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Original poster

To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

209 replies

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 13:59

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

OP posts:
ToniTTtopaz · 14/12/2023 15:14

Its disheartening when you're excited and someone else isn't but don't take it personal.

I'm sure once work is done and your at the airport he will be just as excited as you are.

Chill out for now & have a lovely time!

girlyjim · 14/12/2023 15:14

I think some people just are different before a holiday. I'm like you and get excited in the week leading up to it and when I'm packing etc but my husband is like your DP and he's not excited til we're on our way. No right or wrong way, just different. You can't expect him to be just like you. Especially when he's still got work things to sort so he can't even switch off yet.

GroundhogSchoolrun · 14/12/2023 15:15

I’m sorry but there is nothing more annoying than someone constantly asking if you’re excited about something.
holiday wise I don’t get excited until I’m sat on the plane and it’s about to take off, before that there is still so much faff

StoodySmithereens · 14/12/2023 15:17

I’m excited for you 😎 Ignore the green eyed monsters on here today. I always book last minute as I can’t contain myself, & I seem to get a better deal. My H never gets excited until he’s actually arrived. But for me, it’s the prep of the trip, booking, packing, buying new stuff, getting to the airport, flying, then the actual holiday.

HMW1906 · 14/12/2023 15:17

Honestly I’d hate it if my DH was asking if I was excited all the time on the run up to a holiday. So bloody annoying!

TakeTheBiscuits · 14/12/2023 15:17

it sounds like he is really stressed and compartmentalising things to make them manageable. I do this all the time. You are perfectly entitled to feel excited but he is also perfectly entitled to not be until he has his other things completed.

Olika · 14/12/2023 15:17

I think you need to tone it down.

TeenLifeMum · 14/12/2023 15:18

I get it because I’m usually like you and really excited. This summer we went to Orlando and honestly, work was so full on I didn’t get excited until we were in the car on the way to the airport and even then I didn’t fully relax into the excitement until we reached the hotel. Let him be excited in a way that works for him.

GalileoHumpkins · 14/12/2023 15:20

The word excited has lost all meaning.

Namerequired · 14/12/2023 15:21

You are in holiday mode and he’s not yet because he has things hanging for him. I’m a bit like your dp, one thing at a time. It wouldn’t mean I wasn’t excited (though someone asking me a lot would definitely make me less so). He will get excited when he’s ready for it, stop overwhelming him.

SophieinParis · 14/12/2023 15:21

You also sound quite co-dependent. You are different people.
My DH probably hasn’t felt excited about anything in his life, bar major sporting events. Doesn’t stop me dreaming and planning and feeling excited about all
our trips. And he’s enthusiastic once there! Some people live more in the moment and haven’t got the emotional
energy to get all excited about something before it happens.

Kdtym10 · 14/12/2023 15:25

Jesus this would annoy the fuck out of me. He’s got loads to do, he’s not even thinking about it. Try living a bit more in the present.

mind you I have ADHD conceptualising time and anything but the immediate future is very hard. So I don’t tend to get excited about anything further away than tomorrow, it just doesn’t exist in my brain

WhamBamThankU · 14/12/2023 15:25

He clearly can't get into holiday mode till after his important events. Which you know about. So why do you keep asking? Xmas Confused

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2023 15:27

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 14:04

It’s been booked for ages and it’s a HUGE deal for us as we’ve never had much money and and this is by far the biggest holiday we’ve ever had

So let him react to it how he reacts

Carry on like this and you'll ruin it before you get there

PanicAtTheLibrary · 14/12/2023 15:27

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 14:04

It’s been booked for ages and it’s a HUGE deal for us as we’ve never had much money and and this is by far the biggest holiday we’ve ever had

It sounds like a real treat and much needed. I'd say beware of building it up so much in your mind, though! You're setting yourself up for disappointment when you have such high expectations of perfection that might not be met.

ItsNotOkItsNotTheEnd · 14/12/2023 15:27

I would find it really annoying if my partner kept asking me if I was excited too. Him not being excited isn't about you it's about the fact he has 2 other important things to deal with before he can think about the holiday. Him not being excited yet is not a big deal so don't make it one

WestwardHo1 · 14/12/2023 15:31

I get that you're excited and want him to be too.

But it sounds as though he isn't at the moment and he can't manufacture excitement, especially if he's busy.

In this instance I think you should back off! My DP is similar - just does not do excitement and gets annoyed when it's demanded of him.

Pallisers · 14/12/2023 15:32

you are two different people living two different lives - even if you are partners. You get excited and express it in a particular way. He doesn't.

I'd find you a bit irritating if you were saying "I'm so excited. are you excited?" every day. But I'd probably not say anything - just smile. But if you then called me out on not sharing your excitement I would be annoyed with you. He called it right when he said "He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do." I know you said you didn't mean to but that is how you make him feel and he is not unreasonable. I think you need to chill, enjoy your own anticipation, have a great holiday.

I suspect you are a highly extraverted thinker, OP. I have a friend like this. Everything she is experiencing is vocalised as a way of working it through. It took me a while to not react to everything she says. I love her but god I couldn't live with her.

silverheartstogether · 14/12/2023 15:35

Mercedes45 · 14/12/2023 14:15

When reading your post, all I imagined was a floppy eared springer spaniel bouncing off the walls.

😂 same

SoupDragon · 14/12/2023 15:35

I can't get excited about a holiday until we are at the airport and everything is done. The stress is just too much until then.

Leave him alone - he's stressed and busy at work and can't think about the holiday yet.

as an aside, I'm cold and jealous!

When reading your post, all I imagined was a floppy eared springer spaniel bouncing off the walls.

Yes! My cocker spaniel found everyone and everything SO EXCITING!

LusaBatoosa · 14/12/2023 15:39

I’m sure you’re lovely, but just reading the OP has annoyed me. There’s only so many times a person can see the word ‘excited’ before their mind snaps.

Please leave the poor man alone.

EdgarsTale · 14/12/2023 15:42

You sound really irritating. Poor man. I hope you give him some peace on the holiday.

ActDottie · 14/12/2023 15:44

You are being really unfair on him. He’s stressed and still has a few things to get over the line before the holiday. He probably isn’t thinking too much about it yet but once he can draw a line under all the things causing him stress I’m sure he’ll be excited for the holiday and really enjoy it.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 14/12/2023 15:45

I'm like this, I can't get excited about trips until I'm actually on the flight.

Also consider, OP that not everyone expresses their emotions the same way you do, and that's ok. Just chill tf out.

theresnolimits · 14/12/2023 15:46

Please don’t keep asking him when you’re there’Are you enjoying it?’

I’m in the ‘can’t enjoy it until I’m on the plane taking off’. No delays, no lost passports, etc etc. My DH falls asleep instantly when we take off as a relief mechanism.

You’ll have a fantastic time. I”d just advise being in the moment more.

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