To feel my DP just isn’t excited anymore?

[PopcornFanatic]

We’re going on a sunny holiday to the Caribbean this weekend. It’s going to be a holiday of pure relaxation and I am SO excited. DP has had a lot on his plate so he definitely needs it, he’s had a really busy week with lots of early starts too. I’ve had a fairly normal time and so I’m feeling refreshed at the moment.

I’ve been soooo excited all week. It’s a completely new and amazing place we’re going to! We never go long haul.

I’ve been so excited all week. When I’m excited I tend to ask “are you excited?!” Not in an actual inquisitive way but just as a way to share excitement.
I feel like I’ve taken charge with booking things and planning everything.

When I brought this up and said he didn’t seem overly excited, he said he found it kind of annoying that I kept asking if he was excited. He said it makes him feel like he has to act exactly as I do. I said I didn’t mean to.

He explained that he is excited, but he still has 2 really important things to deal with (1 work related and 1 sporting event) in the next few days before we jet off. So he will feel excited after that. I said I just want to know that he’s excited and thinking about the holiday.

He then said “why do I have to be thinking about it?”

This made me feel shit because I’ve been so excited for a holiday with him and been thinking about it all week.

Am I being unfair or should I worry that he’s going off me?

😂

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all but you need to consider whether or not you have chosen to build a life with a man who doesn’t plan and organise things.

If he is happy to be a passenger and you plan and organise everything fun and romantic and date-like, then you really shouldn’t be surprised by his reactions and you need to just put it one side.

i know the response you are looking for- a demonstration of excitement at spending sundrenched, sexy, boozy beach time with you his ultimate lady love, but long term relationships with ‘passengers’ never result in this.

you need a driver. And that’s ok, and not ‘high maintenance’ or anything terrible.

i have been in the exact same situation to describe- but i moved on and married a driver type.

You're being unreasonable and quite annoying to him. Calm down.

My bf does this. And after the holiday he keeps asking if I had a good time. Usually I am excites and I had a great time. I'm not particularly expressive and putting the pressure on by constantly asking is quite annoying.

I'm sure he is excited but getting everything sorted before holiday is stressful. Just leave him be and I'm sure he will be excited once you get on the plane!

It made me think of this

www.indy100.com/viral/robert-smith-hall-of-fame

and also reality 'stars' who keep saying, 'Are you excited?' 'I'm sooooo excited'. I always think they're not very bright and have limited conversation'. Asking once, maybe twice is more than enough. I had a 'big' holiday this year and in the immediate run up to it I was juggling so many work things which needed to be done before I went away I just didn't have the head space to 'be excited'.

I remember my mum years ago being annoyed because I wasn’t showing enough interest in something she had planned in the summer. I was in the middle of my A levels, I had another 3 papers to sit, I was stressed and I just needed to focus on them.

Leave the man alone to get everything sorted this week and I’m sure he’ll then be ‘excited’. Have you never had something really important going on and you can’t really look further ahead until it’s over?

Channel your energy into packing and buying last minutes things you need until he’s done and can be in holiday mode.

I'm a bloke and it would, and does, piss me off. My Wife is organising excursions etc for the holiday a year in advance, and I hear so much about it, by the time the holiday comes around I feel as though I've already been.
It would absolutely drive me nuts to keep being asked, "... are you excited?"

My beloved family member does this and it's exhausting. Once an event is booked, even if it's months in advance, it's mentioned on every phone call and visit from then until the date. I tend to have a million things to do in between and it takes any excitement away. Afterwards there's usually a verbal checklist too. "Did you love it?" "Would you go again" etc. etc.

It’s an odd one. Reading your Op, your excitement made me smile. I love seeing other people happy. I find it infectious in small doses.

If I lived with someone who was as excitable as you it would drive me insane. I can concentrate on work and be super excited and then have some keep trying to whip me into excitement over and over. I would find it hard exhausting. Some saying ‘are you excited?’ Over and over would make me feel like I was having to perform excitement, over and over and that would be exhausting. I’d you tune told me you wanted me to act like you and me being me made you feel deflated I would just feel like I couldn’t win.

Sounds like he’s got a lot of things to get through before the holiday whilst you’re bouncing around like a puppy that’s been given sugar and you think he’s being unfair? Poor guy.

Yes, you are being unreasonable: I understand your excitement having spent Christmas in the Caribbean. However, he’s going to be in work mode until his OOO has been set (or whatever). He’ll show his excitement then so leave him alone. Have a great holiday

You sound very young OP. He has very clearly explained what going on, and you still can't accept that not everyone constantly thinks about upcoming holidays and 'gets excited'. There's nothing wrong with either of your responses to the upcoming holiday. Let him be.

When you get there, it may be a few days before he decompresses, so don't do the 'bouncy dog', "are you excited?, are you excited? ad nauseum"

Out of interest, do you work and are you paying for this jointly?

You sound utterly insufferable with the "are you excited" nonsense.
I get it's your quirk, but it's annoying and the poor bloke just wants some reprieve from it.
Stop it!

I think if I was him I'd be looking to see if I could be allocated a plane seat well away from yours.

I think I’d genuinely reconsider going with you if I was him.

Of course he is looking forward to it but he needs to focus on the important things first.

I am very excited for Xmas but I need to focus on sorting things out at work and then next Friday I can switch off from work mode and get properly excited.

You sound very annoying and you’re making him less excited.

What do you work as?

Rocknrolla21 · Today 14:21

Dear lord you sound tedious op. I agree with pp that the last week before the holiday is the most stressful. We’ve not been on holiday for 4 years. My 7yo has just been given the all clear for lymphoma. We NEED this holiday. We’re leaving early hours Sunday morning for a 3 day trip to Lapland. We haven’t told the kids yet. We’ve saved for this holiday for a little over 2 years. I’ve already finished work and oh last day is today and we’re stressed AF!! I know I’m going to have huge anxiety that will only start to ease once we’re packed and the dogs have been safely dropped off at kennels Saturday morning. I’m not going to 100% relax and even start to feel the excitement until we’re all sat on that plane. For the love of god op, leave the poor man alone and stop sucking the little bit of joy away that he’s actually been able to muster over your weird nagging

That is such good news for you !

I hope you all enjoy it. When are you telling the children ?

I’m sure he’ll be excited when he’s wrapped up his work stuff, packed his bags and can finally relax with a pint in the airport lounge. Until then, give the poor man a break, the run up to taking annual leave is always so exhausting IME!

It's fine to be excited about this, I would be. Though I'd phrase it as looking forward to it.

He's fine to have the focus of closing off his work first. I can't think about things when I've got a huge to do list. ESP before leave. I tend to get so hyper focused on prepping for my absence that I don't want to leave it with someone else! / worry about someone screwing it up.

What kind of work does he do?

YABU to be annoyed with him. It sounds like you are very sensitive to his rejection of your excitement. Just notice that and tone it down

You sound about 10. Personally, I can only relax and feel excited about going away when I am sitting down on the train or plane that is taking me there. There is all the tying up of loose ends at work, the packing, making sure I leave the house tidy to come back to, arranging for someone to water the garden in the Summer, the packing and so on. I work my way through a list, get stuff done and then allow the excitement to take over as the plane takes off

YABVU and also sound incredibly annoying. it sounds like how you'd talk to a small child. I don't think I've been 'excited' about anything since I was child. Give him a break

Just reading the word excited so many times was exhausting. It would easily make me disinterested hearing someone repeat it over and over. I love a good holiday and feel the buzz, but DP doesn’t let go until we’ve got there. That’s his way and that’s fine, it doesn’t make me feel upset he’s not as enthusiastic. Relax a little OP