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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how to get my husband to stop singing.

177 replies

Imevery · 09/12/2023 14:31

My husband is a very nice person. (He’s also bloody annoying a lot of the time, and I’m sure I am too.) About 18 months ago he took up the guitar as a hobby. I’m glad he has a hobby but he plays it about 4 hours a day all round the house, not very well but bearable. Worse, he sings along and he has a terrible out of tune singing voice. He also has ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria so gets really upset at any suggestion that he can’t sing as he really likes music. It’s torture. I am quite musical, can sing well and have recently taken up a new instrument but I practise for an hour a day in a room with a closed door. He is driving me potty. How do I deal with this without hurting his feelings, I’m worried one day I’m going to snap and it will lead to a huge row and he’ll be really hurt.

OP posts:
literalviolence · 09/12/2023 15:46

I'd focus on the practical request. He doesn't have to be good to sing so avoid any mention of his talent level. Just ask him to always play in a room with the door shut. That's a perfectly reasonable request. If he reacts badly to that, you have an OH problem.

Nanny0gg · 09/12/2023 15:47

Imevery · 09/12/2023 14:31

My husband is a very nice person. (He’s also bloody annoying a lot of the time, and I’m sure I am too.) About 18 months ago he took up the guitar as a hobby. I’m glad he has a hobby but he plays it about 4 hours a day all round the house, not very well but bearable. Worse, he sings along and he has a terrible out of tune singing voice. He also has ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria so gets really upset at any suggestion that he can’t sing as he really likes music. It’s torture. I am quite musical, can sing well and have recently taken up a new instrument but I practise for an hour a day in a room with a closed door. He is driving me potty. How do I deal with this without hurting his feelings, I’m worried one day I’m going to snap and it will lead to a huge row and he’ll be really hurt.

Say you want to listen to the radio so please could he play in another room.

IGotItFromAgnes · 09/12/2023 15:50

Even if he was the best singer in the world I wouldn’t want to listen to it for 4 hours a day.

Agree with others who say that to suggest a dedicated practise room. And also second the suggestion for singing lessons - not least because if he is singing for 4 hours a day with incorrect technique, that could actually damage his vocal cords.

Cheeesus · 09/12/2023 15:54

Just tell him you need some quiet.

treeees · 09/12/2023 15:56

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

This. RSD can be cripplingly bad for some people with ADHD.

SgtBilko · 09/12/2023 15:57

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 15:27

Because if you give everything a label nothing is ever anyone’s fault.

Show quote history

First of all, not everything ‘has a label’ and secondly, people still have responsibility for their behaviour.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 09/12/2023 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you mocking a genuine disability?

Really?

Reported.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 09/12/2023 16:00

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

I have reported every one of them.

Vile.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 09/12/2023 16:01

@Mummymummy89

Do you also think everyone who is sad has depression?

FizzyStream · 09/12/2023 16:02

TheShellBeach · 09/12/2023 15:06

Why are PP mocking RSD?
It's a well known profile with people who have ADHD.

I have ADHD and RSD and am surprised at the mocking of that in this thread. Thought Mumsnet was inclusive? Or is that only for ethnicities and genders?

newyearsresolurion · 09/12/2023 16:04

Rejection sensitivity what??? Am learning everyday indeed

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 09/12/2023 16:05

I apologise to Admins for the number of reports I have made, but every one was valid.
All you who have mocked disability are utterly vile.

OP I am so sorry that your question was derailed by these bigots.

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 16:06

Surely we are all sensitive to rejection? Why is one person’s sensitivity so important it has to be labelled? How does life work for those who mustn’t be rejected? Genuine question

keye · 09/12/2023 16:06

I have RSD. I also have ADHD and autism.

The RSD comes from being rejected, multiple times throughout my childhood, by my own mother. Perhaps if I didn't have ADHD and if I wasn't autistic I would be completely unaffected by the abandonment but as it turns out it fucking broke me.

Im sorry OP I would probably ask this is deleted as it's never going to get back on track with these nasty posts Sad

keye · 09/12/2023 16:07

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 16:06

Surely we are all sensitive to rejection? Why is one person’s sensitivity so important it has to be labelled? How does life work for those who mustn’t be rejected? Genuine question

You know when something affects someone more than someone else? Like you don't want to be rejected but you might shoot your shot whereas I will be vomiting in the corner with fear?

Yeah; that. That's why it needs to be labelled.

Nanny0gg · 09/12/2023 16:08

keye · 09/12/2023 16:07

You know when something affects someone more than someone else? Like you don't want to be rejected but you might shoot your shot whereas I will be vomiting in the corner with fear?

Yeah; that. That's why it needs to be labelled.

Show quote history

What treatment/therapy is there for it? (If any)

AmyDudley · 09/12/2023 16:10

suggest duetting with him, you sing in tune and it might help him keep on the notes if you sing loud enough. Then suggest that four hours a day is too much practice, he will make more improvement if he practises in a more focused way for a shorter amount of time.

keye · 09/12/2023 16:10

@Nanny0gg

I'm not an expert. I have no idea.

Renamed · 09/12/2023 16:12

OP are you sure that you don’t have rejection sensitivity dysphoria? Because listening to something you can’t bear for HOURS every day must significantly affect your quality of life, but instead of explaining you do need some peace you are tying yourself into a knot about displeasing your husband, which does seem to tick boxes for this condition. My question would be, why you are putting your needs on a lower level than his?
Suggestions for having a “music” room seem very sensible- you don’t have to tell him he’s crap.

Keilagh · 09/12/2023 16:13

Hastheslotharrivedyet · 09/12/2023 15:38

Exactly. She’s putting up with “torture” in case he gets upset. How the fuck does he cope in life. I’d take the guitar into the garden and lob it

Show quote history

You’d take it into the garden and lob it? You sound awfully controlling.

It’s possible to gently raise an issue with somebody without hurting their feelings - or destroying their possessions for that matter.

bonzaitree · 09/12/2023 16:15

ADHD?

He’ll have forgotten all about this hobby in about a month and the guitar will be gathering dust in your back bedroom.

Ride it out for now. The next obsession could be worse

IGotItFromAgnes · 09/12/2023 16:16

@bonzaitree OP said he’s been doing it for 18 months - this seems to be one of the ones that sticks (unfortunately for OP)

greencheetah · 09/12/2023 16:19

I would have to kill him if he wouldn’t shut up. It would drive me crazy.

Agree with PP, no need to tell him he sucks, just that there’s a time and a place, and if he deviates from that, he dies 😂

LakeTiticaca · 09/12/2023 16:20

This reply has been deleted

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I think my OH suffers with this 🤣

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