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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

209 replies

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 13:59

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

OP posts:
Ablondiebutagoody · 15/12/2023 01:08

SpringingJoy · 15/12/2023 00:55

I can very much relate to your dh tbh.

Take Christmas for example. I'm off for ten days from Tuesday.

BUT before then I have Friday and Monday to get through. I have a caseload to clear that's as long as my arm and a 3 hour training session to finish plan and deliver on Monday. I feel faintly sick at the amount of stuff I have to cram into two days. I might have to put in some hours on the weekend (boo).

Come Wednesday evening though, I'll be dancing round with a gin in my hand. I just can't feel it YET. Pretty normal I think?

You should get to sleep then. Good luck!

SheSaidHummingbird · 15/12/2023 01:15

Are you 7?

AllHopeandRainbows · 15/12/2023 04:16

I’m gonna go against the grain here and say I can see where you’re coming from. No one like a fun sponge (apart from other fun sponges 🤣)

I like to bounce off my partners excitement too with stuff like this and it helps add to the anticipation etc

Hope he cheers the fudge up soon and you both have a lovely holiday.

Beachywave · 15/12/2023 06:10

I’d be like you and probably saying how excited I am about 100 times a day but I wouldn’t be upset if my DH wasn’t the same because I know he doesn’t get excited about things like I do.

DreamTheMoors · 15/12/2023 06:29

YeahIsaidit · 14/12/2023 14:16

You sound really annoying, I'll bet you're going into work saying "it's only X days until my holibobs!! 😃" every day and annoying your workmates too

@PopcornFanaticsounds a hell of lot more pleasant than you do, @YeahIsaidit.

Itsbeginingtolookalotlikexmas · 15/12/2023 06:30

I get excited before a holiday but I don’t really show it. I would be annoyed if I was questioned and made to be performative to appease someone else.

autienotnaughty · 15/12/2023 06:32

You are not reliant on his mood to be happy/excited. Be excited and leave him to feel how he feels. He is likely to relax once he's finished work.

CaraMiaMonCher · 15/12/2023 06:40

I’m sorry OP, but I’m like your DP in that I can’t feel excitement for something until the boring adult obstacles that need to be dealt with beforehand are done with, only then will I be able to throw myself into the excitement wholeheartedly!

Heronwatcher · 15/12/2023 06:49

He’s still in work mode. His mind is probably still whirring with the zillion things he has to do before he puts his out of office on. Leave him alone until he’s got his work/ sports thing out of the way.

If he’s worrying about work or otherwise being a miserable git when you get there, that’s another story!

ChocolateCakeOverspill · 15/12/2023 06:50

Your poor husband, he’s clearly stressed and you’re making it worse by adding ‘perform excitement about holiday in the acceptable way’ to his list of things to do.

This would really make me feel less excited and resentful of the holiday in his position.

Backfromhols · 15/12/2023 07:15

I can totally relate to this from the other side. My husband has a job that finishes on time every day & doesn’t think about work until he goes back the next day. He gets super excited about holidays long before me as I’m always working late and stressed about ensuring I’ve finished everything at work. I can’t start to get excited until the work is done and I start to unwind.

Londonnight · 15/12/2023 07:16

This would drive me mad! I hate it when people ask me if I am excited about something. it's just not me, I love doing things, I look forward to doing something, but I don't get "excited" about them.

OuiOuiMonAmiJeMappelleLafayette · 15/12/2023 07:22

It might just be his personality. I rarely feel excited about a holiday until I'm on the way to the airport!

SallyWD · 15/12/2023 07:27

Maybe he's like me. I can't get excited until I've finished everything I need to at work and home and I've actually left the house and am on my way to the airport! Until that moment I just feel quite stressed, thinking about all that needs to be done. Once we're in our way I get in holiday mood. Then I relax and get exited.
DH always jokes how stressed abd moody I am in the run up to a holiday.

Iwannerbeyourslave · 15/12/2023 07:29

I'm with you OP. Life can be dreary and I love getting excited about stuff.

TravelInHope · 15/12/2023 07:38

Leave him. You deserve so much better than this. Secure your finances first though.

SoupDragon · 15/12/2023 07:43

TravelInHope · 15/12/2023 07:38

Leave him. You deserve so much better than this. Secure your finances first though.

🙄

SamPoodle123 · 15/12/2023 07:44

I think he sounds stressed out and you keep asking if he is excited stresses him out. He also may have some fears or anxiety of travels he does not want to share. I hate flying, car rides....basically any travel transportation to get us to our holiday destination. I get anxiety and even feel sick sometimes from anxiety during. Anyway, it would drive me nuts if someone kept asking if I was excited....esp as I feel super anxious just before the trip. I love when I am at the destination...but the travel part sucks.

Floofydawg · 15/12/2023 07:56

My husband is like this as regards holidays but when he gets on the plane he relaxes

Where are you going?

soupdragon321 · 15/12/2023 08:02

Are you 5??? Jesus. I get that you’re excited. It’s an exciting thing. But he has work to get on with before you go away and that is what he is concentrating on before you go away. Work that he had to do so that he can pay for your exciting holiday TOGETHER! Give him a break! Do all you can to make life easier for him before you go, exercise all your enthusiasm in the prep so that he can just get on with his work and then really relax and enjoy the holiday with you both when he’s finished the work. This is a partnership!

BellaVita · 15/12/2023 08:03

I am excited when the cases go in the car and we set off. DH’s fun/excitedness begins when he gets on the plane and he can then totally switch off.

You are being very unreasonable.

Brefugee · 15/12/2023 08:04

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 14:04

It’s been booked for ages and it’s a HUGE deal for us as we’ve never had much money and and this is by far the biggest holiday we’ve ever had

is part of the reason you now have enough money because he has a responsible, stressful job that he needs to give a lot of attention to?

Sure, be excited, in your shoes i would be.

But stop pestering the poor guy or you will really put him off and you'll spend the holiday pulling cat's bum face asking him why he's annoyed.

bonzaitree · 15/12/2023 08:07

OP in the kindest possible way he isn’t you. He has his own thoughts, feelings and emotions that are completely separate from you.

He is probably stressed about getting his work done before you go and that’s completely fine and understandable.

Octowussy · 15/12/2023 08:11

OP is so excited she forgot to come back

Hernameisdeborah · 15/12/2023 08:11

Ah chill OP, he'll be excited when he's ready to be. Not everyone has to be thinking and feeling the same things at the same time as you but he'll soon be in the holiday mood and you'll both have a great time.

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