To starve ds

[Spinningscrewdriverss]

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

Short of tying ds to the table (ha!) I can’t physically make him sit at the table. I could, if I were inclined to do so, enforce sanctions, consequences, for lack of cooperation but that seems counterproductive in terms of trying to make meal times happy and relaxed. I’m not fussed where he eats but I am just a little worried he’s going to go all day with a mouse portion of cereal in him!

my son went through a phase of refusing to eat his own food, but he wanted mine, so i put it on my plate, ate a little, then fed him from my plate.

Does he show interest in your food at all? Just curious if it might be worth a go?

It's the TV. Switch it off,

Look, we are all offering the OP our personal advice. There is great advice from many posters and while you and me disagree, it's up to the OP to do what she considers the best for her child. There is no point in you and me continuing answering each other while derailing the OP thread. @Alondra

Well, you're the one that called my advice crap. Twice.

That would apply if he were overeating but I highly doubt it here. Kids mindlessly eat and don't listen to their body when tv is on. Here it seems tv is a last resort to help and so this comment doesn't really match what the op has said.

I strapped my child into their high chair until they had tried most things. Music or radio but no TV except for snack time.

Try cutting up the food in different ways, paying attention to the texture the child prefers, and involving the child in the preparation and purchase of the food. They like to choose their plate. I provide cutlery but expect use of fingers and I also have my own extra spoon with which to feed them.

For the three main meals I serve only whole healthy foods. (boring) eg.. Cereal, egg, salads- cucumber, capsicum, tomato, peanut butter sandwiches, sausages, chick dinosaur nuggets, chops, vegetables, pasta etc
For snacks crackers and Homus, yoghurt and fruits, canned fruit.

They prefer microwaved vegies that keep their shape.
I often offer a scoop of icecream if they try all foods on their dinner plate and eat all their green vegies - broccoli, beans, snow peas etc.

I always eat with them, set the table and say or sing a thank you. A bit of a ritual. Offer water often while they are eating.
It is amazing how thirsty they are.

Well, it’s my fault for stressing. I know he’s never been a brilliant eater (in some ways) - it’s just he does need encouragement (ie actually feeding!) When he refused to let me feed him I did (inwardly) go ‘oh ffs, what do I do now?’ But it most likely is the build up to a bug.

I was going to do a fancy dinner bur I think it might be a fish fingers, mash and peas sort of job!

Fish fingers, chicken dinosaur nuggets, self assemble pizzas and tacos are all great. Some kids like to eat vegies in small frozen blocks (and frozen peas).

Fish fingers, chicken dinosaur nuggets, self assembly pizza and tacos are all great. Some kids like to eat frozen vegies in small blocks and frozen peas.

Can you give him a fruit bar or toast in the car or something? So at least his getting something in him. We quite often rush in the morning and the kids have toast & fruit in the car on the way to school - weirdly they eat more this way! Forced to sit still I suppose…

You're asking strangers (kind strangers) if you should withdraw food for a 3 year old after 10 minutes? Is this a reverse. If not you've got far bigger problems. Being a parent/ caregiver takes a time sacrifice. I'm stunned.

Go easy on yourself

kids vary in how they do with food.

mine are not that food orientated but also have fast metabolism and need to eat. Can be very frustrating

this is what we do:

CBeebies over breakfast almost always.

food they like especially at breakfast.

i feed them if needed. Still feed the five year old quite often, even the 10 year old occasionally

regular rotating familiar meals they like.

i only serve stuff that is a stretch for them (like salmon) when we’re all in a good place. Will let them watch to take their mind off it if it’s hard.

we mostly have family dinner at the table

i seem to be on a continuous rota of cooking and preparing a meal eating it with 2 dc clearing away and almost starting the process again 3 x a day!
I’ve never block watched but I’d say we could be at the table for 40 mins - hour but it flies by! They are talking playing with it it genuinely doesn’t feel that long… that’s not every meal but it’s never been rushed. There is obviously a cut off when we have to go somewhere but on the whole eating times are pretty long in our house. I’d definitely allow 30 mins for mine to eat. 1 is 4 the other is 1. The 4 yo is much more efficient now so I’m probably applying the above to ages 10 months - 3 yo.
I remember filling out the 1/2 year old checks and thinking goodness we take much longer to eat than the ‘recommended’ time frame.

he might have silent reflux making eating uncomfortable. equally he might have all sorts of other issues around food that are just manifesting now. hurrying him or making eating food a big deal is only going to make this worse. he is only 3 for goodness sake. your post has made me feel really sad.

Agree with this.
Remember it's all a phase, OP. You won't always have to be sitting with dc but sounds like this is needed at the moment.

You need to work out if he's got a bug right now, I wouldn't make any changes to what you do if he does.

Then check with doctor that his mouth looks normal as this could be an issue. Ask childcare providers if any concerns about development and possible autism or ADHD.

An actual condition would make it reasonable to use a strategy like grazing, watching TV etc.

In the absence of that, tbh it sounds like you're too lazy to make mealtimes something enjoyable. Telly off. Family sits round the table. Make sure food includes at least something he will eat. If he gets down, you make him get back up again. As many times as it takes. Eat earlier if it helps with his tiredness levels. Make sure the food is properly nutritious so he's getting nutrients even if he doesn't eat much. Not processed guff.

Parenting is hard work, but you're the parent so you do it. Just not bothering is why so many kids turn up at school without the skills they need to deal with reception.

Your reference to family meals being awful when you were growing up is the key to this. Have you ever spoken to anyone about that?

Has he had a full doctor checkup? My nephew was like this, turned out he had recurrent tonsillitis and his tonsils were often swollen, making eating a painful process. He was very underweight as a result. The NHS kept prescribing antibiotics but that didn’t help. After the parents bought a private tonsillectomy he started eating properly, put on weight and was a different child!

Or perhaps teething makes your son’s eating painful?

So it is worth doing medical investigations not just blaming the child, and bear in mind the NHS is a bit shit these days.

Taking away food is not a solution to slow eating, it’s just bullying a child who already has a problem. It is your job as his mum to help him eat if it’s something he struggles with. If you don’t have time to parent well, that’s the problem, not your child.

I had the TV on when my DS was young. Same as yours, he wouldn’t eat much otherwise. With the TV on he would zone out a bit and eat. It worked for us. Of our 4 DC he is now the one with the best appetite and will eat almost anything. I’m sure that’s nothing to do with the TV, but for all those urging you to turn it off and insisting it must be that, don’t listen. Do what works for you. It didn’t do my DS (now 14) any harm!

NoCloudsAllowed judgey post, much!

AIBU is inviting judgment. That's the whole point.

Try

• loirque 60 minute visual timer
• time tracker (learning resources)

No tv, sit with him at least until you have finished and then dip back and forth with prompts.

Keep an eye out for adhd/autism/dyspraxia signs.

My almost 6 year old would still happily spend 2 hours eating quarter of a sandwhich if she's eating in front of the TV. We now only allow this as a friday night treat (takeaway and movie night) or occasionally if we really need to get jobs done etc. Otherwise she eats way better if we all sit together at a table.

She isn't a fussy eater at all but will try it on if given the chance insisting that she only likes fish fingers 🤣 what helps is making eating relaxed and social (as it should be), try and avoid putting them under pressure to eat and the grownups indirectly dropping into the conversation how delicious the food is etc.

Relax, sit with your child, stop clock watching and enjoy at least a cuppa whilst they're eating and they'll get the idea

You can't make him sit at the table. But you can make it a rule that mealtimes are when you sit at the table to eat. If they don't eat then that's it until the next time. Once they get up that's it no more food. No toys or TV at the table. Obviously it takes some reminders and a while to get them into a routine. For younger children make more allowances. There's no need to apply sanctions or consequences, just remind them what is expected.

If you insist on using TV to avoid having to parent your child then you will have problems like this. he is probably just distracted by the TV and also trying to gain some control by refusing to eat.

Mealtimes are never going to be happy and relaxed sitting in front of the TV on his own or being cajoled to eat. Eating with TV on is also really bad for portion control and predicsposes to obesity so I'd get the TV off even if you don't bother with the table.

NoCloudsAllowed actually she was asking for advice. It’s a shame you see a request for advice as an excuse to pass judgement and make shitty comments about her being lazy.

Have you tried just for one day putting food in front of him and doing nothing.
He simply cannot go all day without any food. If he does and doesn't eat for 24 hours I'd be taking him to the doctors.