To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?

[Poinseis95]

I’m 29 and my Nan is 84 and this year she has said she can’t do Christmas dinner anymore as she doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family because she’s too old. Obviously, I completely understand that and expected it to happen eventually but I feel quite sad that Christmas will never be the same again. This year she and the family are coming to us and Mum is doing the dinner. I really enjoyed going to Nan’s on Christmas Day.

My late nan would have kicked my arse had I tried to sit her down in front of the fire with a Baileys while I cooked in her kitchen 😂. Not every nan wants to sit in a chair with a blanket while everyone fusses round. How patronising.

Can you not still go to your Gran’s, but you all pitch in with the cooking? She can sit with a cuppa and supervise?
Our folks are late 70s now, and I share the cooking with my Dad and sister. We like cooking, and others in the family share the prep, clear up, ferrying about the oldies, etc. We all have jobs for division of labour. Well, except the 6 year old. We felt he couldn’t quite manage to flambé the Xmas pudding.

OR she did it reluctantly out of a sense of duty and not wanting to ‘let people down’. We don’t know if anyone ever offered her the chance not to host.

Well things change obviously as we all get older. I used to love going to my dad & sm's with DDS around Christmas but my dad has now passed. Great memories though

But the OP's nan doesn't want to do it any more. She has said so.

Oh ffs why are people so adamant on missing the point? OP is clearly upset that a tradition is ending which is reasonable!

I don't get all this "can't believe you made your nan cook". I'm sure an 84 year old woman can make up her own mind on whether she wants to cook or not.

I think the OP means it’s the end of an era, not that she expects an elderly woman to cook.

Agree with this.
people on MN are horrible, implying you are forcing granny to be a slave to you all. If she’s like my late gran, the kitchen was HER domain (vicars wife and cookery teacher - nobody dared argue). She loved it and loved having us in her home. And we loved it too. Of course it was sad when that changed as tradition was lost, and it was a sign of her gradually declining.
Ignore the horrible people on here OP. Have a great Christmas

Agreed. Look at David Attenborough! 97 and still going strong. Michael Caine - slacker's just retired at the ridiculously young age of 90!

My mum's 91. When I go up to stay with her she won't let me take over the cooking. On the odd occasion I do manage to get permission to do something, she hovers over me, chops things, gets things out, etc etc. After all, I am only 62 ... My Mum would be perfectly capable of cooking a pared down Christmas dinner using ready-made roast potatoes, turkey crown and a few other short cuts. (I do wash up, but she dries. And puts away. And wipes down the hob.)

Yes, and that's fine. Doesn't mean she wants to be treated like a invalid. There's so many comments saying oh tuck her up in a chair etc. She wants to stop cooking, doesn't mean she instantly becomes incapable of moving around and joining in or wants people fucking around in her kitchen.

It is sad when some Christmas traditions stop, there is a sadness about it. It reminds you she is growing older and not as able as she once was.

It is sad when a tradition ends, she did very well to cook such a big dinner till she was 83. Now it’s someone else’s turn and hopefully one day you will be that 80 odd year old who throws in the tea towel.

Absolutely this. My MIL (mid 70s) moans about cooking christmas dinner and she's too old but she won't let anyone else do it!

Some people love doing it (I do actually) and don't want to stop. It's not selfish of the OP to be sad about the end of a tradition.

except the 6 year old. We felt he couldn’t quite manage to flambé the Xmas pudding.

Helicopter parenting! Kids nowadays, wrapped up in cotton wool, etc etc.

It's deliberate. People love a pile on.
It's gone from the OP being a bit sad to people being convinced the poor little old granny has been in some kind of gulag where her table of adult children cackle as she limps in with endless courses of food. Everyone knows what the OP meant really.

I get it, you're not saying she's lazy and you think she should just suck it up, you're just saying it's sad as it's almost end of an era. No need for the nastiness guys

She probably doesn't want all that disruption in her house.

I'm amazed no one offered to do it before OP. I hope she wasn't feeling exhausted all this time and too nervous to speak up for years.

My father still cooks Christmas dinner and he is 94. He spends half the year planning it. Woe betide anyone who tries to stop him , or who suggests he might like to cut down on the 20 types of veg he deems necessary for the occasion

They might want to do it, doesn't necessarily mean they should

Well how bloody patronising can you get.

But the OP's grandmother clearly doesn't have this level of stamina. And that's unlikely to have only become apparent in the last few months.

You're her doctor are you?

I can't believe people haven't been slowly taking over by bringing things for the last 10 years. Poor Nan

The OP doesn't say they haven't.

But wouldn’t it be nice if people looked and thought ‘hmm grandma doesn’t seem quite as spritely these days, maybe I’ll ask if she needs a hand with the Christmas dinner’.

Maybe they've asked and been sent away with a flea in their ear.

I'm astonished at how many posters on a geographically widely used website know the OP's grandmother better than the OP does.

OP it's OK to be sad. When you realise that things can't be the same every year forever, and when you realise that time has to move on and we get older and can't do the things we did. But now is the time to step up to the plate and make sure that you create a magical Christmas for your family. Including your gran. let her know she's leaving Christmas in safe hands.

My goodness, I'd be completely embarrassed and feel very guilty that I'd expected an elderly lady to host and cook all of Christmas if I were a member of your family. What a rotten thing to do.

I'm in my 30s, my parents are in their 70s. I work over Christmas but still do all the cooking and hosting, as they did when they were younger for my grandparents. I can't remember the last time my parents did the cooking etc, but I know that they'd have struggled with blood pressure, swollen legs etc even in their early 70s.

I cannot believe you and your Mum let your 83 year old Nan do Xmas dinner last year!

One day you'll have to do it. Only then will you understand just how hard it is!

She's 84!! She's done her bit
Now she's passed the baton to your parents before it's your turn
I have a 29 year old who cooks for me, his Mum as I'm disabled
You still have memories but times change

I'm the nan in this situation so not ageist but my family have always done a combined effort and, as I said in another post, my grandson is taking charge this year co-ordinating roles. I'm surprised one person, a few years older than me, has being doing it by themselves for so long. I certainly won't be tucked up in a chair in the corner sipping Baileys, though, because doesn't have to be one extreme or the other.

When you said "doing" Xmas dinner, I thought you meant she wasn't going to have dinner with you and was about to vote YANBU. But I think you mean actually cooking and hosting and you are there very unreasonable! Time moves on, new traditions, and it is about time your mother and the rest of the family hosted instead. Sorry. I hope no-one is going to make her feel even the slightest bit bad about it!!

My mother always said she would cook Xmas dinner until she was 70 and then it was my turn. Seemed very fair to me! Sadly she didn't live to 70.

I think some comments are a little harsh. Dhs gran does Xmas Dinner every year and she'd be horrified if you suggesting taking that away from her (obviously we pitch in and help). Family traditions are important and I understand feeling sad when they change and family members you love get older and less able. I'd try to look at it as the opportunity to learn how to carry on the tradition and build on it.