Not going to work party as DH can't come

[LimaLoo]

This year my office has changed up the Christmas party system.
There are about 60 of us at the London office all in, and usually each team plans its own night out or meal. This year they have decided we are having a "proper party" and rented a boat with drinks etc. It's next Thursday.
Each team is getting pizza in the office, and doing secret Santa exchanges then an early finish so people can come home and get ready, then the party on the boat, everyone has a +1, so I was taking my husband. However now my parents can't babysit so DH would have to stay home.
I'm now thinking, the pizza and secret Santa in the office is enough of a celebration for me, I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.
I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?

I was going to say exactly the same thing!! I would cancel too, i’d love to spend an event like this with my husband! Why people think it’s pathetic to spend time with their partners is beyond me 🤷‍♀️

You're in the minority, I'm afraid!

I loved my late DH to bits and enjoyed every minute I got to spend with him. I would definitely have preferred him to come along to something like this, it would have been way more fun and I would have been much more comfortable. But there's a difference between "I like it better when he's there" and "if he can't come I'm not going".

We used to have an annual boat party with all of the suppliers to our department. It was great as they’d buy the drinks all night, but there was one particularly nice but boring bloke who would make a beeline for me every year and not leave my side all night. It was slightly torturous as there was literally nowhere to go other than the toilet!

Nobody's saying it's pathetic to spend time with their partners. But it is a bit pathetic to not be able to spend time without them.

Honestly, I used to be that girl, and would have said it was because my relationship was just so ~~~speshal and clearly our love was just deeper than everyone else's etc etc. Nope, it was anxiety, plain and simple. I was afraid to be without him. Once I got the anxiety treated I realised that a strong, fulfilling relationship allows you to be independent and that coming back together after an evening apart and swapping stories is a more joyous and loving experience than being constantly attached at the hip.

Nobody has to go to a works party if they really don't want to, so you're fine on that front. However not wanting to go because DH cannot come is a bit extreme (unless you have social anxiety or something). Just do the pizza thing and be too tired/bit under the weather for the other thing.

How needy that you can’t go to a party without your husband. Would dread to end up like that

It's a works Christmas party so not sure why you'd need your DH there. It's not like you won't know anyone; you'll be with all your colleagues.

However, it's obviously not compulsory to attend so don't go if you don't want to; I don't think it's a big deal.

@confusedaboutclothes

I was going to say exactly the same thing!! I would cancel too, i’d love to spend an event like this with my husband! Why people think it’s pathetic to spend time with their partners is beyond me

Its not pathetic to want to spend time with your husband. It is pathetic if you can’t function socially without them. Critical distinction.

Nobody's saying it's pathetic to spend time with their partners. They're saying it's pathetic to be incapable of spending one evening without them.

I adore my DP. I absolutely love spending time with him. But I am also capable of enjoying myself when he's not there.

It's a bit feeble. Can't you take a friend.

I hate boat parties because once it's set off you can't leave! So no showing your face for an hour. I also prefer hanging out with my H to many other activities but I'm joining the chorus of people saying don't mention your H when you make your excuses because it makes you sound like a drip.

Thank you. We like our little evenings together. A cup of Redbush, an Abernethy biscuit, a Hobnob, and a Scotch for him and a sherry for me, and a bit of long-form TV . At the moment we're just finishing Twin Peaks - the Return'. For the third time in 8 years! Next is Mad Men. How could a bunch of office dweebs yammering on about their car or their baby or their kids' school compare with that?

If you don’t want to go, don’t go. Just say babysitting fell through- they don’t have to know DH could stay home.

@ButterCupPie

Thank you. We like our little evenings together. A cup of Redbush, an Abernethy biscuit, a Hobnob, and a Scotch for him and a sherry for me, and a bit of long-form TV . At the moment we're just finishing Twin Peaks - the Return'. For the third time in 8 years! Next is Mad Men. How could a bunch of office dweebs yammering on about their car or their baby or their kids' school compare with that?

Nice try but you laid it on too thick there LOL.

Yeah, I would probably feel the same as you and would just say your childcare has fallen through, not mention your DH.

Well I wouldn't be bothered going to the drinks if I had to 'go home and get changed' from London!!

I worked in the city in my 20s and no one lived less than an hour from work, DH is two hours door to door from his office in the city.

So I would just not go, husband or not.

Really? It’s not a party with friends, it’s a work party. And on a fucking boat with no escape at that. I understand the whole taking partner to make it more enjoyable.

Did you read the OP? She doesn’t want to go because she doesn’t really like the people.

Boat parties you can’t leave after an hour. It would be a hell no from me even if DH was available.

You need to come up with another excuse or you'll have people gossiping you have a controlling husband.

Be honest, say you can't be bothered because of the early meeting. Or take a pal and restrain your alcohol intake

She manages to go to work with these people without her husband holding her hand to get through the day doesn’t she?

Next thing you’re going to be saying is that OP wouldn’t be able to catch a flight with strangers without her husband because she won’t be able to get off mid flight and she would be lonely without DH.

honestly peoples pathetic ness never fails to astound me

If she’s this stressed out about being away from him she probably does have a controlling husband.

Personally I'd have said no the minute the boat was mentioned, it sounds like my idea of hell.

However, if I'd already said yes and wanted to go I'd now find out if everyone else was taking a plus one. If they were I'd ask if I could bring a friend or not go if I was going to be the only one on my own.

Saying this I'm not the best person to advise about Christmas parties as I hate them!

@gamerchick I'm with you about the excuse, hence my suggestion of just politely declining.

I don't agree with work parties being other than for those you work with, as bad relationships, people not wanting to come out, or any one of a number of domestic issues are something you should have the choice of keeping to yourself.

Ask a lonely friend to join you?

I’m going to my mates work Xmas party on Saturday as her plus one. We both have DH’s who don’t socialise at all so this is a win:win for both of us. She gets to have fun and bitch about her (useless male) colleagues to me. 😂