside their house, they've got to have their his and hers grey and white Mercedes/Audis/BMWs with the private plates in the pictures, and their kid's matching kiddie car.

And you have to know everything they have is the 'real McCoy', not just a copy, because they've made sure you know.

Yet, the group of 10 couples or so I know who do this, they're dead ass fucking broke. All of them. Even for the ones who aren't, they're physically unwell from the stress of holding it all together due to the nature of their income and lifestyle, and one crisis could put them on the breadline. All mortgaged up to the absolute hilt. I'd assumed it must be hard to get a mortgage, but the kind of lending these people have been trusted with is crazy - 2008, anyone?

One of them moaned about their dire situation, yet the next week were doing coke on a night out, then the next month they'd booked a holiday to Dubai on credit because you're nobody unless you went to Dubai this year, right?

It bothers me so much because the kind of boasting these people do on social media is what fuels this need to keep up with the Joneses and I'm bloody sick of it. They're engineering their own downfall by keeping this cycle going.

They joke and consider us tight, but we're the ones with disposable income in our hands at the end of the month. They can't comprehend how we live how we do with much less than they do, but we engineered our lives to be this way. We've had to explain numerous times that the reason we don't have a mortgage, is because the cars are almost older than us, our phones are so old that they're not even supported with updates and security patches anymore.

Creating a lifestyle they can't afford, bringing kids into it, then moaning to friends about how they're pay cheque to pay cheque and pay £1-2k in mortgage costs every month before you even factor in the rest of the bills, car costs, etc, but are on Facebook showing off their newest nouveau riche craze. Boils my piss.

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 17/12/2023 00:36

They're not broke. & you're too invested, which only creates envy and unhappiness. Just hide their posts, don't read

CostedStrikeRate · 17/12/2023 00:41

They sound materialistic and insecure

Coffeeandcatsforlife · 17/12/2023 00:44

I see this a lot with school parents near me. They’re all “friends” but constantly competing against each other. Moan about good prices sailing somethings got to give whilst driving around in a personalised number plate Range Rover. These people aren’t my friends, just others mums at school gate types. I find it all very irritating. I need my house decorating, washing machine, sofa etc but I refuse to get any loans. I save until I can pay cash. Never been abroad. Would love to but can’t afford it. People live beyond their means just for bragging and it’s ridiculous.

VanityDiesHard · 17/12/2023 00:46

People like that have always existed, for as long as capitalism has. Dickens rips the piss out of them: in Our Mutual Friend, there is a couple called the Veneerings who are exactly as you describe.

Needhelpsupport · 17/12/2023 00:49

Comparison really is the thief of joy. Just stop comparing…it really is not that hard !

momonpurpose · 17/12/2023 00:52

Stealth bost much?

BitOutOfPractice · 17/12/2023 00:53

Am I the only one that recognises NOTHING from the OP’s post? Absolutely zero.

I have a really lovely, comfortable life. It is only based on what me and dp, our kids, our wider families and close friends do and think and are

I feel very blessed by that.

your pursuit of “happiness” or rather your friends’ pursuit sounds very stressful.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 17/12/2023 00:55

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:16

Sorry what now? What are referred to as Deanos?

I googled it:

“Deano”: the widespread meme about a call centre supervisor who lives in a Barratt new build, has whitened teeth, and likes playing Fifa, “banter”, Love Island and package holidays to Marbella. Deano’s wife (you need a dual income to get a new build) is also a call centre supervisor. In the meme, Deano’s house is decorated with Sofology sofas – imagine!

balsamshill · 17/12/2023 00:56

momonpurpose · 17/12/2023 00:52

Stealth bost much?

Wouldn't say it's a boast. My car is so old that people have made fun of it to my face, people on this thread have told me my phone is a cybersecurity risk, and we bought our house as an unlivable husk that we almost killed ourselves transforming just so we could be mortgage free.

There's nothing to boast over there to be honest.

OP posts:
Appleblum · 17/12/2023 00:56

You sound very judgemental. They're not broke, they're just whining that they are because maybe they cannot have everything they want at the same time and are having to make choices (I.e. if they buy the expensive fridge this month they cannot afford the holiday too and have to do that next month)

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 01:04

I have never felt the need to keep up with anyone, I think that is the weirdest bit

You can't be happy with what you do so it is their fault?

middler · 17/12/2023 01:07

I think people have a different relationship with money and some people spend all their money they make ( and are willing to go into debt) and maybe sharing what they spend the money on makes them feel better about their lives, gives them a boost somehow? You live differently and try to just ignore them or unfollow them, some people just need to brag about themselves it's a personality thing, maybe they feel they need to prove something. You would not want to go on holiday with them so you know that but they will share how they want to share and social media encourages people to share their high points of their life-for many that is look at this shiny thing I have, it's like kids after Christmas boasting about the gifts they got.

weirdoboelady · 17/12/2023 01:10

Seriously, I feel so sorry for your friends. Many of them will be shit scared underneath their conspicious consumption, wondering how they are going to pay the bills. The average household debt EXCLUDING mortgage is ridiculously high, nowadays, and I wonder how people sleep at night. Many of them don't, of course.

Nanaof1 · 17/12/2023 01:17

BrilliantEarth · 16/12/2023 22:24

I've never heard of a Balsam Tree Christmas tree. Balsam Tree sounds like crap screw-top wine.

I know of no one that hasn't heard of them. Of course, on this side of the pond, they are on commercials and many Hallmark Christmas movies, with "product placement".

Yes, they are expensive, though several are under the 1K mark, at least right now.

One of the favorites of many, though shorter than most buy.

BH Balsam Fir Flip Christmas Tree™ | Balsam Hill

Shop the Balsam Fir artificial Christmas Flip Tree and bring the magic of Christmas home today. Order from Balsam Hill today and get free shipping.

https://www.balsamhill.com/p/balsam-fir-artificial-christmas-flip-tree?sku=2808407

hazandduck · 17/12/2023 01:30

balsamshill · 16/12/2023 22:08

Yes, working class mining town. Some huge 'luxury' developments were built here about 15-20 years ago so it brought in a lot of aspirational type people who wanted a five or six bed.

But yeah, two couples I know, who complain about money, bought AGAs last year.

You seem like the most dreadful snob. “Aspirational types.” So what if people have aspirations? You’re coming across really horribly in every single post. Do you feel superior for driving around in an ancient car? If their ‘friendship’ frustrates you so much just stop socialising with them. I’ve only read up to this post and can’t deal with any more 🙈😂

momonpurpose · 17/12/2023 01:32

hazandduck · 17/12/2023 01:30

You seem like the most dreadful snob. “Aspirational types.” So what if people have aspirations? You’re coming across really horribly in every single post. Do you feel superior for driving around in an ancient car? If their ‘friendship’ frustrates you so much just stop socialising with them. I’ve only read up to this post and can’t deal with any more 🙈😂

I couldn't agree more. Its amazing there are people out there that think this way.

Abouttoblow · 17/12/2023 02:23

ilovepixie · 16/12/2023 21:55

Why do you care what other people do? Jealously is a terrible thing!

Yeah, jealously of people £10000's in dent is a real thing 🙄

BouncingJAS · 17/12/2023 02:26

Nothing wrong with boosting your lifestyle with credit if you can get it cheap.

I think thats the part that bothers the OP as she seems very risk averse when it comes to money.

Experiences (like holidays) are totally worth the splurge on credit if its affordable.

PepperIsHere · 17/12/2023 02:49

I don't know anyone like you describe. I believe you though, my question is what exactly is the problem? If its seeing posts on SM well that's a quick fix.

People who I find annoying don't get to be part of my social life, works well for me.

nameychangio675 · 17/12/2023 03:12

Bravo op. Genuinely. This is why I left the U.K. - keeping up with the f ing Joneses.

Lifeasiknowitisout · 17/12/2023 03:39

I live in an ex mining town in the North. I dont recognise any of this at all.

Are agas a trend? Most people I know would view them as annoyance.

Grey interiors are not the trend anymore so your friends all seem quite behind the times tbh.

Same for he new trees or expensive holidays. There's a few of us that always have cats under 3 years old. But only when they are company cars. Even then they aren't BMWs or Mercedes etc because of BIK. I have a hyundai and next door has a skoda as the BIK is low.

Being in a working class area, up north doesn't really say it all. It might be just the people you know. They have made different choices to you. If its so frustrating hide their SM or just change the subject when they talk about money.

MermaidMummy06 · 17/12/2023 03:40

My friends family aren't quite so extreme with spending but, yes, we've lived this for 25 years. Called boring, poor, often excluded, etc.

The difference is, we have just paid our house off (in our 40's), no other debt (not even a cred card), travelled extensively (cheaply) & have healthy retirement savings. Now, apparently, we're lucky....

You can't win. Just live your life and smile & nod. If pressed I just say we have different priorities.

As an aside, ignore social media. Often you find out the picture you see is nowherr near the truth.

Myotherdogsanoodle · 17/12/2023 03:43

Spanish cleaning products???

balsamshill · 17/12/2023 04:41

Myotherdogsanoodle · 17/12/2023 03:43

Spanish cleaning products???

Massive craze at the moment in areas with lots of travelers - they bring back and sell huge amounts of this stuff. Apparently Spanish cleaning products are just better?

OP posts:
Wenlock12 · 17/12/2023 04:47

Of course people judge their flashy friends, it’s like the entire foundation of British life. Some of you need to get with the spirit of the thread or bore off, no one believes you couldn’t possibly imagine people like this 😂