Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is racist?

194 replies

RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 09:52

Hey everyone, I'd love some opinions on this situation.

I have recently started a new job in France. My colleague asked me where I was originally from, I told her that I was a Romani, born in England. Hence the accent.

But then it escalated when she went " But you are white" , I insisted that I wasn't white." My mum is a Romani from Ireland and my father a Romani from Romania.

The next day, the same colleague approached me and said " You need to stop saying you're a Gypsy, you don't look like one, why describe yourself as someone who steals and begs?"

She said that sh*t front of 5 other people, and nobody seemed surprised
. I just hesitantly responded " That's pretty racist".

Omg, then the " you are white" blablabla started. My partner then agreed, when I told her, that I should just say I am English because we aren't perceived as a "good" community.

I already know how we are perceived and treated and refuse to deny my identity.

Am I crazy, or is it highly inappropriate, regardless of my skin colour?

OP posts:
Catza · 07/12/2023 10:35

Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 10:26

Of course all those comments about travellers are racist. No question about it.

But I suppose they asked where are you from, not what is your ethnicity?

Telling someone you are from the UK does not mean you are not proud of your heritage/ ethnicity, or that you are hiding it, it just means you tell people where you are from.

a bit like a fourth generation person of Indian decent, who would probably say they are from Birmingham, and not that they are Indian and one parent is Punjabi…

unless it is important to you that people know your ethnicity- then crack on

I don't think that's the issue here. The issue is the person suggesting the OP shouldn't disclose her identity because surely she wouldn't want to be seen as a bag-snatcher and a professional beggar. Thus the colleague is stereotyping the OP based on racial prejudice.

OhpoorMe · 07/12/2023 10:39

Her description was absolutely racist but I don't understand "I insisted that I wasn't white" if you are from the UK, where Romani is described as "White Roma"?

Catza · 07/12/2023 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

"English" and "French" are not races but nationalities, therefore even if the OP said the "English way was best" she would not be displaying racism.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/12/2023 10:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Poster experiences racist comments at work.

'But all French are racist. So you're racist to expect them not to be racist'.

FFS.

Finteq · 07/12/2023 10:40

It's a different culture.

Things that are normal there will seem racists here.

Yes the stuff the colleague said would be considered racist- but I'm not sure how it would be taken in France. You can make a complaint, but again if attitudes are different it might not go anywhere.

There are certain counties classed as racists by people of certain ethnicities. Most English( white) wouldn't consider those countries racists.

France is considered quite racist in my circle of friends and family. Compared to the UK anyway.

Finteq · 07/12/2023 10:42

LittleRedDots · 07/12/2023 10:17

This would be a sackable offence where I work. At minimum a written disciplinary.

Do you work in France?

Jztbrzzsy · 07/12/2023 10:43

Racism against Romanis and Travellers are definitely the last 'acceptable' forms of prejudice - acceptable in the sense that people seem to have no trouble verbalising this hate!. It's terrible. Imagine someone saying that about any other race.

And I say this as a mixed race person.

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:43

@Nevermind31 I understand what you mean. However, I don't really have a "where I am from". I do not feel English, or British. I have lived mostly in Eastern Europe and England/Ireland. Even there, Irish travellers from 4 or 5 generation - Like my mother- do not call themselves "just" Irish.

I do not feel like I belong to any country.

OP posts:
Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:47

SherbetDips · 07/12/2023 10:34

That’s what the French are like, they aren’t woke over there.

Is that sarcasm ?

OP posts:
Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 10:49

Catza · 07/12/2023 10:35

I don't think that's the issue here. The issue is the person suggesting the OP shouldn't disclose her identity because surely she wouldn't want to be seen as a bag-snatcher and a professional beggar. Thus the colleague is stereotyping the OP based on racial prejudice.

Show quote history

Oh yes, that bit is racist without a question.

Kisskiss · 07/12/2023 10:49

I feel offended reading that!!! Report to Hr

Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2023 10:51

Internally I’d punch her in her nasty mouth!

In real life you report her to HR and hopefully she’s strongly reprimanded.

Str8talkin · 07/12/2023 10:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IdealisticCynic · 07/12/2023 10:55

Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 10:26

Of course all those comments about travellers are racist. No question about it.

But I suppose they asked where are you from, not what is your ethnicity?

Telling someone you are from the UK does not mean you are not proud of your heritage/ ethnicity, or that you are hiding it, it just means you tell people where you are from.

a bit like a fourth generation person of Indian decent, who would probably say they are from Birmingham, and not that they are Indian and one parent is Punjabi…

unless it is important to you that people know your ethnicity- then crack on

Hmmm. Maybe.

But as a brown woman born in London, I can confirm that no one who asks me where I am from cares is actually asking which part of London I was born in…

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:56

@Finteq

How is racism/discrimination/prejudice accepted because of "culture". I am a Lesbian, so it's OK for people to hate on me in "conversative" countries? Antisemitism is OK because some cultures are Anti-Israel ? Islamophobia, racial discrimination, segregation too?

So, I should forget about my ethnicity, culture, heritage because otherwise it's gonna be acceptable to hate me?

OP posts:
Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2023 10:57

IdealisticCynic · 07/12/2023 10:55

Hmmm. Maybe.

But as a brown woman born in London, I can confirm that no one who asks me where I am from cares is actually asking which part of London I was born in…

Show quote history

Right 😗.

Say London and you get the old - ‘Where are you really from’…

TizerorFizz · 07/12/2023 10:58

@RomaniWoman Who issues your passport? Just say that’s where you are from. You aren’t in the uk and different attitudes are held elsewhere. Why open up
a debate on a question you were not asked?

godmum56 · 07/12/2023 10:59

Nevermind31 · 07/12/2023 10:26

Of course all those comments about travellers are racist. No question about it.

But I suppose they asked where are you from, not what is your ethnicity?

Telling someone you are from the UK does not mean you are not proud of your heritage/ ethnicity, or that you are hiding it, it just means you tell people where you are from.

a bit like a fourth generation person of Indian decent, who would probably say they are from Birmingham, and not that they are Indian and one parent is Punjabi…

unless it is important to you that people know your ethnicity- then crack on

yes its horribly racist but this ^^ ....also not sure why being a British Romani makes you not white?

IdealisticCynic · 07/12/2023 10:59

Dweetfidilove · 07/12/2023 10:57

Right 😗.

Say London and you get the old - ‘Where are you really from’…

Show quote history

Exactly!

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

No, but I have seen many drunk White English shit on the pavement, grown men harassing women on the bus. Heard of countless pedos, serial killers, criminals, homophobes, racist, Brits.

I have never done anything of what you are saying. Neither have I seen it.

I am not White. In my culture, Romani is regarded as a "separate" ethnicity.

OP posts:
Melodyy · 07/12/2023 11:00

This is blatant racism. I'm sorry you went through that OP.
As other have said, I would complain to HR about this.

CasaAmarela · 07/12/2023 11:00

OhpoorMe · 07/12/2023 10:39

Her description was absolutely racist but I don't understand "I insisted that I wasn't white" if you are from the UK, where Romani is described as "White Roma"?

I don't understand this either.

Finteq · 07/12/2023 11:03

RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 10:56

@Finteq

How is racism/discrimination/prejudice accepted because of "culture". I am a Lesbian, so it's OK for people to hate on me in "conversative" countries? Antisemitism is OK because some cultures are Anti-Israel ? Islamophobia, racial discrimination, segregation too?

So, I should forget about my ethnicity, culture, heritage because otherwise it's gonna be acceptable to hate me?

I haven't said it was acceptable.

I said that's what we tell our kids as a protective mechanism so they know how to deal with. To protect them.

As people who face racism and other forms of abuse frequently I need to teach my kids how to face up to it.

So there are countries they know are racist. And they know they should be extra careful if they decide they want to go there. It shouldn't have to happen. But if I pretend to my kids that everything is hunky dory- they've got a rude awakening coming.

And no that doesn't excuse the way you've been treated, but I don't know enough about France and how seriously this incident would be taken there.

therealcookiemonster · 07/12/2023 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

are you feeling ok? culture is not an excuse for racism and if it is part of a culture, that culture needs to change.

Original poster
RomaniWoman · 07/12/2023 11:03

@TizerorFizz I didn't open any debate. I said I was a Romani from England. That's it. It is what I am. I answered the question, my colleague is the one who continued her things.

Why is it so shocking ?

OP posts: