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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
Maddy70 · 13/12/2023 03:45

Why does he have to 'do' anything ?

BettyPhuckzer · 13/12/2023 03:51

I read the thread title and thought - omg the poor woman. A workaholic man blobbing around, following her throughout the house being mopey and pathetic.

Awful

I'm so sorry for you, OP.

One of my bugbears from times when I was married

My advice is leave him to it as much as you can and go out without him as much as you can. Escape when he's walking the dogs

If you don't have Sky Sports, get it now to keep him super occupied and out of your hair

Sending strength 🥰😍

user1492757084 · 13/12/2023 04:17

If I were you, I'd look up lovely Pubs and cafes within an hours walk away and accompany DH on a few of his dog walks. Walk a new way and visit new places for lunch a few times per week.
He has earned his rest so leave him to it.
Maybe he will help with one or two tasks that you have planned and he'll also be around to help prepare for Christmas, which will be great for you both.

stayathomer · 13/12/2023 04:23

Watching tv and chilling for three weeks sounds like heaven!!! Make sure if you can get some days that ye have the odd date/fun day together op!!

LBFseBrom · 13/12/2023 04:29

SussexLass87 · 12/12/2023 22:26

Very kindly OP, but why is it your job to arrange things for him to do? If he's turning down all of your ideas then I'd just step back and let him walk the dogs and entertain himself.

I'd do the same.

Are you not at work, op? If you are, what he is doing at home will hardly affect you.

Apart from walking the dogs, I'd suggest he does some housework, grocery shopping and cooking. He might like that.

Frasers · 13/12/2023 04:35

Why are you dreading it? Do you not work?

Niallig32839 · 13/12/2023 05:15

having 3 weeks off at this time of year would be amazing. With Christmas I’m sure there will be some busyness around then for a few days, family time, prep time, visiting people etc. on the other days, cleaning up the house, doing the diy that needs done like touching up paint, sorting out the garage/shed.cupboards where things get put and forgotten about. The rest of time I’d be watching tv with my feet up, walking the dog, reading a book, relaxing.

Days tend to fill faster than you think they will

Sceptre86 · 13/12/2023 05:21

Your being deliberately sarcastic. People have asked why him being home is an actual problem and you haven't answered.Without knowing why you dread it how can anyone make meaningful suggestions? The responses will wildly differ if he's lazy or lacks direction compared to if he is abusive or controlling hence you dread having him home.

I'm off for the next 3 weeks too, dh and I talked about some household jobs that we can do together whilst I'm off on his non working day. I've also got a rough idea of what I can crack on with myself and some fun stuff I'd like to do with toddler dd whilst her siblings are at school.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 13/12/2023 05:22

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

What did you actually want from this thread? Honestly, a grown man who can't think of anything to do for three weeks' holiday sounds a bit wet to me, and if he doesn't like your suggestions then step back and tell him to organise his own life.

How on earth does he/you think other people manage?

tinytemper66 · 13/12/2023 05:24

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

I have 6 weeks off every summer as a teacher. If someone told me how to spend it, I would tell them to fuck off.

LickleLamb · 13/12/2023 05:29

I imagine he doesn’t want the time off and OP doesn’t want him under her feet. She wouldn’t have posted if it was a matter of leaving him to get on with it would she?

AGoingConcern · 13/12/2023 05:38

LickleLamb · 13/12/2023 05:29

I imagine he doesn’t want the time off and OP doesn’t want him under her feet. She wouldn’t have posted if it was a matter of leaving him to get on with it would she?

Under her feet? He's not a toddler or a puppy and shouldn't be treated like or allowed to act like one.

Lobelia123 · 13/12/2023 05:46

I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest. Hes evdiently a workaholic being forced to take down time and being sent home to a wife who doesnt want him. If I were him and read this Id book a first class ticket to somewhere int he sun on my own and leave her to enjoy the house in undisturbed peace.

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 13/12/2023 05:47

LickleLamb · 13/12/2023 05:29

I imagine he doesn’t want the time off and OP doesn’t want him under her feet. She wouldn’t have posted if it was a matter of leaving him to get on with it would she?

Well, everyone has to take annual leave at some time, and not always at their convenience. If an adult can't find something to do for three weeks I would despair of them. As for being "under her feet", what nonsense.

Userxyd · 13/12/2023 05:49

OP there will always be the tough love one line responses. There's also lots of more thoughtful helpful comments with great ideas that you could think about and respond to.

All have bothered to reply whether with understanding and sympathy or with "leave him to it" so no need to feel annoyed.
Good luck with him!

Herbiebanannas · 13/12/2023 05:52

if you really put the time and effort in to commit to doing it properly the Kama Sutra can be completed in about 17.3 days, which leaves a few days for recovery and the Christmas football schedule, plus some of the darts.

There are even a few pages that can be completed while watching football or darts if his time management isn’t great.

I hope this helps.

Firefly2009 · 13/12/2023 06:13

Do you have kids at home? Could you just shag your way through it?
I'm only thinking this because I often read tonnes of marital issues on MN and I always think that I'm glad I'm alone. So I sympathise. So I came up with the only good thing I could think of that I'm missing out on. Sex.

Genuinely though, I know MN can be tough. I'll now probably get some backlash about other benefits of being married; perhaps these will be helpful to you though?
But in my experience there are people who love to help. So perhaps expand on what the issue is?🤗I think it's just the way your post is worded; are you just venting? I wouldn't like your situation either. I think my approach would be to ignore him.

astarsheis · 13/12/2023 06:14

WTF do you expect people to say

lightand · 13/12/2023 06:24

Crumbs.

Some of the comments on here!

Op, another time, post in chat. Or another forum.
AIBU used to have a bit of a reputation. Now it is positively vile.

There are some useful suggestions in amongst the awfulness.

I know what you mean op about the "problem".
My DH can go almost stir crazy, or even worse, drift towards mischief, if not properly occupied.

Lobelia123 · 13/12/2023 06:33

Userxyd · 13/12/2023 05:49

OP there will always be the tough love one line responses. There's also lots of more thoughtful helpful comments with great ideas that you could think about and respond to.

All have bothered to reply whether with understanding and sympathy or with "leave him to it" so no need to feel annoyed.
Good luck with him!

This is probably the most grown up response I have ever read on Mumsnet!

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 06:37

There is a difference in 'my husband is having 3 weeks off how will I survive what joke things can you help me with'

And what I took the op to be asking as a genuine request

The former I get

Ascubudr · 13/12/2023 06:39

stayathomer · 13/12/2023 04:23

Watching tv and chilling for three weeks sounds like heaven!!! Make sure if you can get some days that ye have the odd date/fun day together op!!

No working mother anywhere in the Western World would ever have this problem in December. WTF did you expect us to say ?

Maireas · 13/12/2023 06:42

Herbiebanannas · 13/12/2023 05:52

if you really put the time and effort in to commit to doing it properly the Kama Sutra can be completed in about 17.3 days, which leaves a few days for recovery and the Christmas football schedule, plus some of the darts.

There are even a few pages that can be completed while watching football or darts if his time management isn’t great.

I hope this helps.

I think that's a most creative solution 😉

thesixleggedpsychopathonthetrain · 13/12/2023 06:42

If you don't have any books in your house, he could join the library.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 13/12/2023 06:43

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

Yikes I'd be dreading the next 50 years! Who can't think of ANY way to fill their time for 3 weeks? He'll be a total nightmare when you retire ...

If you have kids, he can do things with them. If you don't, and if he likes work so much, could he do a training course online or something that would give him new relevant skills? Should keep him busy and is in his (very limited!) sphere of interest. And surely there's always sport on the TV!