Page 6 | Everyone got a secret santa apart from me

nic1079 · 2023-12-16T18:30:49+00:00

So we did a secret santa at work between 10 of us and everybody got their presents yesterday except me. I've let the organiser know and a message has been put on the group so everyone can see stating that one person is missing their present and for whoever hasn't brought it to bring it in Monday. I am not happy! The person who got me has clearly taken their present with no after thought to the person who they were supposed to buy for and no mention to the organiser that they'd forgotten it etc. What would you do if the present doesn't appear Monday? I've got a good mind to start the spanish inquisition.

FreshWinterMorning · 16/12/2023 22:05

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2023 21:29

Not really, say you have 5 people Amanda, Paul, Sarah, Tom & Carol

Amanda gets Tom
Tom gets Sarah
Sarah gets Paul
Paul gets Amanda
Carol ended up with her own name.

Show quote history

It can still work if there are an odd number...

Amanda would get for Tom
Tom would get for Sarah
Sarah would get for Amanda
Carol would get for Paul
Paul would get for Carol.

The Manager can organise it, and decide who buys for who. (If it's such a small amount of people.)

Coffeeandcocktails · 16/12/2023 22:08

It’s crap if someone’s joined in when they wouldn’t be able to buy/give the gift.
If you’re participating you need to be prepared to pull someone who you might not know well or like much. Grin and bear it, get them a candle or some beer and don’t make a big deal out of it.

it happened at my work place a few years ago, the person who didn’t receive a gift was difficult and not friendly or likeable. She went on the warpath over it but we wouldn’t expect anything less from her. Didn’t get her anywhere either. She wouldn’t have been happy with whatever gift she would have been given anyway.

hopefully it will turn up on Monday for you :)

WillowCraft · 16/12/2023 22:10

It happened to me and I never joined in with it again. It's just mindless consumerism anyway and the kind of thing that we really shouldn't be doing if we care at all about the environment. But I think it's the embarrassment that's awful about being left out - nothing to do with the gift as they are often rubbish.
Secret Santa organisers should ensure there are sufficient gifts before allowing any to be opened. As this sort of thing obviously happens far too often!

LittleGreenDuck · 16/12/2023 22:28

ILookLikeAPinkBlancmange · 16/12/2023 21:03

Don't start the Spanish Inquisition. No one expects that.

moshmoshi · 16/12/2023 22:32

@Anotheranonymousname i have the exact same feelings about being invisible although I’m confident, sociable etc as well. It’s crap but I think a lot of people feel the same way judging by other threads I read on here.

I didn’t do Secret Santa in my job I’ve had since March for the fear of being missed or getting something thoughtless- our work ones were so thoughtful overall.

I’m trying to not to be upset at feeling invisible and improve it by social life/ friendships as so many have drifted away or proved to have been more of an acquaintance.

Londontown12 · 16/12/2023 22:41

Happened to my daughter once she was only 19 and I remember her buying something really thoughtful for the person who she picked out !
And she was gutted she just left it and never did secret Santa again it’s a horrible feeling of being left out and it’s not nice !
plus someone got a pressie and they haven’t got one for someone else !

tothelefttotheleft · 16/12/2023 22:56

Londontown12 · 16/12/2023 22:41

Happened to my daughter once she was only 19 and I remember her buying something really thoughtful for the person who she picked out !
And she was gutted she just left it and never did secret Santa again it’s a horrible feeling of being left out and it’s not nice !
plus someone got a pressie and they haven’t got one for someone else !

It happened to my child when they were at secondary school. The teacher who organised the secret Santa did nothing about it. Really hurtful for a 13 ish year old.

KatherineofGaunt · 16/12/2023 23:14

This happened to me, also at a school. I was an NQT, or maybe second year teacher. I put on a smile but was actually really hurt. There was a clique at that school of some TAs and teachers, so I expect one of them had me but as I suspect they didn't like me much they didn't buy for me. It felt really horrible. I didn't kick up any kind of a fuss, just let it go, but I was still hurt.

I hope your gift turns up on Monday. Horrible people who take a gift without giving anything themselves!

octaurpus · 16/12/2023 23:26

I've never been involved in a Secret Santa, but I just know this would really upset me too! Funnily enough, I give my colleagues Christmas chocs, because I like to, and don't expect anything in return. But if it was a SS situation, I would be pissed off.

mondaytosunday · 16/12/2023 23:42

If it was a group thing getting them I'd have said half joking 'hey what about me'? Maybe the person just forgot and was embarrassed. I think I'd just have laughed it off and said 'guess I've been pretty naughty this year...'

HonoriaLucastaDelagardie · 16/12/2023 23:50

Maybe the person just forgot and was embarrassed.

Then they shouldn't have taken a gift.

OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 17/12/2023 00:16

The problem is no one can say 'I'm so sorry you didn't get your gift because I left it at home' is because it wouldn't be secret!

LeaveBritneyAlone · 17/12/2023 00:20

I’ve been in that position and it’s shit OP. This is why it’s better to have a designated Santa who organises it all. I think I’d be tempted to ask who got who

ANightingale · 17/12/2023 00:21

OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 17/12/2023 00:16

The problem is no one can say 'I'm so sorry you didn't get your gift because I left it at home' is because it wouldn't be secret!

In that situation, I'd write a note saying "sorry, left it at home, it will be on your desk on Monday without fail!" then at least the person could show the note and hopefully have a laugh about how rubbish their Santa was.

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2023 04:05

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2023 21:29

Not really, say you have 5 people Amanda, Paul, Sarah, Tom & Carol

Amanda gets Tom
Tom gets Sarah
Sarah gets Paul
Paul gets Amanda
Carol ended up with her own name.

Show quote history

But how?
has anyone actually drawn names out of a hat in the last 30 years?

I say 30 years because I remember working up a simple secret Santa randomizer for the family 30 years ago. It took all of the time it took to enter the names. It had no self-draw controls built in, but if that happened it just got rerun.

im guessing people were doing the same earlier, 30 years was just the first time I was old enough to be in charge.

WandaWonder · 17/12/2023 04:12

I would presume that the person who took my present more than likely drew someone else

If I didn't get mine all that would have happened is I did not get a present, it does not have to be a reflection on me or I don't have to chose to turn it into a thing, yeah would have thought bit mean and moved on

connie26 · 17/12/2023 04:28

How many in the group op? The boss should now ask each person to say who they bought for.
It might only be a small gift but to take yours and not give is a shitty thing to do.

PivotPivotmakingmargaritas · 17/12/2023 05:02

Canisaysomething · 16/12/2023 21:02

You do realise sometimes people have a lot of shit going on in their lives and sometimes balls get dropped.

Yes but then the person buying needed to be an adult and 1. Tell the organiser they had forgotten etc and 2. Don’t take a gift …. You don’t just forget someone then be grabby and take a gift for yourself

CoffeeCantata · 17/12/2023 06:50

OP, while I agree it's the most dignified course of action not to make a huge fuss about this, I completely get why you're hurt and annoyed. SS (which I'm no fan of) is meant to bring a bit of fun into the workplace and if it doesn't do that - and actually causes upset - then it's absolutely pointless.

And it's worth discreetly calling out the defaulter here, via your manager, who should have a word with them. I'd go so far as to say that as a manager I'd judge someone who didn't bring a gift for SS, if everyone had been a willing participant. Obviously the opportunity to opt out should be there.

I've had this happen to me and it's not the lack of crappy present - it's the embarrassment which I remember.

adomizo · 17/12/2023 07:34

But this is the organisers fault.... There should have been 10 gifts there before anyone could have one ? Yanbu OP it's a bit rubbish.

LivingDeadGirlUK · 17/12/2023 10:12

I'd be annoyed to OP, this happened to me one year when I was the one organising it! We drew names from a hat and I didn't know who got who because I was also doing it.

housethatbuiltme · 17/12/2023 10:36

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 16/12/2023 21:41

In the spirit of sharing shit secret santas, my boss has openly admitted to not putting two names into the hat to be pulled, and done so on the works WhatsApp group. Non of the others wanted to redraw the secret Santa, so two of us know exactly who has brought (or hasn’t) brought each others present.
I’m one of them.
The boss has now said everyone will swap gifts at the Xmas lunch… at the table, not handed to her previously so at least the rest do not know who drew who.
Not so secret Santa!

First and last time for me.

Edited

I have only ever known Secret Santa like that.

It always been handed over person to person all that same time at the Xmas party not through someone else. Its easy to see who didn't give something, DH work was pretty much the same but they took the gifts to each others desk.

The use of 'Secret' in 'Secret Santa' always confused me because Ive never seen one done where people didn't actually know in the end.

housethatbuiltme · 17/12/2023 10:41

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2023 04:05

But how?
has anyone actually drawn names out of a hat in the last 30 years?

I say 30 years because I remember working up a simple secret Santa randomizer for the family 30 years ago. It took all of the time it took to enter the names. It had no self-draw controls built in, but if that happened it just got rerun.

im guessing people were doing the same earlier, 30 years was just the first time I was old enough to be in charge.

Show quote history

We always just pulled from a container... I haven't done secret santa since 2015 myself but between 2009 and 2015 yep every year you just picked and folded piece of paper with a name on.

Whats this magic 30 year old randomizer you had?
On what kind of system?

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 17/12/2023 10:43

Happened to me one year and I was v upset as it made me feel undervalued.
The next year I was bought sugary alcohol mixers and I don't use either.
As a Company we've improved things now.

BabyMinnie · 17/12/2023 11:19

Ponderingwindow · 17/12/2023 04:05

But how?
has anyone actually drawn names out of a hat in the last 30 years?

I say 30 years because I remember working up a simple secret Santa randomizer for the family 30 years ago. It took all of the time it took to enter the names. It had no self-draw controls built in, but if that happened it just got rerun.

im guessing people were doing the same earlier, 30 years was just the first time I was old enough to be in charge.

Show quote history

I drew a name out of a hat 2 weeks ago