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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

209 replies

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 13:59

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

OP posts:
Wowzel · 14/12/2023 14:02

You are being unfair and need to leave him alone to get his work stuff sorted! I'm sure he'll be excited when he is getting ready to leave

DaggerIsle · 14/12/2023 14:02

YTA- you sound exhausting! You're like my 10 year old, who's spent the past month asking me if I'm excited about Christmas.
I will be. At Christmas.

He's explained that he's busy and not yet in holiday mode, and instead of accepting it, you are upset he's not mirroring your excitement- you think he's going off you??? He will be if you carry on like this.

Peepshowcreepshow · 14/12/2023 14:03

You are being very unfair and, quite frankly, a bit weird. Why on earth would you assume he's 'gone off you' because he's not over enthusiastic about a holiday?

Original poster
PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 14:04

It’s been booked for ages and it’s a HUGE deal for us as we’ve never had much money and and this is by far the biggest holiday we’ve ever had

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2023 14:06

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

You need to chill out.

I would love to go to the Caribbean but I would also be naused out by someone going on at me every five minutes and expecting me to have to mirror their every emotion. It's exhausting and controlling.

WTF do you expect him to say: "Yes I'm excited again. Even more so than when you asked five minutes ago!"

It takes all the joy out of something if you feel like your emotions are being policed. Odds are if you leave him to it he'll realise he's excited under his own steam.

Nesbi · 14/12/2023 14:08

His head isn’t in the same place as yours, he has other things to think about and clear out of the way. I can totally relate to not being able to think about a holiday while I have other stuff to do before I can relax. I think if I were him I’d be feeling both a bit annoyed, and probably mildly jealous that you’re already in holiday mode!

DaggerIsle · 14/12/2023 14:08

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 14:04

It’s been booked for ages and it’s a HUGE deal for us as we’ve never had much money and and this is by far the biggest holiday we’ve ever had

So it's not brand new. He's known about this holiday for ages and is tying up loose ends before he can relax.
Loads of people don't project excitement ahead of time- I get into holiday mode when I arrive at the airport!
You need to stop emotionally blackmailing him into turning into you.

Undisclosedlocation · 14/12/2023 14:09

Yabu and immature. If I were him, my excitement at the imminent holiday and 24/7 company would be going down rapidly if you were carrying on like this
Take a chill pill and leave the poor bloke alone!

Aprilx · 14/12/2023 14:10

I really love my holidays but I cannot imagine going on about being excited for a week beforehand because I am not 6 years old. You sound absolutely exhausting. He has already explained to you that he has two big things to deal with first, that seems quite reasonable, I would be the same I think.

Ablondiebutagoody · 14/12/2023 14:10

You are being very unreasonable. He's had a busy week, lots of early starts, hasn't had time to switch off yet or let his mind wander. If it's that busy he's probably also trying to get as much done as possible so its not a nightmare when he gets home.

Stop being weird and expecting him to feel like you do right now about the holiday ( which you are even though you told him you aren't). Get off his case.

If you have the time and he doesn't, what's wrong with you doing the planning?

stayathomer · 14/12/2023 14:11

I’m so sorry op, I honestly don’t want to laugh, but you used the word ‘excited’ so much that I started laughing and hit yabu. Because your dp must be a bit wrecked, and you’re so excited!!!! Have the best time and thanks for the laugh and sorry for laughing- you sound lovely and deserve to have a fab holiday!

DeedlessIndeed · 14/12/2023 14:12

YABU

The week before annual leave is the most stressful time in my role. Ensuring everything is covered, thinking ahead, checking no balls will be dropped on top of your daily duties.

Why are you adding to his stress? He has very clearly communicated when he will have brain space to focus on the holiday.

I know you're excited as this is a rare LH holiday, but the way you are handling yourself would, quite frankly, piss me off.(And yes, ultimately if it didn't stop after I'd explained myself, it would be a big turn off too).

CalistoNoSolo · 14/12/2023 14:13

God you sound annoying, just from the little I've read here. Are you completely lacking in any understanding that your partner is concentrating on getting everything finished so he can in fact, enjoy his holiday?

DuploTrain · 14/12/2023 14:13

I never fully switch off and get excited about a holiday until I’ve finished work and closed my laptop. And then decompressed for a bit.

Now I never thought I’d say this on mumsnet, but leave the poor man alone!

Mercedes45 · 14/12/2023 14:15

When reading your post, all I imagined was a floppy eared springer spaniel bouncing off the walls.

MilkChocolateCookie · 14/12/2023 14:15

My DH is just like this OP! I get all excited about going on holiday whereas he needs to get everything else sorted (like your DP's important things you mention) and THEN he'll get excited and start thinking about the holiday - like about a day before!

I find it frustrating like you do, because it would be fun to get excited about it together, but at the end of the day we're all different. He's not deliberately trying to make you feel shit.

ABCXYZ17 · 14/12/2023 14:15

YABU
Let him get his things out of the way, he has told you that these are on his mind. I’d be very irritated if I had some significant things to do and someone kept asking me if I was excited about a holiday.

Princessfluffy · 14/12/2023 14:16

Everyone does not have to behave in the same way as you at the same time OP.
If you don't realise this by now then maybe it's not all that easy being in a relationship with you.

YeahIsaidit · 14/12/2023 14:16

You sound really annoying, I'll bet you're going into work saying "it's only X days until my holibobs!! 😃" every day and annoying your workmates too

RichardsGear · 14/12/2023 14:16

You would do my head in 😂. Leave him be and, for the love of God, when you're away do not ask him every five minutes if he's enjoying himself !

Christmasmug · 14/12/2023 14:19

What you're doing reminds me of DC saying 'are we nearly there yet' every 5 minutes on a long car journey OP, give the poor guy a break! I totally get that you're excited, I would be too but you have to understand and respect that he's not in the same headspace, especially as you've said yourself you've had a relatively easy week and he's stressed with work. It's a 'read the room' situation and I'm afraid it's you who's getting it wrong.

DixonD · 14/12/2023 14:20

Sorry, but this would drive me nuts. My husband does this to me and I just don’t get excited about stuff in the same way he does.

Calm down 😂

Mrsttcno1 · 14/12/2023 14:20

Totally agree with other posters, you are being very unreasonable.

He’s still working, and also, as adults we don’t need to verbally express excitement in order to be looking forward to something!

Rocknrolla21 · 14/12/2023 14:21

Dear lord you sound tedious op. I agree with pp that the last week before the holiday is the most stressful. We’ve not been on holiday for 4 years. My 7yo has just been given the all clear for lymphoma. We NEED this holiday. We’re leaving early hours Sunday morning for a 3 day trip to Lapland. We haven’t told the kids yet. We’ve saved for this holiday for a little over 2 years. I’ve already finished work and oh last day is today and we’re stressed AF!! I know I’m going to have huge anxiety that will only start to ease once we’re packed and the dogs have been safely dropped off at kennels Saturday morning. I’m not going to 100% relax and even start to feel the excitement until we’re all sat on that plane. For the love of god op, leave the poor man alone and stop sucking the little bit of joy away that he’s actually been able to muster over your weird nagging

crankit · 14/12/2023 14:21

Everyone is being a bit harsh on the op, she is quite rightly excited for her holiday !
But tbf on your partner, he sounds like my dh, doesn't get excited until the night before/morning of when everything else is done and he can actually start to relax and think about it.

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