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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 12/12/2023 22:45

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

But what advice can anyone provide really?

He's a grown up with 3 weeks holiday over Xmas. He should spend it doing whatever he wants, whether that's doing the jobs that there's never time to do or just sitting and becoming one with the sofa and sky sports,

00100001 · 12/12/2023 22:49

What di you want us to say?

He's an adult, why do you need to organise anything for him? He's clearly happy dossing about, so leave him to it whilst you do what you like

SapphosRock · 12/12/2023 22:53

OP I suggest you concentrate on your own work and hobbies and then you won't notice or care what DH is up to.

idontlikealdi · 12/12/2023 22:53

CAn you express yourself better, what exactly is the problem that a an adult can't figure our for themselves? DH is off for 2.5 weeks, up to him to figure out what he's doing.

momager1 · 12/12/2023 22:53

@Nopenotrightnow I get you. We are retired now so it is better as I am home also. When he had time off and I was a t work, I would come home to cupboards in my kitchen rearranged. Him with a proud grin on his face saying look what I did. Thats GREAT . You put the god damn tupperware above the fridge as you thought there was too much for the cupboard it was in. I cannot reach that cupboard without a step stool. Also, where is my pesto? him..oh it might have been one of the jars I threw out. My spices mixed up as he arranged them by bottle and container size. I kept the ones I used most together. Now have to search for what I need instead of just opening my cupboard and putting my hand on it. It would be understandable if he also cooked, but he does not! RANT OVER. lol. I hated when he had holidays lol

SingingSands · 12/12/2023 22:54

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

But, you haven't asked for your advice? And you posted in AIBU but haven't said what you're being unreasonable for? And people and have made suggestions and you've dismissed them!

HouseChainDrama · 12/12/2023 22:55

But we are helpful, we're helping to release you from mothering a grown man

Thosepurpleberries · 12/12/2023 22:56

Donate blood perhaps, or help me clear my loft? A short online course in something work related or just interesting?

PragmaticWench · 12/12/2023 22:57

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

You're being 'snarky' yourself. You posted but didn't ask a question, then disliked the responses.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 12/12/2023 23:03

Blimey OP, snarky yourself!
Are you working, WFH, sahm?
Are you looking for suggestions for hobbies for DH, or ideas for the pair of you? If so, you can both embark on couch to 5k. Or visits to national trust places.
Or did you just want to vent? That's ok too.
Or do you need an escape plan? In which case, look at all the suggestions made for DH, and choose a couple for yourself instead, and leave him to it.

Lastarse · 12/12/2023 23:08

I think OP and her dull husband seem like a perfect match.

SussexLass87 · 12/12/2023 23:10

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

But OP, genuinely why are you dreading him being around the house for 3 weeks? Is everything okay?

Daria32 · 12/12/2023 23:11

If I had the next two weeks off work, I would wrap all the Christmas presents (do you have kids? Because that takes a lot of (stealth like) time) Prep for Christmas dinner and freeze. Watch Christmas movies (with a cheeky baileys) Empty and sort the playroom/ under stairs cupboard which are full of ~shit~ stuff. Enjoy long walks and potter Round the shops. CooK from scratch dinner every night. Go to a gym class that I can’t normally go to in the daytime and have lazy afternoons reading my kindle. Sounds like bliss!!

CatOnTheLap · 12/12/2023 23:16

If he is in, or can get to the Home Counties, I have a long lists of jobs that need doing in my house, and he would be more than welcome to start on them.

ilovesooty · 12/12/2023 23:18

Lastarse · 12/12/2023 23:08

I think OP and her dull husband seem like a perfect match.

If I were him I think I'd develop some hobbies pretty quickly - even if one of them was watching sport in the pub.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 12/12/2023 23:26

Maybe he can lay a patio...

Why does he need to do anything? If someone tried to give me jobs to do on my holiday I'd tell them to get fucked.

I'd be planning on getting up late, dog walks, laying on the sofa watching tv, hot chocolate, eating, drinking, catching up with a couple of people, basically, all the things you are supposed to do at Christmas.

What is wrong with you, op Confused

AndThatWasNY · 12/12/2023 23:28

He will be retired one day and then he will be at home allllllllllllllll the time.
Is the issue you are working and he will be in the way? If not you will be well and truly fucked when he finishes work.

Bearonthestair · 12/12/2023 23:36

What a weird problem to have. Do you have kids to look after as well as this man baby? Sounds like he needs to get a life. I couldn't imagine having any energy to micro manage my husband in this way. Exhausting.

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 12/12/2023 23:37

Sounds like christmas wrapping and gutting the house are his pre Christmas chores OP

OliveWah · 12/12/2023 23:38

Challenge him to "complete Netflix"!

More seriously; what about researching his family history, or building a model of something (there are some really fabulous kits around these days), or trying out some new recipes and filling the freezer with delicious meals, so neither of you have to expend lots of effort to cook once you get home from work in the dark days of January?

I'm sure you guys have a list of "little jobs" that need doing around the house and garden that you never seem to get time to do when you're working, so perhaps he could tick off a few of those? What about doing a big sort out, complete with charity shop and tip runs, then a thorough spring winter clean, so the house is all lovely for Christmas?

If he does fancy vegging in front of the TV, I'm sure Mumsnetters would be happy to offer some recommendations of some decent series for him to binge.

QueenBean22 · 12/12/2023 23:41

Will you be at home too? Will he be alone?

Dita73 · 12/12/2023 23:44

You say you’re dreading the next few weeks. I bet he’s not exactly overjoyed either

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 23:45

Erm read a book?

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 12/12/2023 23:46

Deep clean the house
Tidy the garden
Sort Christmas

AGoingConcern · 12/12/2023 23:47

What's the problem?

Seriously, that's not snark. Why exactly are you dreading this? Is he asking for ideas? Is he complaining to you about being bored but refusing to do anything to be less bored? Is there specific unpleasant behavior that he engages in when home? Is he unhappy the employer is requiring him to take his vacation and you're wanting to discuss that policy? Or are you just wanting people to brainstorm fun things to do with three weeks off? What specifically are you asking for feedback on here?

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