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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH is on holiday for the next three weeks

223 replies

Nopenotrightnow · 12/12/2023 22:24

... and neither of us knows what he is going to do with his time! It's "forced" time off, his employer has insisted he takes paid holiday. He has no hobbies, turns down any suggestion I make if it doesn't involve walking our dogs. We have no family or friends close by. He has no interest in anything other than work or sport on TV. I am dreading the next few weeks.

OP posts:
MildredCurry · 12/12/2023 23:51

Going by my not so DH's annual leave playbook it'd be Homes Under the Hammer and having a wank. Not necessarily at the same time!

Boomarang · 12/12/2023 23:56

MildredCurry · 12/12/2023 23:51

Going by my not so DH's annual leave playbook it'd be Homes Under the Hammer and having a wank. Not necessarily at the same time!

🙈

I don’t know whether to laugh out loud (actually I did) or offer a gentle ‘MN I’m sorry’.

But 10/10 vocab 💪

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 00:01

Loads to keep him busy at this time of year. DH would do any/all of this.

Clean the house before Christmas- thoroughly.
windows
wash floors
hoover every inch
dust skirting boards
dust every surface
empty fridge and clean
defrost any freezers
tidy and clean kitchen surfaces
put up Christmas decs
start food and booze shop- any food that can be frozen
wrap all presents
finish off and post any cards not done
any remaining present shopping to be done

Generally:
change beds
do any washing and ironing
dusting/hoovering
clean bathrooms
general housework
tidy garage
wash pet beds
wash and vacc cars

BeeCucumber · 13/12/2023 00:03

Why doesn’t he take time off?

ChocolateCinderToffee · 13/12/2023 00:06

There must be stuff in your home and garden (if you have one) that needs doing. Honestly, one of the things I most enjoy is pottering about and sorting stuff out. Ask him to clear out the shed or garage, tidy the cupboards, clean the car.

LuluBlakey1 · 13/12/2023 00:06

Sorry- read it as 3 days, not 3 weeks. He could do that list for the first 3 days.

Then, lots of dog walking - nice way to spend time in Winter and will allow for lots of Christmas calories.

Could you do some day trips together to places where you'd get good walking and nice coast/countryside? Even if you just did a couple each week and took treat packed lunches.

Could he go and visit his parents for a couple of days?

justanothermanicmonday1 · 13/12/2023 00:07

I think as he's a grown man you should leave him to do what he likes? Don't know why you're dreading it so much? So strange.

If you don't want advice, don't ask.

tachycardigan · 13/12/2023 00:11

Leave the dogs with DH and go on a holiday without him.

HuckleberryBlackcurrant · 13/12/2023 00:12

Maybe you can arrange some play dates for him, since he's such a wittle boy and doesn't know what to do without activities planned out by his Mummy

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2023 00:13

Is it jealousy that he is off and you're not so so when you are at work you need to know that he is doing something productive?

If you had three weeks off would you find something to fill every minute or would you just take the time to relax and pretend that you dont have a job for three weeks? I know what I would do!

DP's employers have just had to do this for their shop floor work force as they are in the builidng supplies industry and there simply isnt enough work. Its either enforced holiday or layoffs/redundancy. If he is in a similar industry give him a break, he may be very worried about his job.

Livelovebehappy · 13/12/2023 00:16

To be fair it sounds like OPs dh has had a rant about what he can do with his time for three weeks, rather than him asking or expecting op to give him things to do. I very rarely have that much time off where something isn’t planned, like holidays etc, and when it happens you do wonder how to plan your days. Some men really are that much into their work that they just don’t like having time off.

VivienneDelacroix · 13/12/2023 00:19

BeeCucumber · 13/12/2023 00:03

Why doesn’t he take time off?

I think we know!

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 13/12/2023 00:19

I'm assuming OP wants to help her DH because

1 she actually gives a damn about him and wants him to look back in the break positively and

2 she doesn't want to put up with a bored, unhappy DH around her/under her feet.

She's not being "controlling" ffs!!!!

Op, on the slim chance you're reading this, as painful as it might be, apart from giving a few suggestions, maybe you need to step back. Perhaps the reason why he is finding it so hard to work out what to do is because he doesn't have a good work/life balance at the moment. This might be the trigger for him to find something he enjoys outside of work, but only being totally bored will trigger some activity in his part. Time for "tough love" I'm afraid.

grumpycow1 · 13/12/2023 00:21

Why are you dreading it OP? Not being snarky just curious.

If it was my DP I’d be happy that he could maybe take some time to sort life admin, read books, just relax really. I do agree that he needs to sort out his plans himself and you worrying about that puts you in a bit of a parent role. Does that happen often?

penjil · 13/12/2023 00:21

How much annual leave does he get over year? I'm guessing about 4.5 to 5 weeks off.

So why is he having to take most of it now?

Why didn't he use it in the summer when the weather was better?

Or spread the annual leave out evenly through the year?

Ribidibidibidoobahday · 13/12/2023 00:25

Do you have Netflix? If so, I quite enjoyed "Christmas catering" the other night. Catering Christmas? One of the two

Lysianthus · 13/12/2023 00:30

@VivienneDelacroix nailed it.

OP get a grip. Obviously (well, to me and most others on here) your DP will need to decide for himself what he does with his free time. Hopefully it will reflect what needs doing in your joint household, and some of it will be to benefit him, his hobbies etc. But if you have to come onto MN and start a thread then at least do us all the courtesy of expanding on your reasons for doing so,

Diggerdriverless · 13/12/2023 00:43

If you have more than one TV/laptop/anything with a screen you can still watch other stuff while he is watching sport. If you have friends, family, hobbies or work presumably you will be out of the house lots. Not sure why you seem to be dreading him having a well-earned break from work.

cannonlc · 13/12/2023 01:12

I mean that sounds like a dream! If I had 3 weeks off I'm sure I would achieve absolutely nothing and spend loads of time on the sofa doom scrolling and napping !
Does he need to have things to do ? Although if my dh had time off and I didn't I would be really annoyed if he lazed about but mostly jealous

Kokeshi123 · 13/12/2023 02:54

I really hope the "puppy" suggestion was a joke.

Mummymummy89 · 13/12/2023 03:02

Wow op you would not cope being married to a teacher in the summer.

(I'm a teacher 😁)

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 13/12/2023 03:03

Why are you dreading it?

WandaWonder · 13/12/2023 03:30

Is he asking for suggestions?

SD1978 · 13/12/2023 03:30

If it's forced, then he doesn't usually take any holiday I assume? Are you working, or will you also be home? Is he someone who likes to be doing things? Dog walks could become longer/ further away. Is DIY something he'd be interested in? If he doesn't want to just sit on his arse (I would Grin) then probably pre preparing his time off might help?

PieAndLattes · 13/12/2023 03:37

If it’s forced holiday then maybe he works too hard and needs a break. I don’t see too much wrong with walking the dog and watching sport, tbh, and I’d leave him to it. He might be more interested in doing something once he’s had a week to decompress. Just leave him to it.

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