Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
Wimin123 · 14/12/2023 22:03

I know, some very unpleasant and unhappy people on here

Goodlard · 14/12/2023 22:04

Wimin123 · 14/12/2023 22:03

I know, some very unpleasant and unhappy people on here

????

Goodlard · 14/12/2023 22:04

Wimin123 · 14/12/2023 22:03

I know, some very unpleasant and unhappy people on here

Personally?

Missedvocation · 14/12/2023 22:06

Stop controlling your husband. If the shoe were on the other foot it would be considered domestic abuse. Have you given any thought as to whether you are emotionally abusing your husband? If you constantly tried to sort my life, I’d certainly leave you.

Hmm1234 · 14/12/2023 22:19

Maybe he could go abroad and take a real
holiday

Polis · 14/12/2023 22:21

Get him a PS5

I bought my husband a PlayStation. It is still in its box years later. He has shown absolutely no interest in it at all.

Friedgreentomatoes1981 · 14/12/2023 22:29

I'd probably try and have some time off at the same time if it was me, and watch some films together, go for lazy dog walks ending up at the pub for a beer or a cafe for a hot chocolate. Go on some dates, have daytime sex. Just enjoy the time together and remember why you fell in love with this person. You might have the loveliest 3 weeks.

Copperoliverbear · 14/12/2023 22:34

Decorate the whole house x

Isinglass20 · 14/12/2023 22:54

Just let the fellow rest and recuperate as his boss has instructed. It would seem he is burnt out.
If he wants to chill in front of the tele then let him. When he rested suggest to him joining a gym or go swimming or go together to see a film and a meal out afterwards.
He needs to think about looking after his own health and OP needs to help.

Snowflakeslayer · 14/12/2023 23:32

Sounds like you have a very good, close relationship…..

This site is full of awful marriages/relationships?), what is wrong with you all???
Genuine question by the way!!

Lavender14 · 14/12/2023 23:36

Missedvocation · 14/12/2023 22:06

Stop controlling your husband. If the shoe were on the other foot it would be considered domestic abuse. Have you given any thought as to whether you are emotionally abusing your husband? If you constantly tried to sort my life, I’d certainly leave you.

Just wanted to point out for all those jumping to criticise op without any context whatsoever since she's not really been welcomed to give more info... what's to say that op isn't dreading her dh being off and in her space because HE is difficult or abusive towards her in some way? What if she's dreading him being off because it makes her nervous and when he's at work she gets space?

Maybe ask a few questions before attacking someone on a tiny snippet of their life. Responses on this thread have been awful. No wonder she responded the way she did.

AGoingConcern · 14/12/2023 23:59

Just wanted to point out for all those jumping to criticise op without any context whatsoever since she's not really been welcomed to give more info...

OP has repeatedly been asked politely for more info in this thread - including asking if they were dreading it because DH is abusive. They either flounced immediately have just decided they weren't interested in cluing anyone in.

LickleLamb · 15/12/2023 08:16

Posters were unpleasant, mocking, sneery from the start - Ooooo -it’s a mystery why she never came back🙄

Toomuchtrouble4me · 15/12/2023 09:23

Surely with this amount of people telling you the same thing, it’s not snarky, it’s something to reflect on and consider?

T1Dmama · 15/12/2023 09:39

Wow
i think page one is the earliest I’ve ever seen someone quit on their own post.

I don’t understand how his company can insist he takes 3 weeks off at a time not convenient to him? He’s earnt his holidays and should be able to
use them at times that suit him!

unless their holidays/financial year runs January - December??
if not I think I’d be telling them 3 weeks is
too long and I need to save 2 weeks for the January - April period (if like I say their year doesn't run jan-Dec…

If it’s a case of using it or loosing it, it doesn’t help now but hopefully he’ll learn from this and spread his holidays out better in the next financial year..

As for this year though, goodness it’s hard, 3 weeks is a long time to be off… Do you work? Maybe you could do a long weekend or 2 away, or some nice little mid week breaks in the middle of beyond where you can both unwind and walk the dogs.

sadly we don’t know your situation (do you work, have kids etc) so it’s very hard to advice. We don’t know if you own or rent, so whether you could both do some of those jobs you’ve been putting off.

it’s very hard for strangers to make suggestions for a man who doesn’t even know how to fill his own time to be fair (and that isn’t meant bitchy)… but how would you respond to a post like yours?? For a couple you don’t know anything about except that he’s a man with no hobbies or interests?….. other than could you hire a motorhome and go touring… but that’s presuming you have the time off too and have plenty of money.

pollymere · 15/12/2023 10:13

Mine has always had jobs where they close down over Christmas. It's really odd but actually the time just disappears. Apart from encouraging some clothes shopping, a lot of the time is spent recharging. Hopefully it won't be too annoying for you.

Ellamaelucyolivia · 15/12/2023 10:19

I don't understand why you would be annoyed at having your husband around. You must have enjoyed his company when you married him. I'd be gutted if dh was saying 'oh crap, ellamae is around for three weeks. She's going to annoyed me'.

DriftingDora · 15/12/2023 11:45

LickleLamb · 15/12/2023 08:16

Posters were unpleasant, mocking, sneery from the start - Ooooo -it’s a mystery why she never came back🙄

Don't be so ridiculous. There was no background detail given, and it's a reasonable question to ask why the heck OP was asking for suggestions for a husband who doesn't seem to be interested in anything! What chance is there of someone who seemingly has no interest in life taking up ANY suggestions given at second hand? It's sensible to say he should get off his own rear end and find something he wants to do, and she shouldn't encourage his apathetic attitude, which it sounds like she has.

DriftingDora · 15/12/2023 11:48

Wimin123 · 14/12/2023 22:03

I know, some very unpleasant and unhappy people on here

So how can you make some changes?

Deeg1981 · 15/12/2023 15:11

Get a puppy for 3 weeks off work? Not the best idea really

PonyPatter44 · 15/12/2023 18:13

If I was being kind, which let's face it isn't very often, I'd suggest the OP made her first post while in drink, then when she sobered up a bit realised that the old man wasn't all that bad and is now too embarrassed to come back.

That, or she's already buried him under the patio and has fled to Marbella with her gigolo.

AGoingConcern · 15/12/2023 18:28

I don’t understand how his company can insist he takes 3 weeks off at a time not convenient to him? He’s earnt his holidays and should be able to
use them at times that suit him!

Requiring employees to take a certain amount of time off every year is part of best practices for businesses for a variety of reasons, and there's no reason not to use a calendar-year cutoff for this policy. If that's the case here then not splitting them up and taking some earlier was a choice DH made.

There are also other perfectly allowable reasons for requiring PTO to be taken at a set time, including a company/division-wide shut down where everyone has to take 3 weeks off at the same time, or time off being forced for DH specifically because of employer concerns about health or behavior. OP hasn't provided any background info so we have no idea how this came about.

PyongyangKipperbang · 16/12/2023 01:40

Enforced PTO is something that has happenend this Xmas for DP's work place. Its either that or layoffs. It really is that simple. And as I said above, it isnt the shopfloor that are doing this, its everyone up to and including directors.

The workforce are revolting (haha) about it, but the simple fact is that either everyone takes the forced PTO or some people lose their jobs, which is better?!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread