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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not going to work party as DH can't come

248 replies

LimaLoo · 06/12/2023 22:47

This year my office has changed up the Christmas party system.
There are about 60 of us at the London office all in, and usually each team plans its own night out or meal. This year they have decided we are having a "proper party" and rented a boat with drinks etc. It's next Thursday.
Each team is getting pizza in the office, and doing secret Santa exchanges then an early finish so people can come home and get ready, then the party on the boat, everyone has a +1, so I was taking my husband. However now my parents can't babysit so DH would have to stay home.
I'm now thinking, the pizza and secret Santa in the office is enough of a celebration for me, I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.
I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?

OP posts:

peachgreen · 06/12/2023 22:48

I mean, you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t want to go, but I’m not sure I would admit that you’re not going because your husband can’t come. It’s a bit wet.

Muchof · 06/12/2023 22:49

I bet there will be loads of people without a plus one!

saraclara · 06/12/2023 22:49

I'd try to come up with a less wussy excuse, in your position.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 06/12/2023 22:50

What @peachgreen said!

Can you not take a mate as your plus 1 instead?

SisterMichaelsHabit · 06/12/2023 22:50

I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?
They didn't do it for you personally, they did it for everyone. Unless they are close colleagues, I don't think they'll even notice if you swerve it and 59 other people turn up, they'll be too busy.

ChiIIieP · 06/12/2023 22:50

Yeah I'd be a bit embarrassed saying I'm not coming because my DH can't come, I'd like to think I'm a big girl and could go to my work event without him.

snowlady4 · 06/12/2023 22:52

Sounds like a fab Christmas party! I bet you'll enjoy it if you go.. it's only a few hours!
In my work we don't even get a card so I would make the most of it while you have the opportunity!

GoldDuster · 06/12/2023 22:53

Don't overthink it, the social committee won't even notice you leaving. If you genuinely aren't having fun then get your coat and go. You never know, you might enjoy yourself.

Reach9kat · 06/12/2023 22:54

Quite like that we don't get a plus 1 to my Xmas party. Means we actually socialise with work mates. If my hubby was there I would just be 'stuck' with him all night as he wouldn't know anyone. Or he would be getting v drunk and chatting rubbish to everyone as he doesn't know anyone.

Jztbrzzsy · 06/12/2023 22:58

Don't go if you don't want to, but it's a bit childish not to go just because your DH won't be there.

Clydagh · 06/12/2023 23:01

Having a +1 for a work Christmas party is quite unusual — ate you saying you never go to work events unless your DH can attend too?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 06/12/2023 23:05

Why would you tell them it’s because your DH can’t be there, it not like they disinvited him. That’s down you guys.

If you don’t want to go now just say you’re not able to attend.

1983Louise · 06/12/2023 23:07

Just say something has come up family wise, I don't think they'll miss you if it's a large group.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 06/12/2023 23:08

You don't have to go if you don't want to, but let the organiser know.

just say you now can't make it, if you say it's because your husband can't come, you'll sound like a complete wet wipe!

you have heard of babysitters?!

CharlotteStreetW1 · 06/12/2023 23:14

Unless they are close colleagues, I don't think they'll even notice if you swerve it and 59 other people turn up, they'll be too busy.

Always assuming a load more don't also cancel. I've seen events ruined because a lot of people assumed they would be the only ones cancelling but they weren't.

WandaWonder · 06/12/2023 23:17

So you as a grown up need to have you DH with you or you can't go to an event? seriously?

TheChosenTwo · 06/12/2023 23:19

Saying you don’t want to be out late with people you don’t like or know implies that you’d only have spent the entire party glued to your dh anyway.
How don’t you know your colleagues?
Dh isn’t invited to my work Christmas party and I’m glad, he’d not know anyone and I’d feel like I had to babysit him. Which would make it the opposite of a work Christmas party for me. I see enough of Dh as it is.
Just tell the organiser you can’t make it now, don’t know why you agreed in the first place to be honest!

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/12/2023 23:29

YANBU to not go. You're not in work time, you do not owe them your free time.

Just don't use the husband not coming excuse, that's just silly. Either say you've been unable to get a babysitter OR say nothing. Are these people who you don't really like even going to notice when you don't turn up on the boat? Probably not, they'll be too pissed to notice.

If it was me, I would say nothing and not go. In fact, my last ever work Christmas Do, I did just that, was there for the shitty stuff they did during work hours, as soon as it hit 5pm, I fucked off home. Why would I want to spend my evening with a bunch of drunk cunts I can't stand the sight of?!

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 06/12/2023 23:36

Absolutely do not say its cos you can't bring Dh, personally I would lose a lot of respect for someone who said that. I don't understand why you don't just go yourself? Surely you do things independently? But if you genuinely do not want to go just politely decline, if anyone queries it just say you have clashing plans. I can't imagine anyone taking issue with that.

CKL987 · 06/12/2023 23:50

God, I wouldn't want to take my DH to my xmas party even if I could. Bringing in a mix of people who don't know anyone to a group of people that know each other sounds painful. However, I have a group of people at work that are my friends and I regularly socialise with, so maybe I'd feel differently if I didn't.

SleepingBeautySnores · 07/12/2023 00:05

I'm amazed that so many of you think the OP is being a wuss if she choses to bow out because her DH can't go to the party with her. Maybe, like me and my DH, she actually likes him, and would enjoy the party much more if he were with her. I used to like my colleagues, (I'm no longer able to work) but given the choice, would far sooner spend an evening with my DH. Hence in the OP's shoes, I too would probably cancel.

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/12/2023 00:09

I'd hate the party cos being on a boat makes me seasick.

Either say now that you're not coming or be silent until the actual day and then start feeling a bit ill around lunchtime and by the end of the day you're really sorry but you're going to have to head home. Next day everyone else will be too rough to remember to ask how you're feeling.

Isittimeformynapyet · 07/12/2023 00:12

snowlady4 · 06/12/2023 22:52

Sounds like a fab Christmas party! I bet you'll enjoy it if you go.. it's only a few hours!
In my work we don't even get a card so I would make the most of it while you have the opportunity!

Yay!

WinterNamechange · 07/12/2023 00:20

I would come up with a better excuse if I were you. If I had a colleague who wouldn’t go somewhere if their husband couldn’t come, it would massively change my opinion of them and not in a good way…Nothing wrong with not wanting to go, but come up with a better excuse than one that will make you look a bit pathetic:)

Newestname002 · 07/12/2023 00:22

@LimaLoo

In the same situation, what would your husband do? 🌹

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