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AIBU?

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Original poster

Everyone got a secret santa apart from me

211 replies

nic1079 · 16/12/2023 18:30

So we did a secret santa at work between 10 of us and everybody got their presents yesterday except me.
I've let the organiser know and a message has been put on the group so everyone can see stating that one person is missing their present and for whoever hasn't brought it to bring it in Monday. I am not happy! The person who got me has clearly taken their present with no after thought to the person who they were supposed to buy for and no mention to the organiser that they'd forgotten it etc.
What would you do if the present doesn't appear Monday? I've got a good mind to start the spanish inquisition.

OP posts:
Pottedpalm · 16/12/2023 20:15

I once received size 8 lacy thongs as my secret Santa. I was a good size 16 st the time. I did wonder why anyone would be so unkind. If my Santa didn’t know who I was, surely they could ask and not assume I was size 8? Or if they did know… nasty.

Original poster
nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:16

Yes ours was voluntary as well so not as if anyone was forced into doing it. I'd never done one before and thought it would be fun to choose something nice for someone. Hopefully the organiser will try to find out if it doesn't come in on Monday.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 16/12/2023 20:16

OhBeAFineGuyKissMe · 16/12/2023 20:07

We did SS yesterday and I didn’t get anything, but the big difference is the person told the organiser and it will turn up. Something to do with the wrong type of leaves on the sleigh.

Grin
Merryoldgoat · 16/12/2023 20:16

Our organiser checks all gifts are received in advance and chases up missing gifts.

Hiddenvoice · 16/12/2023 20:19

This happened to me at work once before and I was upset too. My boss was calling the names and handing everyone a gift and then they all opened at once. No one noticed I didn’t have anything and I was too embarrassed to say anything so just tried to go unnoticed until my line manager spotted me and asked where my present was.

The overall bosses were actually quite annoyed as only people who wanted to be part put their names in so the person who got me got their own gift but decided not to get me anything. It was £10 max gift so everyone was getting something small or silly and they were all pretty pleased.

I dropped it, told everyone it didn’t matter but I did feel stupid and upset. A really lovely colleague went out and bought me a nice christmassy scarf as she felt awful for me. The boss then went through everyone’s names to find out who didn’t buy and it turned out to be a male colleague who said to the boss he didn’t really like me so didn’t want to buy for me 🤷🏼‍♀️

00100001 · 16/12/2023 20:23

If we're after crappy work SS experiences... I worked in the admin team of a school. I wasn't invited to take part in the "admin team Secret Santa" or their Christmas dinner, funded by the company. The same one they all talked about next lunch time about how "wasn't it so great" that all the admin team got invited and wasn't secret Santa hilarious etc...i sat there confused and said " what admin dinner?" "There was a secret Santa?" They kind of looked a bit embarrassed and said "oh couldn't you make it?" That kind of crap.

I never got invited, not one single person asked if I was going in the run up, not one person queried why I wasn't there, the SS organiser clearly didn't realise my name was "missing".etc.

So to fuck them all off... I complained to HR about it, and they weren't allowed to have funded Christmas shindigs ever again....heheheh

fishfingersandtoes · 16/12/2023 20:24

That's really shitty OP. Not just not getting a gift but how it makes you feel really awkward too. People shouldn't participate if they're not organised enough to do it. Hope something turns up on Monday!

Avacardo2023 · 16/12/2023 20:24

Were all 10 of you there in the office for the handover OP? So some CF literally walked away with a gift knowing they hadn't bought one, rather than someone being off that day.

Anotheranonymousname · 16/12/2023 20:27

I opted out of secret Santa for the first time this year after not receiving mine last year but also because it was being done as a stealing/dirty Santa so it was definitely going to be a case of impersonal tat up for grabs. Handily, I was able to use the fact I am on jury service when the gifts will be exchanged as the excuse.

Years ago I was missed out of secret Santa. The colleague who had me said he didn't get round to it 😕. It felt awkward and the guy who'd organised it told him off in front of everyone! He mumbled something about bringing it in for the new year but it never happened. I quite often feel I'm someone who's fairly invisible to others (even though I'm confident, sociable, go out of my way to support colleagues etc.) so being forgotten/not bothered about confirms that really.

Payakan · 16/12/2023 20:27

Rejoice! You can use this episode to abolish the Secret Santa at work!

Original poster
nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:29

Avacardo2023 · 16/12/2023 20:24

Were all 10 of you there in the office for the handover OP? So some CF literally walked away with a gift knowing they hadn't bought one, rather than someone being off that day.

Yes everyone was in, I work in a school, so yes they took their present and left knowing full well they hadnt left one for me. That's what upset me the most.

OP posts:
LauraPandaBear · 16/12/2023 20:29

Don't think so. Think it was 5 people team.. so everyone else got someone else

Viviennemary · 16/12/2023 20:30

It's cheeky. Send an email out to all 10 people saying you were disappointed that the person who was was supposed to get your gift had forgotten to bring it and you hope to receive it soon. Cfs

wronginalltherightways · 16/12/2023 20:35

nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:29

Yes everyone was in, I work in a school, so yes they took their present and left knowing full well they hadnt left one for me. That's what upset me the most.

Show quote history

That's pretty poor form. I'm sorry.

I'm in a school and they do a secret santa, too (exchange is next week). I'm always leery of the them so quietly don't participate.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/12/2023 20:36

I'd be interested to know which app it is. I'm generally the Secret Santa organiser and I used a few apps and websites, I've not come across one that doesn't tell me who had who. I've had to do some shaming in the past!

If it makes you feel any better, we had random gifts for our Secret Santa this year. Just put into a pile and we picked one. I got a broken bauble.. Also not participating next year!

Dibbydoos · 16/12/2023 20:37

@nic1079 it's shit and very unteam-like.

The person who didn't get your secret santa knows it.

Is there anyone in the team who's an arse? It'll be them.

The organiser should know who it is.

If tgey don't confess, get the LED mega lamp out and start the Spanish inquisition!!!

Original poster
nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:39

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/12/2023 20:36

I'd be interested to know which app it is. I'm generally the Secret Santa organiser and I used a few apps and websites, I've not come across one that doesn't tell me who had who. I've had to do some shaming in the past!

If it makes you feel any better, we had random gifts for our Secret Santa this year. Just put into a pile and we picked one. I got a broken bauble.. Also not participating next year!

It's called draw names I think. Still got app on my phone.

OP posts:
Mrgrinch · 16/12/2023 20:40

It's really shit when people are like that so I can see why you're disappointed OP.

Whatever they begrudgingly give on Monday after being found out won't be worth receiving, I can pretty much guarantee that.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/12/2023 20:41

nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:39

It's called draw names I think. Still got app on my phone.

Show quote history

If it is Draw Names, the organiser can definitely find out. That's the one I used last year. It's quite easy for them to find the info so I expect they may feel embarrassed. I had someone not get someone a gift last year and I felt responsible. I gave the person a telling off, banned them from future secret santa and bought the person a gift myself. I never let on to the person who didn't get a gift that's what happened though, as I didn't want them to feel upset.

Original poster
nic1079 · 16/12/2023 20:43

HunterHearstHelmsley · 16/12/2023 20:41

If it is Draw Names, the organiser can definitely find out. That's the one I used last year. It's quite easy for them to find the info so I expect they may feel embarrassed. I had someone not get someone a gift last year and I felt responsible. I gave the person a telling off, banned them from future secret santa and bought the person a gift myself. I never let on to the person who didn't get a gift that's what happened though, as I didn't want them to feel upset.

Show quote history

Yes I just saw that, it says they can find out the day after.

OP posts:
tdino · 16/12/2023 20:43

I wouldn't have drawn it with one missing. Would have said had it in by x, or speak to me if an issue

AGoingConcern · 16/12/2023 20:44

That’s the pits, sorry. People who do that are selfish cads and a bit pathetic.

There’re nothing to be from making a big thing of it from here. Everyone knows it happened & with such a small group, the name of the freeloader will ultimately come to light - if you avoid appearances of being a pill between now and then, they’ll look even worse and people will have more sympathy for you.

Otherwise, acknowledge the bummed feelings and the. focus on moving on and enjoying your holiday. Feel good about the bit of joy you brought the person you gifted and reframe it as an act of generosity on your side rather than an exchange.

housethatbuiltme · 16/12/2023 20:48

Its shit not to receive something but there might be a reason, hopefully your thoughtful gift is just running late.

That happened to me once, the thing I ordered didn't arrive in time for the Xmas party and the recipient was 'distance' (WFH) so the person got it in January when they next came in. It was just a product of shitty Xmas delivery issue (was ordered way in advanced but customized and they took forever to post it and the post was delayed).

Honestly I find a shit gift even worse than nothing, someone once gave me a flyer from the lobby of the building. THAT was more offensive than when I got nothing at all as it felt like a joke at my expense.

I have never got a good Secret Santa which is sad because I loved picking out thoughtful gifts for people but the very 'best' I ever got was a £5 gift card for the shop below the party with receipt in the carrier bag it was handed over in showing it had been bought 7 minutes before handover.

It was a shop everything cost more than £5 so I would have to spend money to buy myself a gift. They sold 'live, laugh, love' rustic signs and 'prosseco time' wine glasses etc... so as far as possible from my taste and nothing I would spend money on so the gift card went to waste (no one I know wanted it either since it was basically a money burden).

NoraSais · 16/12/2023 20:54

Oh that’s crap! I no longer join in Secret Santa at work as my presents were such tat. I’d not bother next time OP.

Showmethesunny · 16/12/2023 20:56

‘I would say thanks but I never got one.’

that kind of passive aggressive cuntery is why