To ask how to get my husband to stop singing.

[Imevery]

My husband is a very nice person. (He’s also bloody annoying a lot of the time, and I’m sure I am too.) About 18 months ago he took up the guitar as a hobby. I’m glad he has a hobby but he plays it about 4 hours a day all round the house, not very well but bearable. Worse, he sings along and he has a terrible out of tune singing voice. He also has ADHD and Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria so gets really upset at any suggestion that he can’t sing as he really likes music. It’s torture. I am quite musical, can sing well and have recently taken up a new instrument but I practise for an hour a day in a room with a closed door. He is driving me potty. How do I deal with this without hurting his feelings, I’m worried one day I’m going to snap and it will lead to a huge row and he’ll be really hurt.

I’m allowed to be surprised it has a name. Not sure where the mocking comes in.

The point isn't that you're sensitive to rejection, of course we all are. It's that you feel rejected when you aren't being. So if this case "you sound terrible" a normal reaction might be, "yeah I know, I can't sing but I'm trying". Someone with rsd might think "she says I sound terrible, she probably hates me, she probably doesn't love me any more, everybody thinks I'm stupid, I have no friends, I'm such a failure and I'm definitely never gojng to play or sing again" etc etc. Op is trying to handle this without triggering this overreaction in her dp. In your examples it would be more like pain aversion disorder because someone gently touched you, bereavement grief disorder if someone just gets a cold, hunger despite havi v just eaten plentiful amounts etc

You should tell him he can't hold a tune. It is information he needs to have. Singing lessons might help. As for rejection sensitivity disorder, WTAF?

Or a shed at the bottom of the garden.

@TulipCat that's what I was thinking

My Mum sounded like a cat being strangled when she was singing and she knew it because she had been told so only ever sang when nobody was around. Tell your Grown adult Husband that he can't sing and you will not listen to that torture any longer. Marriage doesn't mean you have to suffer.

As someone with adhd, this made me laugh too. 😂

Could you not encourage him to enter Britain's Got Talent? At least then, Simon Cowell can do your dirty work for you!

Please don’t encourage him to inflict his singing on the whole neighbourhood.

Surely when you love someone you like to hear them happy? Perhaps that's how you should broach the topic: "I love to hear you happy and singing but I can't hear myself think! Please could you confine your music-making to the music room?"

It's rude to make so much noise in a house you share with someone else anyway. Agree on a set time that he can practice, or he needs to do it when you're out.

It's nothing to do with whether he's good or bad at singing. He just needs to be considerate. If he can't do that - whether that's because of his diagnosis or any other reason - it's likely that you won't be compatible long term if it bothers you this much.

Wow what a hideously offensive and ablest thread this has become!!!

Seriously a significant number of posters should be ashamed of themselves!!!

Just because you haven't heard of something doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

None of you have the foggiest idea of what living with RSD is truly like.

EDUCATE YOURSELVES!!!

My mum has RSD as well as ADHD. People on here can be so vile when discussing any level of neurodiversity.

Yes, no one likes being rejected. The difference is that my mum thinks that people hate her and that she’s worthless, if they happen to glance in her direction and she misinterprets it as them glowering at her. If a friend is ill and cancels a meet up it genuinely feels like she is detested by everyone. I spend a lot of time convincing my mum that she is loved and wanted. It’s not her fault she reacts this way, but equally if she used this disorder to excuse bad behaviour on her part then that wouldn’t be ok either. It’s not about shifting ‘blame’, it’s about being respectful and mindful of how others may feel if they are unable to regulate their emotions like neurotypical people.

The sloth person has suggested control, manipulation and violence as suitable responses, as well as mocked a legitimate condition. They need to look up “Anti-Social Personality Disorder” and “Sociopathy”, though I imagine they think they aren’t real either.

We'll yes, if they have one that would be even better

RSD is an extreme reaction to rejection, above the norm. Intense shame, fear of abandonment and the inability to react proportionately to the issue. It's the disproportionate response that's the issue and it can be quite debilitating for the sufferer and those close to them.

So that means you can never say anything negative to people with it?

If you don't tell him he's terrible, someone else will. It's just a matter of time.
I'd record him and play it back. He has to understand.

Encourage him to sing in the car instead. I can't hold a tune in a bucket, but singing cheers me up so I sing in the car where no-one can hear me.

what i do for my DP is to tape his mouth shut

Thank you.
Ironically, this thread has triggered my RSD. If it was funny, I'd laugh 😒

Not at all. It just means they will have an irrationally severe reaction to your negative comment and there is nothing you or they can do about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

What a better world we would live in if people educated themselves before commenting their hateful opinion