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Original poster

To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?

229 replies

Poinseis95 · 15/12/2023 11:56

I’m 29 and my Nan is 84 and this year she has said she can’t do Christmas dinner anymore as she doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family because she’s too old. Obviously, I completely understand that and expected it to happen eventually but I feel quite sad that Christmas will never be the same again. This year she and the family are coming to us and Mum is doing the dinner. I really enjoyed going to Nan’s on Christmas Day.

OP posts:
mottytotty · 15/12/2023 12:04

I can't believe you and your family were making your 84 nan cook tbh.

And now your mum is taking over the skivvying.

Do you all pitch in at least?

Original poster
Poinseis95 · 15/12/2023 12:06

@mottytotty Yeah we do. Who does it in your family then?

OP posts:
mottytotty · 15/12/2023 12:07

Poinseis95 · 15/12/2023 12:06

@mottytotty Yeah we do. Who does it in your family then?

We take it turns. When it's our turn, DH cooks as he's better at it and I wash up.

Mariannas · 15/12/2023 12:07

what a selfish attitude

sparkles27 · 15/12/2023 12:08

@Poinseis95 I am surprised she has been doing it up until 84 tbh, should have stopped a lot sooner

crumpet · 15/12/2023 12:08

Would she be happy to host if you all did the food, the table setting and washing/clearing up afterwards so that all she needs to do is sit back with a gin or a sherry and have a lovely time being looked after?

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 15/12/2023 12:08

You won't lose the memories of past Christmas times with your nan, but the reality of her getting older/frailer might be a bit hard on you all now too - she's been a constant in your life, and her Christmas celebrations clearly brought you all joy, so it will be hard to think of that not happening again. Make new memories with new traditions and pamper her a bit now though.

craigth162 · 15/12/2023 12:08

Ypu sound like a child

BoohooWoohoo · 15/12/2023 12:09

I hope that my kids will bf cooking Christmas dinner when I’m 83. I can’t believe that your nan cooked last year- very sad.

Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter · 15/12/2023 12:09

sparkles27 · 15/12/2023 12:08

@Poinseis95 I am surprised she has been doing it up until 84 tbh, should have stopped a lot sooner

This isn't necessarily true - some older folk still want to do Christmas and it's actually really hard to get them to step down! Of course nan is now admitting she cannot do it any more, so she needs to be looked after this year.

wheretoyougonow · 15/12/2023 12:10

It's hard when tradition changes and the realization that family members are getting older.
Take this as an opportunity to make slightly new traditions and find happiness in the fact your nan is able to still enjoy being with your family. You'll probably have just as good a time as normal.

sparkles27 · 15/12/2023 12:11

@Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter They might want to do it, doesn't necessarily mean they should

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/12/2023 12:12

It would be unreasonable to tell your nan how you feel, but it's not unreasonable to feel it!

sprigatito · 15/12/2023 12:12

Do we know that anyone was "making" the Nan cook? Maybe she wanted to do it? She's clearly spoken up and said she doesn't feel up to it any more, so there's no reason to believe she was being coerced before. Lots of older people reluctant to slow down until they really have to.

OP it is sad and discombobulating when traditions have to change. My Christmas is going to be different this year too, and I'm struggling with it. It will be ok though, you'll still all be together and you can take the opportunity to spoil your Nan and look after her.

Original poster
Poinseis95 · 15/12/2023 12:12

@Perhapsanorhertimewouldbebetter Yes she loved doing Christmas dinner but in 2022 she found it exhausting so this year she has stepped down.

OP posts:
FuckingHellAdele · 15/12/2023 12:13

Mariannas · 15/12/2023 12:07

what a selfish attitude

Give her a break, she's 84

😅

ActDottie · 15/12/2023 12:14

Mariannas · 15/12/2023 12:07

what a selfish attitude

This.

I can’t believe last year you’d have made an 83 year old cook! I’m glad your nan has stood up for herself!

We share the cooking in our family because it’s a massive stress and burden to do all by yourself. Tbh I’d be helping your mum out with the cooking. I wouldn’t let my mum cook Christmas dinner for everyone on her own.

Chemenger · 15/12/2023 12:14

I can’t believe that she had to tell you this: none of you saw that asking an 84 year old to cook for a crowd was unreasonable? My parents and in-laws were invited to ours or our siblings as soon as we had children. In-laws used to do a tour of the country in the two weeks around Christmas and New Year, being entertained by their children. MIL cooked her last Christmas dinner at around 60. You all sound a bit selfish.

MidnightMeltdown · 15/12/2023 12:15

OMG I thought you were going to say that you were upset because she couldn't come to Christmas dinner - but you're upset that you can't go to her house and have her cook it for you?

Seriously, you need to grow up. This sounds incredibly selfish

mn29 · 15/12/2023 12:16

Can’t believe you’ve all been fine with a woman in her 80s doing Christmas dinner up until this point. YABU to have not taken the burden from her sooner.

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 15/12/2023 12:16

I'm a lot younger than your nan and I gave up cooking for large groups years ago.

ArsenicInTheAppleTart · 15/12/2023 12:16

Granny is tired, babes.

To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?
EvilElsa · 15/12/2023 12:16

I get what you mean.
My grandparents (similar age to your nan) used to do Sunday tea for the whole family every Sunday when I was growing up. When they couldn't manage anymore it was really sad-not because anyone expected them to carry on when they couldn't manage, but because it was the end of a era. It was never the same afterwards and nobody could replace that feeling of coziness and love that their house and hospitality had. It wasn't that anyone missed getting a Sunday tea.

ettieb · 15/12/2023 12:17

My mother and grandparents were all dead by the time i was 24... you don't realise how blessed you are too be able to spend christmas with them at all..

Bumble84 · 15/12/2023 12:21

Did an 83 year old seriously do all the prep/cooking and plating up? That’s bonkers if so. I sincerely hope you all at least helped her to wash up!

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