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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel deflated after a charity xmas do hearing a paid worker saying it was a 'free lunch' for them?

437 replies

YNK · 11/12/2023 23:45

I had an injury and joined a great charity group a few years ago to meet for coffee once a week and to enjoy activities and support each other.

Some members are in residential care due to the severity of their condition so they are always accompanied by carers, others have fully recovered.
Members pay for activities and weekly meetings and pay happily and willingly for the chance to meet and socialise.

Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

I feel grubby now and I'm thinking of leaving the group - AIBU?

OP posts:
tomatoontoast · 11/12/2023 23:49

You might care about the cause and the charity but it doesn't mean the carers have too.

It's not ideal you overheard their comments but does it really matter when I presume they did their jobs as required?

Leave the group if you want but I think you would only be inconviencing yourself.

Lifelessonstoremember · 11/12/2023 23:49

I don't think there was any harm meant at all.

Poetnojo · 11/12/2023 23:51

Was it a free lunch for them? If so they were just stating a fact.

Extrasprinklesplz · 11/12/2023 23:52

I understand both sides really. Can see why you would feel that way but equally they're just going to work. It's like any other work thing and sometimes you don't want to go but you just go anyway because it's a work thing, and that even applies to non compulsory work things like after work meals or whatever so could definitely feel it for real work days. Sometimes you're just ready for your days off and they can't come soon enough, even sometimes for people who usually enjoy their jobs day to day.

Mumof2teens79 · 11/12/2023 23:52

Not sure I am following the compensation and them us part?

So it's a support group run as a charity.
Some members need carers, others are recovered.
There was a Christmas meal, members of the group paid for their meals. Paid carers who were there to assist got a free meal.
Were you expecting carers to pay for themselves? Or not to eat?

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2023 23:54

I can’t see anything wrong with that comment. They’re employees and they’re there in the course of their employment. I’d be more upset if they were dissing the free lunch.

WhateverMate · 11/12/2023 23:55

Who doesn't love a free lunch at work? Xmas Confused

Ohtobetwentytwo · 11/12/2023 23:55

Carers are employees and being paid to be there. Of course the food will be expensed. Did you think they would pay?

Original poster
YNK · 11/12/2023 23:55

Yes it was a fact, and before my injury I had a position where I attended events in a similar capacity but I felt privileged and honoured to be invited, not that it was a compensation.

I really don't feel this was a comment in the xmas spirit at all.

OP posts:
Dillane · 11/12/2023 23:55

Get a grip OP 🙄

HeddaGarbled · 11/12/2023 23:57

They weren’t “invited”. They were obliged to be there under the terms of their employment.

Original poster
YNK · 11/12/2023 23:57

This comment came from carers who were not actively assisting anyone today.

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 11/12/2023 23:58

YNK · 11/12/2023 23:55

Yes it was a fact, and before my injury I had a position where I attended events in a similar capacity but I felt privileged and honoured to be invited, not that it was a compensation.

I really don't feel this was a comment in the xmas spirit at all.

But why would anyone feel privileged and honoured if they have to go due to the fact it's work for them?

Or have I misunderstood and they were a select few that were invited but not getting paid for their time?

WhateverMate · 11/12/2023 23:58

YNK · 11/12/2023 23:57

This comment came from carers who were not actively assisting anyone today.

So who asked them to be there and were they not getting paid?

Sorry, it's not very clear?

tomatoontoast · 11/12/2023 23:59

'Not in the Christmas spirit'

You sound like hard work op.

tescocreditcard · 11/12/2023 23:59

This thread is weird. Like the charity christmas bake sale thread.

Singingseals · 11/12/2023 23:59

Another one confused as to what you are upset about - the carers are presumably there as part of their job and absolutely should get their lunch paid for. Or do you think they should pay themselves? It’s great that you and others feel supported and get value from the group, but for the carers it’s a job like any other.

WandaWonder · 12/12/2023 00:00

YNK · 11/12/2023 23:55

Yes it was a fact, and before my injury I had a position where I attended events in a similar capacity but I felt privileged and honoured to be invited, not that it was a compensation.

I really don't feel this was a comment in the xmas spirit at all.

it works both ways, your thread is not in the Christmas spirit

Goldcrestonabranch · 12/12/2023 00:03

I honestly do not understand why you have an issue with the carers getting a free lunch. Your post doesn't make a lot of sense 🤔

SM4713 · 12/12/2023 00:03

I too am utterly confused by the drip feed.

'The carers are complaining about a free lunch, Oh, but they weren't actually working today.' 😕

Please be clear OP and explain what you actually mean???

PickAChew · 12/12/2023 00:04

They're hardly going to be listing the "free lunch" alongside other perks like a company yacht and free private health care for their families.

Soonenough · 12/12/2023 00:05

Carers who need to accompany an individual will often have a fund to compensate them for these
type of events . If a disabled person has access to money and wants their carer to take them to the cinema , restaurant, etc. of course they pick up the tab . That is what their money is for.

The Carers at this event did not choose to attend but it is part of their job . You can't expect them to pay out of their own minimum wages. This is normal and expected arrangements. I suggest you need to be a bit more realistic and consider that Carers are doing a great job and a free meal occasionally is a nice perk at Xmas.

WandaWonder · 12/12/2023 00:06

OP I am wondering are you going to drip feed you have Autism, ADHD or any other diagnosed reason why you are saying this?

Cupcakekiller · 12/12/2023 00:06

Caring is a tough job and usually underpaid. You'd begrudge them a free Xmas meal?

crumblingschools · 12/12/2023 00:07

Who paid for their lunch?