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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel deflated after a charity xmas do hearing a paid worker saying it was a 'free lunch' for them?

437 replies

YNK · 11/12/2023 23:45

I had an injury and joined a great charity group a few years ago to meet for coffee once a week and to enjoy activities and support each other.

Some members are in residential care due to the severity of their condition so they are always accompanied by carers, others have fully recovered.
Members pay for activities and weekly meetings and pay happily and willingly for the chance to meet and socialise.

Some members have suffered and been compensated legally for injuries caused and many are now financially secure and if assistance is provided, I feel this 'them and us' divide is hurtful.

After a very nice xmas lunch, as we were leaving a group of paid carers could be heard saying it was at least a decent 'free lunch'

I feel grubby now and I'm thinking of leaving the group - AIBU?

OP posts:
PlacidPenelope · 13/12/2023 17:05

OP may very well be a dick. She may be really nice. We weren’t talking about her though we were discussing the ill mannered lunch guest who upset her. The guy may be perfectly harmless in other circumstances but in this instance he caused upset by being totally thoughtless. He did that knowing the audience.

The OP was not the audience the man was talking to another group of people, not the OP. The OP overhead part of what he said not what words preceded the part she overhead and did not hear what had been said beforehand by others in the group, nor how they replied it would appear.

The OP put 2+2 together and came up with 50 from those eight words made a judgement without any context but determined the man was rude, ungrateful, horrible, etc.

Snatches of other people's conversations are not reliable much like the OP who has changed the story several times.

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 19:26

The very term "dissolving the glue" that bonded the group shows how OTT ridiculous OP is being. An overheard/eavesdropped comment by a man she doesn't know, who isn't part of her group of friends (the care recipients), can do that? More like dissolving her fantasy that the carers are her friends who should at the same time be humbly grateful for the bounty of a - gasp! - free lunch.

Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 19:28

TomeTome · 13/12/2023 13:09

I’m very happy to be “strange” to people able or disabled who think this is normal and acceptable behaviour.

I am with you. If op thought it was rude then I trust that she heard enough to make that judgement.

Ramalangadingdong · 13/12/2023 19:33

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 19:26

The very term "dissolving the glue" that bonded the group shows how OTT ridiculous OP is being. An overheard/eavesdropped comment by a man she doesn't know, who isn't part of her group of friends (the care recipients), can do that? More like dissolving her fantasy that the carers are her friends who should at the same time be humbly grateful for the bounty of a - gasp! - free lunch.

Op sounds like someone who needs support not opprobrium. Us posters have taken it all too seriously. It would have cost us nothing to reassure her that his words probably sounded worse than intended. We could say something that would make a person who has obviously been through so much feel better about the situation.

Catsmere · 13/12/2023 19:35

OP's been changing her story and talking nonsense about carers being insufficiently grateful - no, I don't feel the need to Be Kind when she comes on here to complain.

Isthisexpected · 13/12/2023 23:01

I hope you don't leave the group OP. The people you are friends with and the genuine connections you have made are still real, to be treasured and represent something about the recovery journey you've been through and everything you've overcome with support. I wouldn't let the comment of someone so rude they don't even know they're an ungrateful dick ruin if for you!

sadeyedladyofthelowlandsea · 14/12/2023 00:07

@tometome I'm still waiting for you to explain the opening post to those of us (the majority) who find the OP confusing & contradictory. Should I leave mumsnet & the support here because you said something I don't like?

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 14/12/2023 00:33

Is it nearly 48 hours since the OP last commented ?

Catsmere · 14/12/2023 01:44

A flounce! A flounce! 😆

Lifeasiknowitisout · 14/12/2023 02:29

TomeTome · 13/12/2023 16:38

Your guess is just as valid as any other.

All guesses are valid.

However, people can challenge them especially when someone insist some in the story is a dick with no evidence at all.

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 14/12/2023 04:14

But op 'sounds lovely' so it muussstt be true!!! No evidence needed okay!!
I never get why people put that 'oh op you sound lovely' 🤨 what from 1 maybe 2 posts of self adulation!

Ohtobetwentytwo · 14/12/2023 12:39

Reading your updates, I think what you actually feel is upset/discomfort that the carers are not your "equals", that they arent there for fun and games and to be part of the group but instead might find it a chore to be there, hence the being paid part.

Would that be a fair summary?

That youre upset that the spirit you wanted, that you were all friends together, has been tarnished with the reality?

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