Friend asking for loan. Knows I can 'afford it'. Went about it all wrong.

[edelweissnights]

A friend called me up and asked me for a loan... after about an hour of chit-chat (which was largely regarding my grief as I have recently lost someone). It wasn't so much a loan, but a desperate plea to pay his mortgage and kids' school fees. He is starting his own business (after jacking in a £120k + London city job) and basically said he needed the money.... yesterday. Since someone very close to me (family) passed, I've been getting a few of these calls from 'friends', albeit not people who were my friends - but my relative's friend. He knows I'm 'good for it' as it is somewhat obvious/is 'public' (if you search for it). I wish he hadn't spent an hour asking about 'the estate' (which is now the name instead of my relative's actual name) as it seems he was just fishing for intel. Also, to call someone up and put them on the spot is just mad.

I have a long term partner, but no children and he kept saying how 'lucky' I was to not have the life he does as children are expensive etc... but to be honest, I do not feel lucky after the year I've had and the things I have been through. Of course children are expensive. I understand that - and respect that.

I am not even sure I would get the money back but he assured me I would within a few weeks. It's not a number to smirk at either. The way he went about it was so so wrong though. He said: "If only I knew someone who would lend me the money... oh wait..! You're childfree! Lucky you! You must have lots of disposable income!!" (Even inheritance aside, I wouldn't have 'loads' of disposable income and the number still remains slightly eye-watering). It was the fact that he kept repeating: "If only I had a way to get the money...." He sounded desperate, but I hate how horrible he made me feel and how badly he went about everything. AIBU to say no - even without giving a reason?

Haha he's still hoping eh?
_

Mumnset is a (mostly) wonderful place. And must have helped thousands over the years.

It's currently helping me through a very distressing time. Have a lovely New Year OP and thanks for the update.

I love a good update ;)

Great Update OP

Must have been so tempting to text back ‘New phone who dis’

@edelweissnights

He emailed me on Christmas Eve saying: 'Hellloooooooo?!'

I ignored it.

Well done OP. He's trying to keep lines of communication open because:

• he wants to appear as friendly and get back into your good graces - after all he's a 'good guy' and
• you may be a potential line of credit/favour provider in the future if you ever weaken.. 🌹

"Oh wow! that sounds so stressful!! Gee I wish you'd called me just a few days earlier as I've just invested the lot and can't access it for 3 years!"

sorry for your loss and the guy's a tosser.

What a CF! I have never heard of anyone doing this before . Tell him no way and maybe block! He sounds unbelievable !

It's a pity you didn't read the email, @edelweissnights , so you could tell us what it said. It's not like he'll know whether you read an email or not anyway.

I know this is an old thread but I've only just seen it.

Don't say 'sorry I can't '

Say, 'no I won't '. Goodbye.

Has he messaged again since the “hellloooo’ email?

I personally would’ve asked DP to answer the phone & simply tell him that you’re upset at the amount of people feeling entitled to a ‘loan’…

or I’d have emailed back and told him that you’re upset that he sees you as someone to fund his extravagant lifestyle and want to make it very clear that there is no ‘pot of money’ put a side for loaning/giving to other people and that no is your final answer answer to his question.

i wonder if the ex gave up her 3 figured salary after their divorce because she was then expected to pay her out of work ex husband child maintenance of some sort!! Seems odd that the large house wasn’t sold off during the divorce and assets split!… same for the cars etc.

let’s hope he has the sense to move his children to normal state schools asap, with northern parent earning anymore he needs to give himself a realty check… maybe the ex will suddenly find a job again too should she realise her little angles school fund has ceased!!

Do not give this person any money! What a terrible friend. A good friend does not ask a grieving friend for money. Also inheritance aside he has no right to assume that because you’re childfree you have disposable income to loan to him.
his financial situation is a result of his choices-he chose to have kids, he chose to quit his job. He should have saved up a bigger safety net prior to quitting, or not quit at all if it meant not being able to pay his mortgage/ bills.

Well done @edelweissnights to ignoring attempts to contact. I'm sure this must have been awful, stressful crap to deal with let alone with coping with your own loss. I really think he's got he message by now. Best wishes for the New Year.