To be sad my Nan can’t do Xmas dinner this year?

[Poinseis95]

I’m 29 and my Nan is 84 and this year she has said she can’t do Christmas dinner anymore as she doesn’t have the energy to do a huge dinner for the whole family because she’s too old. Obviously, I completely understand that and expected it to happen eventually but I feel quite sad that Christmas will never be the same again. This year she and the family are coming to us and Mum is doing the dinner. I really enjoyed going to Nan’s on Christmas Day.

I can imagine my mother still doing Christmas dinner for everyone at 84 if she’s still healthy and fit! She gets pretty put out when it is suggested that someone else does it, she says she’s not ready to give up doing it.
Why assume that anyone is forcing or ‘making’ her nan do anything?
Change is often hard and it’s completely normal to feel a little sad that your childhood Christmas is now a thing of the past.

Your poor nan! I can't believe she was still doing it at 83!!
My grandparents and even great grandparents came to my parents for Christmas and were treated like royalty.
My parents have been coming to us since they were about 60 (in their 70s now) and they aren't allowed to lift a finger. They hosted for 40 years and now they get to relax and enjoy being looked after. I hope that tradition continues when my kids settle down and it's my turn to be waited on.
Sorry OP, but I think you've all been really mean not having your nan sit there and be treated like a Queen for the last 20 years!

I aspire to this level of nan-hood!

Indeed - the woman is a force to be reckoned with. When she was young she saw off the local gangster who used to come round to the family shop for protection money.

No one is really sure how she did it but he never called again.]

The idea that she did the cooking but never really enjoyed it (as pp has suggested about older cooks) is laughable. No one ever made that woman do anything she didn't want to do in her life!

I also agree with @Ploctopus that there is some mad projection going on on this thread.

I love cooking Christmas/Thanksgiving dinner, I don't find it hard work at all and I really look forward to doing it and there is nothing better than feeding happy faces!! I also love cooking because I hate washing up, and I LOVE the kudos and admiration. For all we know, OP's Nan has been resisting giving up cooking for years. I know I won't be giving up being the christmas chef willingly...

Enjoy Christmas with your nan even it’s a bit different than usual.

I thought you were going to say that you were sad because your grandma didn’t have the energy to go to your house for the Christmas dinner that you were cooking!

My 84 year old mum has been invited to my niece’s house and she’s worried about having enough energy to just be sociable and jolly.

Not that I’ve ever cooked a Christmas dinner so don’t listen to me!🤣

Why are they coming to yours this year but its your mum doing dinner and not you?

Good god! You should have started doing that job 30 years ago.

I cannot believe you have let your nan do the job all this time.

Think how lucky you are that she’s still here. Imagine if she wasn’t cooking dinner because she was no longer around, that would be incredibly hard to deal with. You should make a joke of it and say ‘Mum, this isn’t quite as good as Nan’s’. Providing you all have a sense of humour and are good natured you could all hold up cards at the end voting for ‘Nan’ or ‘Mum’.

N.B Don’t do that if you think there is the slightest chance of your Mum or Nan being pissed off!!

Oh come on. Obviously it's really sad that you've been through that at such a young age, but that is not at all relevant to OP's situation. Regardless of what anyone else has been through, or anyone who has it worse, OP is allowed to be sad that a long family tradition is changing

Why is everyone acting like OP and family chained the nan to the cooker and beat her whilst forcing her to cook!? Maybe the nan wanted to do it all this time and has only just realised she no longer feels capable

If we’d tried to stop my Grandma cooking lunch for the family at Christmas Day / Boxing Day or whenever we’d have got short shrift I can tell you!! She didn’t do it every year, but was certainly doing it into her eighties on occasion, even after Grandad died. And of course everyone chipped in with prep, laying the table, clearing and washing up. But she loved the occasion, and we all loved leaning against her Aga. It’s one of the reasons that as soon as w head the right house, we had an Aga as well.

Your post has actually brought back some lovely Christmas memories, even though she died not far off 20 years ago. And it was particularly nice as I was feeling a bit down about the fact that it’s already the 5th Christmas since my husband died, and that feels like only yesterday. I now have happy Christmas and aga memories of Grandma and my husband front of mind. So thanks xx

Posters are being harsh saying OP is selfish and childish. It's bloody horrible when you realise your parents/grandparents are getting older and can't do all the things they used to.
We still go to my parents on Christmas day (they won't go to anyone's house for Christmas) but for the last 4 years me and DH have done most of the prep, cooking and shopping.
My mum wouldn't be able to cook a roast now and I hate seeing how frail she is. It makes me sad but I won't tell her that.
OP it is hard and ignore the spiteful comments but at least you have lovely memories and you can make new traditions now.

Exactly! What’s all this ‘poor Nan’ and
’I can’t believe it’ stuff?!

Of course all 84 year olds differ (Pru Leith is 83!) but it’s not out of the question that OP’s nan actually enjoyed cooking Christmas dinner.

She's 84, I'm shocked nobody took over sooner!

perhaps but it's more likely she's been feeling she doesn't quite have the energy for a while and this is the year she's finally vocalised it.

Honestly I get it. My mam does Christmas Day dinner every year. She's 76. For the last 10 years I've been trying to do it for her. She refuses. She wants to be in her own home for Christmas which is fine but she won't let me cook in her kitchen or bring anything. The most she will concede is me & my kids go down to her on Christmas Eve & clean her house for her & prep all veg. She cooks Turkey & Ham that day so then veg is ready to put on the next day.
Starter is always melon that my dad makes & dessert will be shop bought unless she has time to make an apple tart or mince pies.
On the day she will not allow anyone to help her dish up cos she has a system & we get in her way.
I'd love to do it for her. I only live 3 mins away but maybe one day she'll allow me lol.

Those who are saying the OP is being selfish, she's not. If her Nan offered to cook all this time its up to her, she's and adult and isn't 'tied to the oven'. She can always say no. The OP is sad that the little tradition they have had has come to an end. Please try and understand the way its been written and not try and interpret it to mean another thing.

@Flyinggeesei234 now you've pointed that out they'll all be saying how cruel Paul Hollywood and Ch4 are for making her do bake off against her will because according to mumsnet she should be sat on the sofa doing nothing

I understand where your coming from, my Nan cooked the BEST roast dinner in the world. She used to still cook Christmas dinner well into her 80's when she was well enough. Only for 4 people though, not a big group. The last few years of her life I took over and made her Christmas dinner. She taught me all her tips and tricks and now I make a really nice roast dinner too! I was just pleased she was still here to celebrate Christmas with to be honest, traditions change but as long as your all together this year you should treasure it.

how have you not all been making HER dinner for the last 20 years? bloody norah, op

This!
There's a 92 year old still horse riding in our village and lots of people in their 80s still out and about and doing things. My grandad was cycling miles round the County in his 80s. Not every person is decrepit in older age and people do actually enjoy cooking and hosting. My grandparents absolutely loved it and any offers of people taking over or helping were refused. We did all do the clean up afterwards though! My gran was a fiesty lady and would have had no issues telling us she didn't want to cater or giving us a bollocking if we tried to help.

I think it’s more sad that she had to announce she couldn’t do it anymore as opposed to people telling her maybe 5-10 years ago that they would take over so she can relax and enjoy the day!

I think YANBU to miss the tradition but obviously it’s a lot of work for an 84 year old, which you acknowledge.
I think people are being harsh to the OP on here!

Agree.

There are lots of older people who do not want to be side lined and "retire" from the things they like doing, whether it's gardening or cooking, etc.

Being told to sit down and leave it to others can really upset them and feel like they have been made redundant.

Years ago, I knew of a woman who was a home help in her 80s! Some of her clients were younger than her. She was very sprightly and said that she didn't mind helping "the older folks".

Nan has had to face the fact that she physically cannot do it any more and that is sad.