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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

209 replies

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 13:59

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

OP posts:
Verv · 14/12/2023 15:47

Sorry, team DP here.
If im busy and stressed then I havent got time to think about anything beyond the next hour.
That and I dont actually get excited like a springer spaniel over anything. Doesnt mean im not looking forward to it somewhere in my subconscious and I'll be pleased on the day but being pestered about it before that day arrives would get right on my nerves, particularly if I was working.

NotQuiteHere · 14/12/2023 15:47

The holiday has been booked for ages but you have said a few times that you have been excited about it all week. Why only a week? Why didn't you think about it last week or months before?

rorret · 14/12/2023 15:49

You would annoy me, sorry op.

Crikeyalmighty · 14/12/2023 15:50

Unfortunately I think exactly like your DP. I have a very lively friend who is quite excitable and it can be quite knackering

piscesangel · 14/12/2023 15:51

Sorry but I don't think I would have a lot of patience for this from another adult - I imagine you're taking the shine off the whole thing for your DP by making him perform his excitement

gano · 14/12/2023 15:51

You sound very irritating. That would drive me nuts.

ManateeFair · 14/12/2023 15:57

Christ, you're like bloody Tigger. Calm down. You are being massively unfair (and weirdly needy and anxious).

Not everyone wants to work themselves up into a frenzy of excitement before a big event. Sometimes people just like to focus on one thing at a time. Right now, he has a lot of other things on his plate that he needs to focus on and he doesn't have the headspace to devote to getting over-excited about the holiday. That doesn't mean he isn't looking forward to it and it doesn't mean he won't enjoy it.

He is 100% right that just because you show your excitement by bouncing around like a toddler high on candy floss and asking 'Are you excited?' every five minutes, he is in no way obliged to act in the same way. You're basically like a child who grabs your sleeve and says 'Mummy is it Christmas yet?' ten times a day throughout the whole of December. That sort of thing very soon becomes annoying and can also completely suck the joy out of the thing you're meant to be looking forward to.

So yes, YABU and no, this doesn't mean he's going off you, but you do need to be less needy and attention-hungry. Read the room.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 14/12/2023 15:57

Are you very young?

How long have you been together that you're worried about him going off you because he's not excited enough about a holiday? Confused

I travel a lot and feel zero enthusiasm until I arrive at my destination. The actual travel bit and packing is just another layer of tiredness and stress.

Diggerdriverless · 14/12/2023 16:04

You sound like a child with your "Are you excited yet?" Ask a couple of friends/sister/mum if they're just a little bit fed up of you going on about your holiday. Even your OP repeats how excited you are. It's funny and endearing but I imagine could be wearing irl. Have a great holiday (but try to calm down a bit).

Strawberryjams · 14/12/2023 16:07

Mercedes45 · 14/12/2023 14:15

When reading your post, all I imagined was a floppy eared springer spaniel bouncing off the walls.

This ^^ and paired with ur name u just seem overly excitable. Maybe a bit much when he still had important work things to deal with.

RenegadeMrs · 14/12/2023 16:10

When I have a lot on my plate, I can literally only manage if I'm dealing with what needs to happen next to get through everything. Let your husband wrap up everything else he's got going on before asking him to focus on the holiday.

Glad you are exited, but definitly feel you need to give him a bit of breathing room. And no, I don't think that means he's going off you. He's just got a lot on.

jolies1 · 14/12/2023 16:12

OP, kindly,

DH has clearly had a stressful, busy week with lots of “early starts”. He’s knackered and has a lot going on.

I bet the minute he turns off his work phone and has a drink at the airport or you arrive at your lovely resort his tense shoulders will drop and he will get that holiday feeling.

His work stress doesn’t mean you won’t have a lovely trip and doesn’t mean he is going off you. Calm down and get excited in your own way.

Pigeon31 · 14/12/2023 16:14

Sorry OP, but you are being unfair here and just making more emotional labour for DP. He doesn't have to start feeling excited until he is on the plane if he doesn't want to. It doesn't mean you won't both have a lovely holiday!

Bahhambug · 14/12/2023 16:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CauliflowerBalti · 14/12/2023 16:25

I am never, ever excited the week before I go on holiday. It's too stressful. Delivering against all your work commitments in order to sign off, is hell. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy my holidays. Just that I don't think about them, at all, until I'm there. And I'm the one in our household who plans them. Still nope.

It's not like you're wrong for being excited. I'm pleased for you, it's lovely. But - crucially - his attitude is not unusual either. Leave him be to get through the next week.

jencool · 14/12/2023 16:26

I find it impossible to be excited until I'm on the plane and it's taken off.

EzraJones · 14/12/2023 16:27

Sorry OP, but you behaviour is very annoying to introverts!

LifeExperience · 14/12/2023 16:29

I don't get excited about a holiday until I get to the destination. Until then, planning, sorting work responsibilities, packing, sorting care for animals, etc., the list is endless. Holidays are fun, usually, but getting there is not.

ThisIsntThe80sPat · 14/12/2023 16:30

Your behaviour is ridiculous, op🙈 it's nice you're excited, and rightly so, but it's difficult to get excited about something until your other focal points are out the way.
If you are acting as disappointed about his lack of excitement as you sound here, it's no wonder he's annoyed/ irritated at you.

Snowdogsmitten · 14/12/2023 16:42

Anyone else got semantic satiation from reading the word ‘excited’ so many times? Three times in one sentence! 😂

phoenixrosehere · 14/12/2023 16:42

Yabu, OP.

You want him to react like you when that’s not how he is and that’s unfair to him and as some have said is adding more stress to him. You can’t control how someone reacts, only how you react to their reactions. Leave him be until he has the things he needs to sorted.

Like others, I’m not excited or relaxed until I’ve reached my accommodations on holiday if it’s a new place and DH knows this about me despite asking, but he only asks once and that’s on the way to the airport.

tolerable · 14/12/2023 16:47

always remember hes NOT you
it keeps things easier.AS it goes, i was a wee bit buzzing just readin your post.It is exiting! Hope you have a fabulous time x

CoolShoeshine · 14/12/2023 17:03

i absolutely don’t blame you for being excited op, I certainly would be!
But my dh is exactly the same, he doesn’t want to keep discussing it beforehand. He does tend to get a bit giddy on the plane though 😀

Gymnopedie · 14/12/2023 17:04

DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

And you don't think that might explain a lot of this? You're feeling refreshed, he still has a lot to get through before you go.

What are you going to be like when you're actually there? Are you going to keep asking him every five minutes if he's enjoying himself, doesn't he think this is absolutely wonderful? Will you keep saying how amazing it is and then decide he's gone off you if he doesn't spend five minutes gushing about it?

And then when you get back keep up more of the same?

Let him be. He's explained himself so many times he might by now be going off you, but not because he's not excited about the holiday, rather that you won't leave him alone or respect that he has other things to think about first.

RedRedScab · 14/12/2023 17:09

Let me guess: as well as driving your DP insane, you're also doing the same to your fb friends - 'Three days to go!!!' (all of whom I'm sure are REALLY looking forward to a running commentary about your amazing holiday while they slave away at work)?

Sorry OP. I hope you and your DP have a lovely time, once he's finished work and had time to relax a bit!