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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is racist?

194 replies

RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 09:52

Hey everyone, I'd love some opinions on this situation.

I have recently started a new job in France. My colleague asked me where I was originally from, I told her that I was a Romani, born in England. Hence the accent.

But then it escalated when she went " But you are white" , I insisted that I wasn't white." My mum is a Romani from Ireland and my father a Romani from Romania.

The next day, the same colleague approached me and said " You need to stop saying you're a Gypsy, you don't look like one, why describe yourself as someone who steals and begs?"

She said that sh*t front of 5 other people, and nobody seemed surprised
. I just hesitantly responded " That's pretty racist".

Omg, then the " you are white" blablabla started. My partner then agreed, when I told her, that I should just say I am English because we aren't perceived as a "good" community.

I already know how we are perceived and treated and refuse to deny my identity.

Am I crazy, or is it highly inappropriate, regardless of my skin colour?

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 07/12/2023 09:53

I agree with you.

Catza · 07/12/2023 09:59

Completely inappropriate. I would report to HR as I am sure they have similar discrimination laws in France as we do in the UK.

Fraaahnces · 07/12/2023 10:00

Utterly racist - and ignorant. Report her to HR.

Junemoon222 · 07/12/2023 10:00

This reply has been deleted

We're afraid we don't believe that the OP is genuine so we've removed their threads and posts.

Alohapotato · 07/12/2023 10:02

RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 09:52

Hey everyone, I'd love some opinions on this situation.

I have recently started a new job in France. My colleague asked me where I was originally from, I told her that I was a Romani, born in England. Hence the accent.

But then it escalated when she went " But you are white" , I insisted that I wasn't white." My mum is a Romani from Ireland and my father a Romani from Romania.

The next day, the same colleague approached me and said " You need to stop saying you're a Gypsy, you don't look like one, why describe yourself as someone who steals and begs?"

She said that sh*t front of 5 other people, and nobody seemed surprised
. I just hesitantly responded " That's pretty racist".

Omg, then the " you are white" blablabla started. My partner then agreed, when I told her, that I should just say I am English because we aren't perceived as a "good" community.

I already know how we are perceived and treated and refuse to deny my identity.

Am I crazy, or is it highly inappropriate, regardless of my skin colour?

Yes is racist but in France, Portugal and Spain travellers are usually dark skin , I was surprised when I moved to UK and saw that here travelers are blond with blue eyes and pale skin.

CatherinedeBourgh · 07/12/2023 10:04

Shocking. But the level of racism in France against Romani is blatant (and institutional).

I had the landlord of a house I was renting come round to warn me that travellers had arrived in a town 3km away. I looked puzzled and she said 'well it's their job to steal, right, so you should be more attentive to keeping everything closed'. WTAF?

Needless to say we had no problems at all with anyone from that community (never even saw them) in the 5 months we were there...

ManateeFair · 07/12/2023 10:04

Of course it's racist.

Dotjones · 07/12/2023 10:06

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TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 10:06

Yes but it’s France. Views are more openly expressed.

Gremlinsateit · 07/12/2023 10:10

Yes it’s France, where racist insults are a criminal offence. OP, you should speak to HR if you feel up to it.

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:13

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I don't get it? How are am I displaying racism? When did I say the "English way is right?" The right way, is when people do not stereotype me or everyone in the Romani/Gypsy/Travellers community.

If you think racism is acceptable because of "culture, that's very sad.

OP posts:
flowerchild2000 · 07/12/2023 10:14

That's horrible. So are all the comments here excusing it. I grew up in the American South where black men are still to this day lynched. It's a cultural thing, and those views are openly expressed- there was even a large sign in our town warning them, "When the sun goes down get your black ass out of town". So it's ok right? Excusing any level of racism in any form is guess what.. racist!

Dexterwontstopfarting · 07/12/2023 10:17

You are totally right. Such behaviours in ANY country are unacceptable.
Steals and begs?? Ask her if she eats smelly cheese and has hairy armpits, as that's what French Women are stereotypically meant to be like .......

LittleRedDots · 07/12/2023 10:17

This would be a sackable offence where I work. At minimum a written disciplinary.

caramac04 · 07/12/2023 10:17

Definitely racist. No one should have to hide their ethnicity to confirm to other peoples ideas.

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:17

TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 10:06

Yes but it’s France. Views are more openly expressed.

I have never lived outside England/Romania/Hungary/Bulgaria/Ireland. Trust me, even in those countries, views are very open.

Romania is the most anti-Romani country imo. I got a better treatment in the street, because I look white.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 07/12/2023 10:18

I don’t see anywhere that OP stated that the English way is right. That’s weird.

mollyfolk · 07/12/2023 10:20

It is highly inappropriate. I’m generalising but I’ve experience of casual racism being more common in France. I was at a party and someone was telling a joke about Chinese people - pulling their eyes and all these well off, “respectable” French people were laughing their heads off! I was looking around going WTF, I just don’t think that kind of carry on is acceptable here.

WinterDeWinter · 07/12/2023 10:21

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Oh my god.

Even if she had said that 'the English way is right', it STILL wouldn't be racism.

babybrum · 07/12/2023 10:22

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Stereotyping races isn't okay no matter your "culture" or where you live in the world. So, yes the "English way" would be right in this case, although I don't know what you mean by that as if racism isnt prominent in England too

sweetpickle23 · 07/12/2023 10:22

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This is nonsense.

For a start OP didn't state that the English way is right, and in any case you can't be racist towards English people.

OP what happened to you is definitely racism, I would report it.

oldwhyno · 07/12/2023 10:23

Of course it's racist. You aren't going to change social attitudes in France any time soon though, so you pays your money, you takes your choices.

Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 10:26

Of course all those comments about travellers are racist. No question about it.

But I suppose they asked where are you from, not what is your ethnicity?

Telling someone you are from the UK does not mean you are not proud of your heritage/ ethnicity, or that you are hiding it, it just means you tell people where you are from.

a bit like a fourth generation person of Indian decent, who would probably say they are from Birmingham, and not that they are Indian and one parent is Punjabi…

unless it is important to you that people know your ethnicity- then crack on

Peanutcookies · 07/12/2023 10:26

How dare they, I would raise a formal complaint to HR. I am disgusted that in this day and age, discrimination against gypsies and travellers is still socially acceptable because you’re all the same colour.

I appreciate that Romani/ gypsy/ travelling culture is not widely understood. I think this is a good opportunity for you to educate them and firmly tell them that society’s negative perception of your culture is not true.

SherbetDips · 07/12/2023 10:34

That’s what the French are like, they aren’t woke over there.