Friend asking for loan. Knows I can 'afford it'. Went about it all wrong.

[edelweissnights]

A friend called me up and asked me for a loan... after about an hour of chit-chat (which was largely regarding my grief as I have recently lost someone). It wasn't so much a loan, but a desperate plea to pay his mortgage and kids' school fees. He is starting his own business (after jacking in a £120k + London city job) and basically said he needed the money.... yesterday. Since someone very close to me (family) passed, I've been getting a few of these calls from 'friends', albeit not people who were my friends - but my relative's friend. He knows I'm 'good for it' as it is somewhat obvious/is 'public' (if you search for it). I wish he hadn't spent an hour asking about 'the estate' (which is now the name instead of my relative's actual name) as it seems he was just fishing for intel. Also, to call someone up and put them on the spot is just mad.

I have a long term partner, but no children and he kept saying how 'lucky' I was to not have the life he does as children are expensive etc... but to be honest, I do not feel lucky after the year I've had and the things I have been through. Of course children are expensive. I understand that - and respect that.

I am not even sure I would get the money back but he assured me I would within a few weeks. It's not a number to smirk at either. The way he went about it was so so wrong though. He said: "If only I knew someone who would lend me the money... oh wait..! You're childfree! Lucky you! You must have lots of disposable income!!" (Even inheritance aside, I wouldn't have 'loads' of disposable income and the number still remains slightly eye-watering). It was the fact that he kept repeating: "If only I had a way to get the money...." He sounded desperate, but I hate how horrible he made me feel and how badly he went about everything. AIBU to say no - even without giving a reason?

By all and any gods and none, do not lend the money.

What an absolute cheeky cunt. He's not even on the bones of his arse, he just feels entitled to your money because you have no children!

I'd honestly just block him and never speak to him again. Horrible, horrible man.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I hope you said no?

Sounds like he didnt actually come out and ask you but kept hinting. Presumably you didn’t to anything. If he calls again just say “oh dear, sounds tough, no one’s going to be able to lend that kind of money, you’ll have to pull the kids from school”. If he asks outright tell him you haven’t got the money yet and it’s your money, not his.

Or block him.

You are NOT being unreasonable in the slightest to say no without giving a reason. Please don’t lend the money.

He's not a friend. Friends don't prey on grieving people to try to get money out of them to cover for their poor life choices.

No! You don’t owe him anything!

Exactly what I was about to say.

No way. I have had kids in private schools- no way would I ask for help with fees from friends. The school will most likely have a hardship fund anyway

Screw him! He can put his kids in state school if he can't pay the fees. He chose to have kids. You're not 'lucky' and you don't owe him anything. Except a vehement v-sign!

He sounds absolutely awful, saying how lucky you are not to have children... he chose to have his! Definitely do not lend a bean. The hinting would piss me off more than an honest request. The bloody entitlement!

Text him 'I don't feel very lucky after the year I've had especially having now lost my relative. Please don't say things like that. It comes across very insensitive.'

What the fuck? Why didn't you put the phone down on him? He has given up a well-paid job to work for himself, knowing full well that 99% of small businesses fail in the first year and he wants you to bail him out with your inheritance? Honestly, I would've told him to fuck off. What kind of irresponsible idiot leaves his job when his children are in private education?

It was the fact that he kept repeating: "If only I had a way to get the money...." He sounded desperate

He was desperate. You weren't getting the hint, and that's why he had to keep repeating himself. You know he would've been saying to himself for God's sake woman, just fucking get the hint and give me the money?

I really hope you haven't given them a penny and hope you have blocked him and anyone else like him.

He doesn't sound like a real friend.

It sounds like he wants you to use your inheritance to subsidise his life choices. Don't rise to any hints. If you want a vague, noncommittal response just say that you are not in a position to help. You don't need to explain why.

If you did want to help, he should pay for the legal loan agreement to be written up (I bet he wouldn't like this!)

To be honest, if you help him with the money you'll probably lose the friendship when you ask for repayments.

If you've lost someone close to you the best advice is usually to wait a year before making big decisions, and spend time with supportive people. Think about how you feel after interacting with people. If you have people in your life who make you feel better, great. If they're draining, look after yourself and avoid them. Take care.

He’s a fortune hunter. You can say no if you want to. Do not be guilt tripped.

The thing is children are expensive, but he gave up his job and he could in fact send his children to public school. I do not think he is as desperate for mortgage and school fess as he says. He is fleecing you, or at least trying. Do not fall foul of his manipulation.

He is not a friend don't give him a penny. I would seriously consider blocking and deleting him on everything

And jacking in his city job shouldn't qualify as hardship, just as dumb when he has big bills to pay.

Don't lend what you can't afford to lose is a saying I'll always stick by

This ghoul is a Grade-A predator and manipulator. Sadly for him he’s not as good at it as he imagines

You could send him some LinkedIn listings for similar jobs to the one he gave up.

Do not send him any money. If you happen to be feeling charitable there are far far worthier causes.

Do not lend this money.

And he is not a friend.

Mind yourself, OP. you have had a loss and now you are seeing how some people are not nice. But they are not all people. Try to surround yourself with real friends and concentrate on your partner if they are good to you. And please feel no worries whatsoever for cutting this guy - or other similar people - off with a "Sorry but I cannot lend you any money. I need to go now"

Do not give this cf anything. Nada. Niet. Nichts.
I am horrified that anyone would think this is a reasonable ask, never mind the most awful way it was done. A swift, fuck off is the required reply.

Say no.

Do not lend the money he is a cheeky bastard!

Please don’t do this. ‘No I can’t, it’s all accounted for’.

The absolute cheek!

And you won’t get it back

And he sucks as a father giving up a well paid job to set up a business without being able to support his kids. You start a business as a side hustle. Sooner he goes back to work the better for his family.

Definitely don't muddy the waters of a 'friendship' (however questionable) by loaning money. Your friend sounds vulgar.

I'm sorry for your loss 😔