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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To starve ds

228 replies

Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 07:57

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

OP posts:
Whinge · 12/12/2023 08:44

He just has food in front of CBeebies. He has eaten a mouse portion of cereal, so I’m wondering if he’s a bit unwell.

Well surely there's your answer. He's not eating becasue he's too busy watching TV.

willingtolearn · 12/12/2023 08:46

He's still very young and at an age where food is not always his top priority.

Children's appetite also vary hugely individually and at different phases - increase during growth phases and decrease when unwell.

Generally the best thing is

  1. Give him transition time - use visual reminders if that works for him but let him know it will be breakfast soon - maybe get him to put the oats into the pan or the porridge in the bowl.
  2. Role model - eat with him, chat, make it social
  3. Let him know what the time limit is - use a timer if needed, not for pressure, but to say - after this we need to do a,bc, - again a visual chart with tasks might help
  4. Accept however much he eats within the time period, trying desperately not to get stressed about it (ha ha ha)
  5. Move on to the next part of the day
  6. Don't worry about hunger - it is a normal part of life and a learning experience. It is also very individual and some people feel it more strongly than others. It will not hurt him long term to feel hungry occasionally (constantly is different)

Remember you choose the food, he chooses how much he eats.

BIWI · 12/12/2023 08:46

Well, for a start, stop putting the tv/iPad on in front of him! If he's at the table to eat, he stays at the table to eat. No other distractions.

But let him stay there as long as he wants - and let him eat as much as he wants.

We had similar issues with DS2, and it used to really stress me out. How he wouldn't eat, or how long it took him to eat (the same at school - he missed countless playtimes at lunch because of this!). Until, one day, I realised that he simply wasn't hungry. We're all conditioned that we have to eat at a certain time - but if you're not hungry at those times, you won't want to eat!

luckbealadytonight · 12/12/2023 08:47

I have a similar DS. He needs 45 minutes for lunch and dinner, so that's what I plan - it is tedious.

Breakfast is a bit quicker but not much. He eats his scrambled egg quickly, and will graze for an hour on the toast and fruit.

We have had great success with not always eating at the the table. If we are all eating together we sit at the table, but if he is eating separately he likes to stand on his learning tower at the kitchen side at eat as it's cooked and cut.

N4ish · 12/12/2023 08:56

Isn’t it obvious that he’s too distracted by watching tv to bother with eating? I think you need to try and have your meal at the same time as him. Obviously don’t sit there for an hour but it’s worth trying for 15 minutes or so to see if that helps.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 08:57

No ta @BIWI we’re fine with the TV. No iPad but then you’re the only one to mention one.

I think he may be under the weather- hard to know. Feel bad for getting a bit frustrated if he is though!

OP posts:
Whinge · 12/12/2023 09:01

No ta @BIWI we’re fine with the TV.

Surely it doesn't hurt to try turning the TV off and sitting with him at the table? Have some breakfast with him and you might find he's actually interested in eating. At the moment TV is far more interesting than eating, and i'm surprised you haven't made the connection between the screentime and lack of eating.

JamieKnows · 12/12/2023 09:05

Well it's obviously the telly but ok 🤣

EasternStandard · 12/12/2023 09:06

I agree with @BIWI it will help

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 12/12/2023 09:06

Honestly, just turn off the TV.

No TV unless he has time after eating breakfast and getting ready.

BIWI · 12/12/2023 09:07

JFC @Spinningscrewdriverss I only mentioned the iPad as I didn't want to assume it was the telly!

But if you don't want any advice, fair enough <shrugs>

Gnomegnomegnome · 12/12/2023 09:12

Surely it’s worth trying to sit at the table rather than in front of a screen?

I had a fussy eater and it was hard work but we found the bigger deal that we made of it the worse it was.

He’s three and looking to you to develop healthy eating habits. Sit with him at the table to eat your breakfast.

Hunkydory99 · 12/12/2023 09:14

How long has this been going on for? If a few days, he may be unwell? If longer, I understand your frustrations but they are so little!
try putting less food on their plate, it’s possible they are overwhelmed

NC098765 · 12/12/2023 09:15

I mean... It's clearly the TV lol. That's far more exciting than porridge. Sit him at the table. He's three, not a baby.

Bireadwhatiread · 12/12/2023 09:17

Slightly click baity title 😅. The key to anything is to stay calm and not make a big deal of it. They say kids won't let themselves starve- when they are hungry they will eat. You could try it and see how it goes?

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 09:22

Trust me , he doesn’t eat enough to keep an average sparrow alive if you enforce the whole sit at the table thing. He eats maybe two mouthfuls then gets down. When the tv is on hell generally eat all or most of his food. This morning was difficult but if he is a bit unwell that explains it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 09:24

@Bireadwhatiread - I think what’s interesting with ds is while he won’t starve he doesn’t eat close to enough, so that’s why I’ve always been a bit reluctant to go down that route.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 12/12/2023 09:27

The op has made it clear that in her specific case having TV off makes things worse not better. Strangely not all children are the same.

no point people keeping repeating “it’s the TV” when the person living it knows it’s not the TV and has clarified that at least twice

whatadaythatwas · 12/12/2023 09:29

So you know what to do, sit with him and encourage him, but refuse to alter your routine to allow for it, so your just 3 year old child doesn't eat til dinner time?

Nosleepforthismum · 12/12/2023 09:29

Would changing breakfast to “something on toast” help? My 2 year old is always a lot slower eating anything that involves cutlery and if it needs to be fast we opt for stuff he can pick up with his hands.

HippeePrincess · 12/12/2023 09:30

Things we have always done.
no tv/playing/getting down while it’s meal time, tv or chosen activity after the meal, might be a great motivator to get it eaten.
no snacking if it’s affecting meals.
serve smaller portions initially and top up with more if it’s eaten (seems to work that they eat more this way).
99% of the time we eat together but if they’re still carrying on when I’m finished I’ll sit a while or tidy up around them in the kitchen.
make no fuss about what’s not been eaten and I allow them to stop when they’re full.
he can’t be that hungry if he’s being that slow over meals, id probably clear the plates away when he’s just picking.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 09:33

whatadaythatwas · 12/12/2023 09:29

So you know what to do, sit with him and encourage him, but refuse to alter your routine to allow for it, so your just 3 year old child doesn't eat til dinner time?

Sometimes I read something and I am genuinely flummoxed as to how someone has interpreted a post that way.

I say - ‘if you sit with him it doesn’t work, he just eats a mouthful or two then gets down.’

You say ‘so you know what to do but won’t do it.’

And I say whaaaat?

Thanks @Sirzy . I think ds has always found it a bit too stressful at the table which I kind of understand as I used to hate family meals as a kid. He does sit and eat in restaurants and at nursery. And he will at home to be fair - just doesn’t bloody eat anything!

OP posts:
Ohhmydays · 12/12/2023 09:34

My ds1 +2 would eat me out of house and home if they could. Ds3 on the other hand is more of a grazer(he is only 1 and a half so could change) will only eat maybe 2/3 mouth fulls at a time then thats him for a good few hours. He loves fruit and veg though so will leave a small bowl of either on the side table in the living room for him to snack on changing it through out the day

willingtolearn · 12/12/2023 09:34

I do have to say that the first sign of illness in my children was reduced appetite - often a day or two before the 'main' symptoms.

Original poster
Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 09:37

willingtolearn · 12/12/2023 09:34

I do have to say that the first sign of illness in my children was reduced appetite - often a day or two before the 'main' symptoms.

Yes - I am anticipating a call any minute to collect him!

OP posts: