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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
HeraSyndulla · 13/12/2023 10:25

Sign up with a temp agency. Lots of ppl looking for Xmas cover. X

Sophierx89 · 13/12/2023 12:03

My dp is pretty similar, his Christmas holiday is pretty much spent lazing around watching tv but he works so hard all year it doesn't bother me, although I will admit a few years ago it did as I felt we should be doing things together but you can't force someone to do things they have no interest in. Make your own plans with friends and family, extend the invite to him if you wish but if he's happy staying home get yourself out and about and still have some fun.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 13/12/2023 12:45

To be fair if she is home all day I have some sympathy. My DH switched from at work all the time to WFH all the time, and it totally messed with my head because he's here. All. The. Time. Not even getting under my feet, it just threw me. (And I'm not even home all day)
Have a friend whose DH took early retirement and he is absolutely under her feet. Looking over her shoulder. Suggesting "better" ways of doing things she's managed perfectly well her whole life. Being at the sink doing who knows what when she wants to clear up. But never actually doing anything useful. Asking where she's going. Etc.
Maybe this is what the OP is dreading, but I don't think they are going to enlighten us.

beanii · 13/12/2023 12:49

The fact you're dreading spending 3 weeks with him speaks volumes about your relationship.

I'm currently recovering from major spinal surgery and my husband and I have spent 4 months solid together - not a single cross word - just lots of laughs 😊

SadlyACupOfTeaDoesNotSolveEverything · 13/12/2023 14:33

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

@Nopenotrightnow that's downright unfair. My post was far from snarky!

isthismylifenow · 13/12/2023 15:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

😂

RedToothBrush · 13/12/2023 15:57

SussexLass87 · 12/12/2023 22:26

Very kindly OP, but why is it your job to arrange things for him to do? If he's turning down all of your ideas then I'd just step back and let him walk the dogs and entertain himself.

This.

He shouldnt be sitting on his arse. He has a brain and can use it to work out what needs doing and what he could do to have a relax.

If he can't manage this, it demonstrates WHY he needs to be FORCED to take a break because his work is more important than anything else in his life. And you should be noting that.

Sugarsun · 13/12/2023 16:47

He doesn’t need to plan anything.

If there are things that desperately need doing then he can do them but otherwise he can just relax, as that’s what holidays are for.

AGoingConcern · 13/12/2023 16:59

Crikeyisthatthetime · 13/12/2023 09:51

Well, OP flounced off after ooh, about 20 minutes 😁 (I suspect she's miffed that we aren't mind-readers).
Anyway, as you were, I'm loving the thread.

It's been interesting watching everyone make their own (different) assumptions about what the problem is. There's a whole lot of projection in this thread 😂

gingercat02 · 13/12/2023 17:25

beanii · 13/12/2023 12:49

The fact you're dreading spending 3 weeks with him speaks volumes about your relationship.

I'm currently recovering from major spinal surgery and my husband and I have spent 4 months solid together - not a single cross word - just lots of laughs 😊

My husband had a massive heart attack at he beginning of the year. I took 9 weeks off to look after him and help him recuperate.
After the fear, we had a lovely time, and both wanted to retire

beanii · 13/12/2023 17:28

gingercat02 · 13/12/2023 17:25

My husband had a massive heart attack at he beginning of the year. I took 9 weeks off to look after him and help him recuperate.
After the fear, we had a lovely time, and both wanted to retire

Show quote history

Aww I hope he's recovering well now.

Yes it's lovely spending time together 🥰

Allfur · 13/12/2023 17:38

That's not really the op's situation is it

Nagado · 13/12/2023 17:41

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

Exactly what advice do you need? Has he asked you to help him find things to occupy his time? Is him being at home relaxing, watching sport on tv and walking your dogs going to cause you any problems? Because if the answer to either of those questions is a ‘no’ then my advice would be to leave the poor sod alone. You’re creating a problem where none exist.

DidiAskYouThough · 13/12/2023 17:43

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:42

Thank you all so much for your help. I now understand why Mumsnetters are known to be so helpful. I hope you all have a nice holiday period, don't need any advice and if you do, I hope you all find someone as helpful / snarky as yourselves.

What did you need help with though? I don't understand.
Your boring* husband can figure out what to do with his time himself surely?

*Boring meaning sitting watching sport being his sole pastime and no other possible activity or hobby can be imagined

IncompleteSenten · 13/12/2023 17:45

I'm sure he'll be fine just relaxing and watching sports. You don't need to try to manage his time.

Do the two of you not get on, is that why you're dreading it?

Allfur · 13/12/2023 17:47

I mean he doesn't sound like a great companion to be fair

Saschka · 13/12/2023 18:34

Allfur · 13/12/2023 17:38

That's not really the op's situation is it

Nobody knows! She has flounced

Scottsy200 · 13/12/2023 19:56

He sounds like an absolute hoot

PepsiCoco · 13/12/2023 22:02

@SussexLass87 yes I was serious. The OP already said they had a dog and he enjoyed walking it so they are clearly good dog owners.

SussexLass87 · 13/12/2023 22:29

PepsiCoco · 13/12/2023 22:02

@SussexLass87 yes I was serious. The OP already said they had a dog and he enjoyed walking it so they are clearly good dog owners.

Er...okay then 😅 Plenty of responsible breeders and rehoming centres who just give out puppies within 3 weeks.

For goodness sake 🙄

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 22:33

PepsiCoco · 13/12/2023 22:02

@SussexLass87 yes I was serious. The OP already said they had a dog and he enjoyed walking it so they are clearly good dog owners.

Yeah they can chose one from the thousands abandoned in shelters because of people who thought getting a dog was a hobby

PepsiCoco · 14/12/2023 07:55

@WandaWonder exactly. If there’s someone who would actually walk it then makes sense to me.
I’ve never had a dog and never would as it’s too much of a commitment to me but surely having two dogs is like having two kids, you are already trapped and committed so throwing another one in the mix won’t make much difference

PepsiCoco · 14/12/2023 07:58

@SussexLass87 well I did mean spend the three weeks looking for and planning for the puppy as oppose to expecting it to arrive on the first day.
Given he didn’t use this years AL allowance, I assume it wouldn’t be difficult to take another couple of weeks off in Feb or whenever the puppy would arrive.

SussexLass87 · 14/12/2023 15:31

PepsiCoco · 14/12/2023 07:58

@SussexLass87 well I did mean spend the three weeks looking for and planning for the puppy as oppose to expecting it to arrive on the first day.
Given he didn’t use this years AL allowance, I assume it wouldn’t be difficult to take another couple of weeks off in Feb or whenever the puppy would arrive.

I'm going to sound really pedantic here, but you can't give the bare minimum of information on an online forum (e.g "get a puppy") then be surprised when people don't realise that you actually meant "spend time carefully researching whether getting another dog is a good idea."

Anyway. The OP has flounced after getting genuine responses (including from both me and you) so it's all besides the point now.

We'll never know what she actually wanted from this thread. Ah well. I'm off for a cuppa!

Tessabelle74 · 14/12/2023 16:56

And then there's others out here who are working 60 hour weeks that would love some decent time off with our spouses and actually look forward to it! Seems a bit pointless having a relationship with someone you don't seem to respect or even like very much