Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

209 replies

PopcornFanatic · 14/12/2023 13:59

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

OP posts:
JadeSeahorse · 14/12/2023 17:16

Don’t know if this will help, OP, but DH and I travel on long haul holidays at least twice per year and, as much as I look forward to them, the week prior to flying I always hit what I refer to as my “Can’t be arsed” phase.

There is always so much to do during the last few days before leaving that it starts to feel too much like hard work but once I reach Departures at the airport I feel totally different.

I suspect your DP may be feeling this way too but absolutely nothing to worry about.

Really hope you have a great holiday!

grumpycow1 · 14/12/2023 17:22

You feel excited. He needs to get his work stuff done and then he can relax. You are both allowed to feel how you feel. You constantly asking him if he’s excited must be super annoying! Chill out.

hsapposhit · 14/12/2023 17:22

OP, you did my head in with your first post. I can't imagine what it's like living with that. You seriously need to dial it back a bit.
There's being excited and there's being completely ridiculous and over the top. Get it under control for goodness sake. You're not a 5 year old waiting for Christmas.
If he's anything like me, he probably finds the run up to a holiday stressful. There's a lot of work to be finished off. Packing. Getting the house ready. Petsitters. Whatever.
I start to feel a bit excited once I'm at the airport, but up to that point there's too much going on.
If someone was constantly asking me if I was excited and saying they were so excited and then complaining because I wasn't excited enough I'd be royally pissed off.

Calm down OP if you don't want this to be the last holiday with this bloke.

Mischance · 14/12/2023 17:24

Give the poor geezer a break! Enjoy your own excitement. Why should he be exactly the same as you? - he is a separate person.

piddocktrumperiness · 14/12/2023 17:33

I think what you're excited about is the quality time maybe? And you wanting him to be excited is asking him in some way is he excited to spend time with you, and have quality time with you, and you're worried that because he has not expressed this explicitly, you think it means he does not want to or is not as excited to spend time with you as you had hoped, and therefore you are taking this personally. You are not being unreasonable, but men cannot, for the most part handle emotions well and are often rubbish and compartmentalising. He may well be excited once he stops spinning so many plates.

Tbf, he could have said yes of course he can't wait but he needs to sort this work stuff out, but his response was a bit wet blankety.

How long have you been with him?

WombatChocolate · 14/12/2023 17:44

OP, how long have you been together?

What do you think it’s like for peo0le who have been married for 20,30, 40 plus years? Their partner is t always excited and isn’t always passionately interested in them. It’s life. It doesn’t mean they aren’t continent and happy, but wild enthusiasm for your partner isn’t a long lasting thing into the decades, whereas a deep love and respect and common bonds can be and hold people together.

Perhaos you and he are different….and that’s fine. You get excited abiut things like this. He doesn’t have to. Or as he says, he will be excited when it’s time but currently has a lot to think about. You are fine to be you and him to himself too. He doesn’t have to be the same as you and if he isn’t it doesn’t mean he’s going off you. You clearly don’t feel 100% secure in the relationship. Maybe you need more time for that…I don’t know, but this is thesis’s bit his level of excitement about a holiday.

Hope you have an amazing time.

tescocreditcard · 14/12/2023 17:48

You asked him if he was excited. He said "yes I'm excited".

Now stop asking. Because being asked the same question over and over again is annoying.

What other conversational subjects have you discussed with him this week?

cantbecaught · 14/12/2023 17:48

I am quite an excitable person OP. I have learnt to just enjoy being excited for myself and not share it particularly. This way I won't annoy anyone and they don't put a dampener on my feelings. You stay excited, but keep it to yourself and enjoy smiling and thinking about it.

Pickingmyselfup · 14/12/2023 17:50

I can't do long term excitement so I'm siding with him and not you. We've just booked a holiday for next year and right now I'm very excited but it's impossible to keep it up especially when life stress gets in the way. If someone kept asking me if I was excited and being excited themselves I would want to shut them in cupboard and pretend they weren't there.

Middleagedmeangirls · 14/12/2023 17:51

We've just back from a cruise. We had a brilliant time, even my holiday averse husband enjoyed himself.
I genuinely didn't get excited until we parked the car and I saw the ship. There was too much else going on (good and bad) to even think about the trip. It didn't spoil the holiday though, in fact it might have improved it as I arrived without any expectations.

BardRelic · 14/12/2023 17:56

OP you sound quite young. As someone who is (probably) considerably older, I would say I've found over many years that it's best just to leave people alone in these situations. You can't police his emotions or make him excited by nagging him to be excited. You'll just produce the opposite effect.

You also sound quite insecure and unfortunately, if you're continually asking for reassurance from him, it might push him away. I'd work on that - ask yourself if you have any real evidence if he's going off you, or if it's just that you are insecure, so you're more likely to think that.

easylikeasundaymorn · 14/12/2023 18:05

Sorry to be mean but I thought exactly the same as a previous poster- just your post annoyed me so I can't imagine how irritating it must be to be your husband!

You sound really needy -just because you're married doesn't mean you get to police his emotions! If he had had a bereavement would you be jumping at him going "are you sad? I'm so sad, why aren't you crying?" every five minutes?

Some people (I'm one of them!) just either don't experience particularly strong emotions or don't show them. You might find that boring or depressing but I would find someone who is very reactive annoying and hard work! There's nothing wrong with either way, the only issue is expecting someone else to act/react the exact same way as you do when they are a completely different person!

LondonJax · 14/12/2023 18:11

I'm a bit like your DH with holidays. I have a full time job and a craft business so, at this time of year, I am rushing home from work to get on with orders from my business. If I were going on holiday at the weekend, the last place my mind would be is the holiday. And having someone ask me if I'm excited when I had already said I was but didn't go bouncing off the walls with excitement would really irritate me tbh. If I say I'm excited and looking forward to it, then that's what I am. The fact that I don't have the mental capacity to start shouting yippee every five minutes doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to it.

At the same time, if I had a DH who did bounce around with excitement it'd just bring a smile to my face...as long as he backed away from constantly asking me if I was excited....

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/12/2023 18:11

"I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement."

That would honestly fuck me right off. It would also make me start to dread the holiday.

YABVVVU

moomoomoo27 · 14/12/2023 18:35

I can't start to think about a holiday until I've done everything I need to do before that point. I also have to do everything I would have done in that time before I go, so yes that would irritate me a lot.

Maybe if you're feeling refreshed and had an easier week you could help out and take something off his plate instead of bouncing around like Tigger.

Lovemusic82 · 14/12/2023 18:35

I would be super excited to OP but I think it’s pretty normal for men not to get excited about these things until a day or so before? This is why many men don’t do their Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve or don’t pack their suitcase until the night before going on holiday. I think we tend to get more excited and plan ahead, I would have my case packed weeks before and a lift of things to remember to do, I would probably be online planning excursions and places to eat.

daisychain01 · 14/12/2023 18:38

Mercedes45 · 14/12/2023 14:15

When reading your post, all I imagined was a floppy eared springer spaniel bouncing off the walls.

Or Tigger

OP just have a lovely holiday and your DP will probably get in the holiday mood when you're on the way to the airport.

There are a lot worse behaviours that Tigger-levels of excitement over your holiday Grin. Hopefully he'll look back and laugh.

DinaofCloud9 · 14/12/2023 18:47

I think I need to know how you feel before I judge him.

Like are you looking forward to your holiday as its hard to tell 😂

Montegufoni2017 · 15/12/2023 00:09

How have you even managed to turn this into him going off you? They don’t even correlate…

MeinKraft · 15/12/2023 00:19

Does it matter if he's excited? Just enjoy your own feelings of excitement and let him feel whatever he's feeling.

Gymnopedie · 15/12/2023 00:20

I suspect the OP won't be back. This hasn't gone the way she thought it would.

Theresit · 15/12/2023 00:30

Chill!
Your DH is in a stressful job and needs to get things done before he goes away.
For me the relaxation can only start once I’m on the plane. AND it takes me a day or two to unwind after that.
If I had someone bouncing around like an excited puppy that whole time I would struggle.
You’ll have a great time I’m sure. Just relax and enjoy, and don’t keep asking him !

Crikeyalmighty · 15/12/2023 00:55

@User3456 I've had Covid twice- both times almost certainly caught on flights as came on - 2-3 days post flight

SpringingJoy · 15/12/2023 00:55

I can very much relate to your dh tbh.

Take Christmas for example. I'm off for ten days from Tuesday.

BUT before then I have Friday and Monday to get through. I have a caseload to clear that's as long as my arm and a 3 hour training session to finish plan and deliver on Monday. I feel faintly sick at the amount of stuff I have to cram into two days. I might have to put in some hours on the weekend (boo).

Come Wednesday evening though, I'll be dancing round with a gin in my hand. I just can't feel it YET. Pretty normal I think?

Swipe left for the next trending thread