To starve ds

[Spinningscrewdriverss]

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

I disagree. I have 3 children and they were different as toddlers. My oldest was a joy to feed and sleep, my middle one loved his food and was a terrible sleeper, and the youngest wouldn't eat and wouldn't sleep.

Jersydress advice comes straight from a 1950's parenting book with all the instructions about how to be a great parent without the flexibility to acknowledge the individuality of your kids and how they develop in their own time.

Nothing wrong with this

My 4yo sensory avoider autistic child takes absolutely forever to eat as well OP.

We don't usually do meals in our house, we graze.

TV is always on, distractions are needed to take away from the sensations of the food.

He snacks at school, they have access to crackers and fruit at all times for all kids, and he'll eat things like sausage rolls as long as we're on the hoof and he's distracted by the vestibular sensation so occasionally I can get a warm thing in him.

Honestly we just make fruit trays, slap some pringles in a bowl, dry cereal in another bowl, milkshakes and high calorie drinks are always out, and the chokehold McDonald's chicken nuggets has over my son as his primary source of protein is insane but there we go, that's where we are at the moment in life.

We also don't sit together to eat. We introduce new foods the Ellyn satter way, lots of safe foods always available with one single unsafe food item on the tray, not talked about, not pressured, just there and offered frequently.

It works for us.

We had one like this until he was about 9 - he’d easily take half an hour to eat dinner. Good table manners, whole family round the table finished and waiting. Sometimes we’d let other dc clear their space and crack on with their evening while we sat with slow dc. Other times we’d all sit about waiting. We tried hurrying up/ignoring. Nothing made a difference. No food allergies or dislikes, teeth or cognitive things going on. Tried getting dc involved in menu and cooking - just soooooo slow. Suddenly he began eating at our pace at about age 9- no idea why but extremely happy here. Try not to make a big thing of it or it could become a battle then a food problem - good luck

Someone asked how long it’s been an issue / he’s never eaten well independently (with me anyway - does at nursery usually) but does eat it you feed him. I’ve come to realise that what he eats and how much is far more important to me than where he eats it which is why I don’t really care if he eats his food in front of the TV. Just a bit frustrating this morning because he wasn’t letting me feed him and I know he won’t eat lunch.

I think I was just a bit stressed as I know he won’t eat any lunch so no breakfast or lunch is a bit rubbish - I’d be a bit more chilled about one or the other, although I do need to not stress about it. I think the problem is the whole ‘he won’t starve!’ thing isn’t actually true here, as while he won’t starve in a literal sense he won’t eat (or drink!) even close to enough without a lot of encouragement which does get a bit exhausting.

Jersydress advice comes straight from a 1950's parenting book with all the instructions about how to be a great parent without the flexibility to acknowledge the individuality of your kids and how they develop in their own time. @Alondra

Read my post again. There's nothing required of the child, no forced manners, spoon feeding, consequences for not eating.

Only a patient and attentive parent is able to subtly encourage focus on the food, understand how important the parent connection/ active presence is while the child finds it tricky (not starting to eat when left to own devices), use the child's innate curiosity in their favour.

Putting your child in front of the tv and letting them mindlessly shove in some UPF is not thinking out of the box.

Thank you @EasternStandard x

Are you out of your mind? A 3 year old. It's your job to be patient and feed him. No 3 year old sat down and gulped a meal in 10 minutes ever. This sounds so selfish and cruel. If you're having difficulties see a therapist or atrend a parental course.

I think some children just have poor appetites. Both my kids are sparrow eaters and I still feed both of them certain meals.

My DS was the same and to be honest he didn't really speed up or start eating more until he started school. I think the time pressure and wanting to go out and play gave him a kick up the bum. He also barely ate anything at that age either, but he kept growing and now at 6 seems to have the opposite problem and I worry he is eating too much!

Your shit reading skills are not my problem. I really don’t have the patience to be polite when you’re being so bloody rude.

@Floooooof hope that happens here!

I'd say no TV on at all whilst he should be eating. Tell him once he's eaten breakfast he can have TV back on. I think he just concentrates on watching his programme and forgets he's supposed to be eating. I'd give him 15 minutes and remind him 2 or 3 times to eat up breakfast so we can have CBB's on. If he doesn't eat anything he doesn't get CBB's. He will learn to eat some breakfast to get his programme.

My DD is the same age and has similar issues with food and eating. She has sensory processing disorder. Could that be a potential reason for your DS? It might be worth exploring.

To be honest I don’t think so … I used to think all toddlers just sat at the table because, y’know, it was a non negotiable boundary and thought I was just a terrible parent. But I think for most - not all - it tends to be they either sit at the table and don’t eat much or they do what we do and are fed and then eat a decent amount. I’ll go for an easy ‘safe’ dinner if he’s feeling a bit dodgy.

I did read your posts op. It's not coming off well. You need to sit with him and teach him to eat, remind him to put food in his mouth, and you need to be patient. You're a mother and that's your job. If you just give some food in front of TV, of course he'll forget to eat as he's watching. Then your plan is if he doesnt finish youre taking it away?! Your excuse is you font have time. You need to prioritise and make this work instead of taking food away. Rude or not that's the truth and you coming here to ask this means you suspect that's wrong too.

To be honest I used to be like this. Still am a very slow eater but found a friend who eats at the same pace as me and we can sit chatting over a pizza for 3 hours.

I used to do it because food bored me. Couldn’t face the same things every single day. Nothing changed.
Porridge every day no matter how small a portion would be too much.

I am diagnosed with ADHD

For what it's worth my brother was a terrible eater, hospitalised, ongoing issues into adulthood etc.

When the doctor said to my mum we'll what will he eat, she said bacon and chocolate and the doctor said we'll that's what you give him then!

Obviously not all the time with no other food introductions but it helped get him started on eating more foods, quicker, and at set times.

We would just start the meals with his safe foods, make sure he got something in him, and let him pick at the rest.

So this may be outdated advice by now, but it's what we were told to do and it helped.

I feel your pain..my son is 10 and unless it is something he loves he takes FOREVER!!! He is very slight so I always encourage him to keep going. We start clear up around him but it is frustrating. I am worried about him having time to do his homework at secondary school as he can literally be there for an hour!

No, you did not read my post. I say quite clearly I don’t mind feeding him but he wouldn’t let me. However, he also wouldn’t eat it himself.

Like I say, if you’re going to be rude to someone at least check the post.

@Jimmyneutronsforehead One of the interesting things is ds doesn’t really have foods he’ll eat. He isn’t a fussy eater so much as an indifferent eater. He likes chocolate but even that doesn’t really motivate him. Unlike his mother!

I have 3 kids to get out the door to school in the mornings, and one who loves food most of the time but isn't a morning person so doesn't eat much for breakfast unless he's had a lie in on the weekend.

I say let him take his time when you don't have anywhere to be, and for when you have to rush out the door have stuff like fruit, chocolate brioche etc around that can be pecked at right up to leaving and even walked to preschool with!

On the school run I see plenty of kids getting rushed to school with toast or pancakes in their hands lol.

I used to take the attitude that it was my job to provide food, but not my job to force them to eat it. I used to clear up after 30 minutes.

He's 3,.for under 5s you look at the whole weeks calories not daily and full fat milk still counts as food. If he won't eat fruit give the squeeze baby pouches for desert. I'd go for 5 to 7 smaller meals too. Always give the snacks, tv helps as if they don't like eating they do it mindlessly. It's not like other children, I would have starved rather than eat a non safe food like ham that wasn't honey roasted. Ate some veg by 30. Still won't eat food I don't want, eg I don't believe leaves are food so will never even try lettuce or salad. Recently a wrap I bit into had lettuce in, it was disgusting and I don't believe we should eat that.

I've read your post and I still think of it as crap advice. You are not referring to 6/7 year old with the cognitive capability to understand why it's important sitting at the table to eat. You are talking about a 3 year old, a slow feeder and not much interested in food like many toddlers are.

It's much more important to relax and create the atmosphere where the child is comfortable eating food than creating extra stress when he's not interested in eating anyway. He will eventually learn to love food while sitting at the table without being "encouraged" this early on.

Look, we are all offering the OP our personal advice. There is great advice from many posters and while you and me disagree, it's up to the OP to do what she considers the best for her child. There is no point in you and me continuing answering each other while derailing the OP thread.

@IdaPolly i know … I’ve read that but the problem is while I agree forcing is never good (and counterproductive in fact) I think some kids do need encouragement and reminders. It’s difficult though.