To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?

[Poinseis95]

I’m 29 and my Nan is 84 and this year she has said she can’t do Christmas dinner anymore as she doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family because she’s too old. Obviously, I completely understand that and expected it to happen eventually but I feel quite sad that Christmas will never be the same again. This year she and the family are coming to us and Mum is doing the dinner. I really enjoyed going to Nan’s on Christmas Day.

Fair play to your nan if she could do it. I hope it wasn’t too much for her previously.

Your nan is 84, how much longer did you all think she could do this for. Of course it's always sad when a family tradition has to change and I'm sure you have lots of lovely memories, but time changes things and your nan now needs to step back and be cooked for every year. Perhaps she can make a dessert or something that you all love (if she's up for it of course).

Ignore the people who have mis read your post. I agree it’s sad but you have a new tradition of fussing over her, keeping her baileys topped up and asking her if the gravy needs more if X to get it to taste right etc to look forward to. Nan will be at the centre of it all still op, enjoy Christmas

Those who are saying the OP is being selfish, she's not. If her Nan offered to cook all this time its up to her, she's and adult and isn't 'tied to the oven'. She can always say no.

And she has said no.

But wouldn’t it be nice if people looked and thought ‘hmm grandma doesn’t seem quite as spritely these days, maybe I’ll ask if she needs a hand with the Christmas dinner’.

Rather than waiting for her to vocalise the fact she’s just not capable any more.

I understand OP.
It’s not about who does the cooking or being selfish, it’s about growing up and nostalgia and change and that’s hard at any age.

Also if Christmas is at yours this year, you should be cooking as your mum needs to have a break too. Taking it in turns doesn't just refer to the house it's in, but also who's doing the work. You're 29, not 16.

I'm 62 now and cooked my last Xmas dinner at 60. Last year we all went to my eldest sons this year to my youngest sons. I pay for all the Xmas food and they do the cooking. It suits us all very well. This year my youngest son has already told me I'm not allowed in the kitchen at all so no cooking or loading dishwasher, so I'll be in the sitting room with the Prosecco and chocolates. At 84 your Gran needs to be in the sitting room with her feet up not cooking or loading the dishwasher.

We’ve just taken on doing the Christmas dinner for the family, previous years my MIL always hosted but she is getting more and more tired and just wants to relax and let us youngins take it on, she’s really looking forward to coming over for Christmas and not having to cook 😁 got 10 people coming and super excited to host tbh, although I understand it’s sad OP, you can now start a new tradition 😁

I think maybe what you really mean is that you are sad because you're now having to face up to the fact that your nan is less active and more frail than she used to be. It's not that you're sad because the rest of you can't be arsed to cook Christmas dinner, as some people are implying! You're sad because people are getting older and because it feels like the end of an era. I can understand that.

I agree with others that it's surprising that your nan was still cooking a full Christmas dinner for everyone at the age of 83, but assuming you weren't all pressuring her to do it and she knew that it wasn't an obligation, fair play to her if it was something she enjoyed doing.

I'm guessing you'll all make sure that this year she puts her feet and gets spoiled rotten by everyone :)

I can't believe people haven't been slowly taking over by bringing things for the last 10 years. Poor Nan

I'm shocked she was doing it for so long.

And count yourself lucky....my parents and grandparents were all dead by the time I was 29. You are lucky to have each other whoever does the cooking

Sorry to be rather blunt, OP, but Christmas is never really the same again only after you start losing your loved ones. Don't be sad, instead be thankful you still get to enjoy your Nan's company! She's 83, let her enjoy her rest.

Of course this is fine if it suits you. But for many who love doing the Christmas dinner, 60 might be very young to hang your boots up!

I absolutely love cooking and catering at Christmas and don’t see it as a chore at all. OP’s nan may have been the same.

Some people are being seriously patronising. My grandparents love hosting and adore cooking Christmas dinner, despite many of us offering to do it, or asking would they rather book a table somewhere etc.

They have it planned to a fine art, there's no stress, they have smiles on their faces all day, and they love every second of it.

I'd hate to be told I shouldn't do something because I was too old.

And yes, I'm with OP, when things have been a certain way for so long, it is different and very sad when it changes.

I never knew my grandparents but I remember when my mum stopped doing it - she didn't announce it it just made sense as we had a big house so we had them to ours and my husband would cook. I loved my mum's Christmas dinners! Nothing compares to how she did it.

When i read the title I assumed she couldn't make Christmas dinner meant she wouldn't be there not that she wouldn't actually cook the meal. I thought perhaps she was in hospital or a care home.

I don’t think anyone’s made her cook as they’ve fully respected her decision to step down.

OP is just down as it’s the end of an era.

I think a lot of people are reading this post in the wrong light
It's not that OP wants her nan at 84 to be slaving over a hot stove on christmas day, nor does she want her nan to take on too much.

I very much expect she means that is an end of an era and also an acceptance that her nan is getting frailer. Traditions can hold fast and it CAN be sad when they end for whatever reason

YANBU to be sad OP, Its fine to feel this way.

This was my thought. How totally ridiculous.

😂

Exactly! Mary Berry is 88! According to most of these posters she ought to have been forced into retirement and treated like an incapable child to be cosseted and patronised years ago, regardless of how she feels about it.

The Queen was still working a full schedule at 88. Maggie Smith is still working at 88. Agatha Christie wrote three novels in her eighties.

Posters need to get over their weird ageist assumptions.

I'm 69 and my 19 year old grandson is in charge of Christmas Dinner this year. Obviously everyone will have jobs to do. You need to step up. Edit: that last bit was to the OP not @BoohooWoohoo

Which is great.

But the OP's grandmother clearly doesn't have this level of stamina. And that's unlikely to have only become apparent in the last few months.

The op said Nan had said she “doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family” so it sounds like there was actually a lot of work involved. Not the same scenario as your Nan.

I'm surprised that one of her children didn't take this over years ago. Did your parent/aunt/uncle offer and your nan say she was happy to carry on? Can't get my head around this.