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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
herewegoroundthebastardbush · 13/12/2023 06:46

lightand · 13/12/2023 06:24

Crumbs.

Some of the comments on here!

Op, another time, post in chat. Or another forum.
AIBU used to have a bit of a reputation. Now it is positively vile.

There are some useful suggestions in amongst the awfulness.

I know what you mean op about the "problem".
My DH can go almost stir crazy, or even worse, drift towards mischief, if not properly occupied.

Jeepers. Is your husband a toddler? Why on earth can't he occupy himself? And what on earth "mischief" does an adult man get up to? Strippers?

Behindyouiam · 13/12/2023 06:55

lightand · 13/12/2023 06:24

Crumbs.

Some of the comments on here!

Op, another time, post in chat. Or another forum.
AIBU used to have a bit of a reputation. Now it is positively vile.

There are some useful suggestions in amongst the awfulness.

I know what you mean op about the "problem".
My DH can go almost stir crazy, or even worse, drift towards mischief, if not properly occupied.

Drift towards mischief if not properly occupied?

You are describing an actual adult, a fully grown man! Do you pop him on his reins and limit his screen time when this starts to occur? What sanctions to you impose when he gets misvhevious?

Honestly, if I ever had to describe my. DH like this, I would be running for the hills. Although, I chose to marry a man not an infant, so it won't happen.

lightand · 13/12/2023 07:00

I can see that AIBU has turned into a "joke" topic.

I am not a regular on MN anyway.
And I assume a lot of regulars do understand that it is.

I remember reading a few months ago, when yet again there was a thread started about the Relationship Forum, where every other comment is LTB, that many were saying they write it as a joke.

Users of MN beware.

wildwestpioneer · 13/12/2023 07:21

Does he need to do anything?

If it's enforced leave is it because he's not taken any holiday the year, or a shut down? If it's the former maybe he just needs some downtime.

I'd leave him to it, he'll sort himself out

Peablockfeathers · 13/12/2023 07:22

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

To be fair it isn't clear what advice you're after, and why him being off is an issue for you. If you're home all of the time or work from home then I can see how having someone restless and bored can be annoying and intense; we can't possibly know what to recommend him to do when we don't know anything about him though! If it was just for moral support and yeah sounds crap then yes I agree it does sound crap.

LinguisticallyCunning · 13/12/2023 07:25

Can you not just enjoy his company for a few weeks? I've got two weeks off for Christmas and would be bloody annoyed if my dh gave me a list of things I need to do to keep me occupied and out from under good feet like I was some kind of annoying toddler. I don't intend on doing anything much at all other than loaf about the house.

Allfur · 13/12/2023 07:28

It would be nice go do some stuff together that didn't involve him watching tv

BananaSplitsss · 13/12/2023 07:28

Small world problem. Clearly.

My husband works away abroad for many months at a time. I absolutely love it when he is home.

It’s not your job to post here asking what he should be doing with his time off- absolutely not.

Imagine the shoe was on the other foot and a man was asking here what is wife should do. There would be uproar .

Ginmonkeyagain · 13/12/2023 07:34

Do you have some rooms that need decorating? A week or two is a good time to do a through job of revamping couple of rooms.

I stuggle to understand how someone would not know how to fill three weeks holiday.

Even in lockdown when our options were very limited, I wasn't bored. There is always something that can be done (admittedly in deepest lockdown one of those things was arranging all the instruction manuals, receipts and guarantees in to separate folders for each room of the house 🫣)

Longma · 13/12/2023 07:35

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Wexone · 13/12/2023 07:44

ha you would hate me then op. I am started my Xmas hols mon (built up time as tried to take off but couldn't) so now off apart from an agreeded dial in call with europe tomorrow till the second of Jan. its so nice to get up when I want watch Dr Phil on TV and walk dogs. it's now Wednesday and apart from a few chores like.put on washing machine and cooking diners I have done sweet f all. I am bloody wrecked. I have the next week and a half to do prep for Xmas. Will get to ut but do you know what my husband will not dare criticise or tell me what to do when am off.

anyolddinosaur · 13/12/2023 07:50

With all due respect (ie. none) what did you expect, OP? One day your husband will retire and you will have this problem all the time. You cant force him to take up new hobbies or go and volunteer to help those less fortunate than himself. You can suggest to him the things that have been suggested here - diy, cleaning, gardening, longer dog walks, look in your local library or at your local Facebook page for local activities to get involved with but if he chooses to sit and watch TV that's his choice. If he gets bored enough maybe he'll change.

gingercat02 · 13/12/2023 07:53

If you have no kids and you don't work why have you not both planned some things to do?
Maybe you don't like each other which by your second post wouldn't be surprising!

TheKnittedCharacter · 13/12/2023 07:53

Why does he have to do anything?

I had to have 2 weeks off recently. I spent one at a Spa with a mate and the second week, I did absolutely nothing. Dossed around, had naps every afternoon. It was rather nice.

MrsMarzetti · 13/12/2023 08:06

Best way is to just carry on with your plans, if you are going out ask him if he wants to go to, if he says no, leave him to it.

Denimdenimdenim · 13/12/2023 08:11

Can he go into the nearest city and do a walking tour? DH likes the history tours in London.
Visit some museums - can spend a day walking around some of those.
Go to the beach for a long walk along the coast with a hot drink.
Find a new computer game or something similar to take up his time.
Go for a long walk at a national trust park or something similar.

Just1MoreMinute · 13/12/2023 08:14

He could do my job for me?! I’d happily swap with him for the next 2 weeks.

Anisette · 13/12/2023 08:26

He can spend the first two weeks on Christmas stuff - cards, buying presents, wrapping them, sorting out the shopping, making the cake etc.

billyt · 13/12/2023 08:32

Don't worry too much OP,

He can waste that amount of time picking up the toys that you're throwing out of your pram.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 13/12/2023 08:35

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

Respectfully, what help based on the scant post you made can anyone give? There is no context.

Why does he need things to do, can't he mooch about? Do you want him out of the house for some reason?

Singingseals · 13/12/2023 08:36

lightand · 13/12/2023 06:24

Crumbs.

Some of the comments on here!

Op, another time, post in chat. Or another forum.
AIBU used to have a bit of a reputation. Now it is positively vile.

There are some useful suggestions in amongst the awfulness.

I know what you mean op about the "problem".
My DH can go almost stir crazy, or even worse, drift towards mischief, if not properly occupied.

What the hell have I just read? I honestly cannot bear this sexist bollocks of women being competent and capable whilst those poor helpless menz can't do a thing for themselves. Up until relatively recently it was a popular trope in adverts - busy, frazzled mums (particularly around Christmas), incompetent, goofy, well meaning dads. Urgh. Thankfully something that we seem to be moving away from, in popular culture at least. Clearly not for some though.

ModestMoon · 13/12/2023 08:36

Can't relate to these comments. My DP has forced time off also, he has limited leave so actually yes, we both consider the decision of what to do in this time to be a joint decision. Otherwise we would never get time off together go enjoy a holiday. I don't plan his whole time but if he's just sat at home it's a waste of his leave, and it means that me and DC can't take a holiday with him later in the year because he's spent half his leave on the sofa at home. No one wins in this scenario, not even DP. When I want to take leave for something just for me, we talk about it and see if it impacts holidays down the line.

Nothing to do with him being a toddler, it's about us being a family who decide on how to spend holidays together.

Mulhollandmagoo · 13/12/2023 08:48

I would be finding some DIY projects for him to do 😂

I get it OP, I would struggle with three weeks off work - do you have any annual leave to take, so you could just spend some time together?

gannett · 13/12/2023 08:51

Agree this is a weird thread to start about a non-problem but it's depressing the amount of MNers who think free leisure time must be filled with projects and work and DIY and DOING THINGS.

Doing nothing when you're on holiday is perfectly acceptable and very enjoyable.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 13/12/2023 08:53

I would be concerned about someone's quality of life and wellbeing, if they genuinely can't think of anything to do with 3 weeks off.

He seems like a workaholic. How will he manage retirement?

Leave him to it and let him figure it out.

The idea of having to organise activities or jobs to keep my OH occupied is such a turn off. I'm sorry but he must be really boring if he doesn't know what to do to assume himself. It's not healthy.

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