Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To starve ds

228 replies

Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 07:57

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

OP posts:
Twistyripple · 12/12/2023 08:01

Yes it's unreasonable but I think you probably know that. Its really difficult but try not make eating meals an issue, you dont want your child to end up with issues surrounding food.

How old is your son? That would make a big difference to the approach you should use.

Onionsmadeofglass · 12/12/2023 08:01

If he’s still sitting at the table and slowing feeding himself can you not just clear the rest of the table and get on with something else? I appreciate that if he’s young he might need supervision in the room but if you eat in the kitchen/open plan kitchen/dining you could wash up/load the dishwasher. Or if you have older kids with homework/reading that needs doing you could do that with them at the table. Or work emails. Whatever really. Let him finish in his own time if you can.

Sirzy · 12/12/2023 08:04

Just try to plan things to give him longer to eat so you’re not rushing.

have a plate of things sat where he can just go back to it if he wants.

do a picnic style where he can get a few bits of whatever.

don’t turn it into a battle zone. You won’t win.

Whinge · 12/12/2023 08:04

How old is he?

10 minutes is hardly any time at all. You need to stop making mealtimes a battle ground and try to relax.

BitOutOfPractice · 12/12/2023 08:04

I hear you, it’s frustrating. My eldest was the same. But YABU because the more stressed you get, the more of an issue it becomes.

Relax. Or, like me, pretend you’re relaxed. Act relaxed.

this too shall pass. Promise.

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 08:06

Whinge · 12/12/2023 08:04

How old is he?

10 minutes is hardly any time at all. You need to stop making mealtimes a battle ground and try to relax.

To START eating? If someone put food infront of me and ten minutes later I hadn't even tried it they would be asking what's wrong with it

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 08:07

Is there anything distracting him?

Ringshanks · 12/12/2023 08:08

Is he very young ? I found putting an interesting documentary or podcast on low volume on the radio gave me something to do with my brain and gave me patience for some parenting tasks that otherwise drive me mad !

10HailMarys · 12/12/2023 08:08

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 08:06

To START eating? If someone put food infront of me and ten minutes later I hadn't even tried it they would be asking what's wrong with it

Show quote history

Yes, because you’re an adult. OP’s child is still at the age where he shouts “Mine, I’ll do it” so I’m guessing he is, at most, three years old.

Whinge · 12/12/2023 08:10

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 08:06

To START eating? If someone put food infront of me and ten minutes later I hadn't even tried it they would be asking what's wrong with it

Show quote history

It would be unusual for an adult, but I've known plenty of children who take a while to start eating. They might prefer to chat, drink, wait for the food to cool down, or even just need time to adjust to the fact it's now time to eat, rather than play.

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/12/2023 08:14

How old is he?
We give our toddler at least 20 min, and only take the food away if he starts playing with it or tell us he is done.
If he's not eating it we try to encourage him, ask if he is not hungry, or would try to give him something else like his dessert (a fruit usually) or cheese. Sometimes it will kick things in and he will start eating his main. Sometimes he's just not hungry and we will try again 30-60 min later.

If your son is older, I'd just leave him to it but make it clear thats the only food on offer, and if they want it hot I would show them how to use the microwave

MariaVT65 · 12/12/2023 08:14

I think firstly we need to know how old your child is op.

Regardless, yes YABU.

I have a 3 year old and he doesn’t eat straight away sometimes. He also doesn’t and eat it all in one go. He will eat a bit, then wants to get up and do something else and will come back to it a bit later. Obv not something an adult would do, but if your son is a toddler, i’d say it’s just easier not to try and force him to eat if he’s not ready immediately. We wouldn’t treat an adult like this.

SandyWaves · 12/12/2023 08:16

Do not throw his food away.

You are going to make bigger issues with his food.

Why is he not eating? Is it the food he dislikes?

My DD is the same and can hardly eat anything if I left her to her own devices. She's primary age. I sit down with her and feed her. I do not make her clear her plate if she doesn't want to eat it all, but she eats a damn sight more than if I left her to it.

Sometimes i'll halve the food and ask her if she can manage to finish one half. Usually she will as it looks doable.

She eats a lot of fruit so I know she'll be ok. But I will not make issues about mealtimes or food because I don't want any problems. Eating should be fun and relaxed. You need to sit down and be patient.

Ohdearwhatnow4 · 12/12/2023 08:17

Try getting him to help prepare the meal, and give smaller portions. Is he doing it to every meal? If you give him a treat does he always finish that?

Globules · 12/12/2023 08:18

Are you sitting with him and eating too? If not, try modelling to him, be in it with him rather than talking to him. Children are very visual creatures at that age and always want to copy

Butchyrestingface · 12/12/2023 08:18

How old is he? I mean, if he’s 25, sure, hell batter it into him.

But if he’s only wee, what is he doing in the intervening 10 minutes?

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 12/12/2023 08:21

My parents were like this. They pushed me to override my body's fullness signals and it has caused me massive weight problems. I'm only now getting a handle on it aged nearly 50. No one should be expected to bolt their food in 10 minutes.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:27

Sorry - should have put how old he is. Just three.

I am not trying to stress him out, and I wouldn’t actually mind if he ate it but he doesn’t without endless encouragement and reminders. And it is a bit stressful as he’s at preschool today and he never eats his packed lunch there so if he doesn’t eat any breakfast then that’s nothing until dinner time which obviously isn’t ideal!

OP posts:
Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:28

And yeah, I’m definitely not expecting him to eat it in ten minutes (although to be honest it’s a small serving of porridge, ten minutes is more than reasonable) but he hadn’t even started.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 12/12/2023 08:30

What does he do when it is a food he really likes? Even if that chocolate or something?

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:30

Oh, he’d eat chocolate all right but I’m not providing that indefinitely!

OP posts:
Whinge · 12/12/2023 08:35

and he never eats his packed lunch there so if he doesn’t eat any breakfast then that’s nothing until dinner time which obviously isn’t ideal!

What is he doing rather than eating?

Is it just the porridge he refuses to eat, what about other breakfast options? Also can he open the things you're putting in his packed lunch? He might be too shy to ask the staff for help.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:37

I did wonder that, but he could get into the crisps OK!

OP posts:
SALWARP2023 · 12/12/2023 08:42

My DS had a very fragile appetite in so far as a sliver of fruit would satisfy him for hours so make sure your DC is hungry. Also, sit with him to eat, preferably eating and drinking yourself. Give him attention when he eats and ignore him when he doesn't. Not much you can do other wise.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:43

Sitting with him to eat - I don’t have an hour plus to be sat down though (not trying to be awkward, I know this is the official advice but like a lot of advice, it doesn’t work!)

He just has food in front of CBeebies. He has eaten a mouse portion of cereal, so I’m wondering if he’s a bit unwell.

OP posts: