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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To starve ds

228 replies

Spinningscrewdriverss · 12/12/2023 07:57

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 14/12/2023 09:21

I know you said he's unwell and that probably didn't help but it also sounds like it's a bit of an ongoing issue too. My eldest used to take an age, so I know how frustrating it is! He eats like a horse now!
Is it the actual food do you think? My DS often didn't want milk on his cereal which then meant he could pick it up with his fingers instead. Or maybe offer something less conventional for breakfast, such as cheese and crackers with some cucumber/carrot/fruit - basically anything he likes! Same with his nursery lunch. Just a thought!
But yeah, I feel your pain. We resorted to sticker charts I think!

SmartLady · 14/12/2023 09:24

My DD takes forever to eat and she’s 6 now.
If it’s a meal we are all eating together then somebody stays with her till she’s finished. I find that reminding her to concentrate on her food is good. If it’s a meal where we aren’t all sat together (eg breakfast on a busy morning) then we just leave her to it and get everything done around her.
I have to say that she’s much slower with the TV so we don’t let her watch it while eating. This is just my experience.

Theunamedcat · 14/12/2023 09:28

If he is normally like this then I'm afraid it doesn't get better until adulthood if ever my dd used to eat slow to the degree I woukd pop her at the kitchen table with her food and go tidy up the rest of the house but she would sit there and solidly plug her way through ds 1 is a slow and steady eater who seems to prefer cold food ds2 often isn't bothered about food but he can snack for England he is a tall strip of nothing but he can eventually eat an entire pizza to himself

I'm at the stage now where I let them carry on as long as food goes in I'm not bothered

catbuttonmyhead · 14/12/2023 09:28

@Spinningscrewdriverss I haven't been able to read the entire thread. but I just want to say we had similar.

we spoke with an occupational therapist who suggested that the table was the wrong height and the seat was uncomfortable (it was an IKEA toddler seat) - once we adjusted the height of his seat he was much more comfortable at the table. He wasn't writing well either.

Apparently most kids sit at the table with their elbows at awkwardly angles and it aches.

We also had to ask him / keep a diary of which food textures he liked and which textures he avoided.

In no time, he was eating more food! Now he's 10 he eats it all with no issues.

😊 sorry if already mentioned though. Best wishes!

Heyahun · 14/12/2023 09:33

omg my nearly 3 year old takes FOREVER to eat - we are only together 3 days a week for meals anyway as shes at nursery - so eats there and we have a snack together in the evening!

When its my day off or we are having dinner as a family at the weekend we all eat together and when i'm finished i sit there for max 10 more minutes with her then i start tidying up / filling dishwasher and leave her to it and she eventually finishes - it can take an hour sometimes - but i don't see the point in getting stressed about it or putting pressure on her

if i have somewhere to be - i take lunch on the go and she can eat it in the buggy or whatever

LimeAnkles · 14/12/2023 09:49

As the parent of a now adult son, we had a 3 year battle about mealtimes and how much he wasn't eating.

My mum was of the generation "you'll sit there til it's eaten or you'll get it for breakfast" which was no help at all.

Luckily, I did have a no nonsense health visitor who was amazing. She came to my house over the course of a week at different mealtimes to observe what was going on.

I was overwhelming him with portion sizes, not giving him enough time to eat, and not listening to him if he said he wasn't hungry. This was causing us both massive stress and I dreaded mealtimes.

We went to 'picnic' food which was put out and he ate what he wanted at that time but instead of throwing it out it was put in a container on his play table and he could go back to it. Which he did. When he was hungry.

Less stress for all concerned and as soon as I got over the 'hes not eating 3 meals a day' line that my mum had fed to me, life became a lot easier at mealtimes.

Alondra · 14/12/2023 10:17

Spinningscrewdriverss · 14/12/2023 08:09

There have been a number of posts laying into me for shouting and stressing at ds, which I wasn’t! And then a fixation on the TV.

I do acknowledge I was unnecessarily stressing. I still wish he’d eat independently without me but we’ll get there.

Take the few posts helping you and disregard the rest. Most of the time, Mumsnet, specially AIBU is awful to mums/single parents/any female with a serious issue, anyway.

Don't apologise for stressing. It's a nightmare when your toddler won't eat or eat only certain foods day in and day out. If your little one is sick, it aggravates the problem ---he won't be interested in food. As long as he drinks plenty and eats something, he'll be ok. With children this small, eating like a sparrow won't affect his health, dehydration on the contrary will cause problems.

Relax, patience and take your cues from him. In a few years time he'll be emptying your fridge and you'd be shaking your head smiling remembering this time.

Stringylaydee · 14/12/2023 12:22

Not something and adult would do? really I do this. I struggle to eat and remember to eat.
sometimes I don't feel hungry and don't want to. so I don't im an adult I can do as I please.

but its My body that does this, I have Adhd doesn't mean I was a loud kid, it effects my memory, my appetite.

My partner reminds me to eat and drink.

yes not having distractions makes it easier to do things but not always possible.

I found small snacks around me through the day help. bit not always. I always carry dry cereal or nice fruit incase I can eat or want to eat.

After seeing this post I had a look at what I are this week, as I have to record it for my specialist.

this is from the past week including today.

1 chip butty (small)
1 slice of home made pizza
1 sausage roll
3 baby carrots (frozen)
3 small broccoli chunks (frozen)
1 chicken wrap. (small)

I have a cup of tea maybe twice a week then I drink about 500ml to a 1ltr of water.

I'm not saying this is great but I was undiagnosed for 30 years and this is how I always lived.

don't be like my parents give him freedom, and body double him it will make life much easier for him. it helps with alot of anexity

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 12:52

I had no idea that having ADHD affected your appetite. Are there no foods that you especially like @Stringylaydee?

fishonabicycle · 14/12/2023 14:11

ADHD medication suppresses appetite.

RampantIvy · 14/12/2023 14:26

I had no idea. Thank you @fishonabicycle.

AnythingBUTnursing · 14/12/2023 14:54

Both my kids were the same until about 4. I just sucked it up and fed them. Soon grow out it. Just roll with it. Don't stress and it will soon pass. Just feed him if he will allow. We had to do all sorts of silly games just to get them to eat. Now they are 5 and 7 with very little issues associated with food. Good luck!

Hill1991 · 14/12/2023 16:42

Is he more of a grazer if so have a picky tea that he can pick at through the afternoon/early evening, you might find he prefers this x

aname1234 · 14/12/2023 22:58

I found the less effort i put into cooking the more DC ate! Raw carrots with salad cream, raw tomatoes, plain pasta, cheese - done! No snacks between meals. Good luck, it ain't easy.

Charlotte19891 · 15/12/2023 05:51

Take the cbeebies away, hes distracted by the TV. To engrossed in the tv to remember he is meant to be eating.

isthismylifenow · 15/12/2023 06:13

I haven't read all of the replies OP.

Had the same issue with my ds. Wouldn't eat at home but ate well at nursery and other places like parties etc. I put it down to competition or seeing others eat. The game changer for us may be quite drastic lol but when dd came along and started weaning onto solids I would sit them together to eat. She always had a marvelous appetite, and I think the peer pressure there just caused him to eat. I also realised how much pressure and stress meal times were, and when dd came along I just didn't have the time to sit with him and coax, bribe etc.

A small snack box type meal might be the way to go. Don't overwhelm him with a large amount. Just put in what you know he will like and has some nutritional value (cut up fruit, toast, bits of cheese etc) and then gradually add other stuff in. I even resorted to making faces from the food so first to eat the eyes, then the nose etc.

I remember very vividly how stressful the time was though.

LilySLE · 15/12/2023 06:58

I totally hear where you’re coming from as my daughter is like this too and it’s so frustrating.
I take it there’s no possibility of neurodiversity? My daughter is autistic and suspected ADHD and with her I’m sure these things are connected with the slow eating. She doesn’t really have any sense of urgency or purpose with tasks and even though the food is in front of her if her brain is whizzing away on something else she is just not focussed on eating it.

Benibidibici · 15/12/2023 07:02

I have a child like this.

The older i get, the more i realise its because

she is not hungry.

Hungry children eat, and eat quickly. Toddlers and preschoolers grow in fits and starts and i think when they are not really on a growth start they can eat far less food than you'd expect.

How this plays out is that my dc cannot have any snacks at all between meals or she won't eat the meals. She doesn't need the snacks.

SherbetDips · 15/12/2023 07:04

30 min timer, put on some kids music. Leave him to get on with it. Don’t make it an issue, try to relax and offer fruit and yogurt after. And avoid between meal snacks.

jhy · 15/12/2023 11:08

My ds is the same. He is hungry, there's no way he can't be, but meal times he's still faffing around, and sometimes it takes like 1 hour to finish his tea. Makes me want to tear my hair out !!

jhy · 15/12/2023 11:09

Meant to add. He can soon feed himself cake and ice cream. And finish that in minutes!

Copasetic · 15/12/2023 17:06

Just 3?! Come back to us when he’s 13 and still doing it!

Katemax82 · 15/12/2023 17:42

just let him eat at his pace. trust me, I had issus with my 2 stepsons around eating so my punishment was to be gifted a son who refuses to eat some days (like at all) and wont eat if im not there or at school. looking back I shouldnt have made an issue of my stepsons eating little and slowly

AnonoMisss · 16/12/2023 08:10

Theunamedcat · 12/12/2023 08:06

To START eating? If someone put food infront of me and ten minutes later I hadn't even tried it they would be asking what's wrong with it

Show quote history

They obviously mean for a child not an adult which is completely different 🙄

Mumto6ac · 16/12/2023 08:37

Just put the food in front of him, put his favourite cartoon on & leave him to eat.
I wouldn’t even dream of taking food away unless it’s been there for an hour or something. I’ve always found that most young children take forever to eat a meal. We started using ‘when you’ve eaten your dinner we will play football/go for a walk/play a game/read a book’ to encourage them to eat a bit quicker to do their favourite activity