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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not going to work party as DH can't come

248 replies

LimaLoo · 06/12/2023 22:47

This year my office has changed up the Christmas party system.
There are about 60 of us at the London office all in, and usually each team plans its own night out or meal. This year they have decided we are having a "proper party" and rented a boat with drinks etc. It's next Thursday.
Each team is getting pizza in the office, and doing secret Santa exchanges then an early finish so people can come home and get ready, then the party on the boat, everyone has a +1, so I was taking my husband. However now my parents can't babysit so DH would have to stay home.
I'm now thinking, the pizza and secret Santa in the office is enough of a celebration for me, I don't want to be out until late with a lot of people I don't even really like or know, plus I have a 10am meeting on the Friday anyways.
I appreciate the social committee have put a lot of work into this but AIBU to say I don't want to go if DH isn't going to be there?

OP posts:
Inthebathagain · 07/12/2023 06:18

Grown woman posts on MN as she doesn't want to go to works party now.

I despair.

Brexile · 07/12/2023 06:21

I've never fancied boat parties since a colleague of my Dad's lost his son in the Marchioness disaster, but I think I'd come up with a more socially acceptable excuse like no babysitter. As this is the truth in your situation, it sounds quite simple.

(Although if you aren't scared of boats and the vibe isn't too couple-y, it should be fine to go on your own. Find out if others are coming without plus-ones and then take a view.)

cerisepanther73 · 07/12/2023 06:22

Why not come to this Christmas works boat party with your friend and have a, good laugh and times with then?

It's not set in stone that it has to be a partner to bring along with events like this,

your work mates will just appreaciate that you are there,
that's it really..

adventadvent · 07/12/2023 06:23

I'm not going to ours
Not because there are no +1's, because I cba to go all the way to london, have to stay over, and then come all the way the next day hanging

margotrose · 07/12/2023 06:29

SleepingBeautySnores · 07/12/2023 00:05

I'm amazed that so many of you think the OP is being a wuss if she choses to bow out because her DH can't go to the party with her. Maybe, like me and my DH, she actually likes him, and would enjoy the party much more if he were with her. I used to like my colleagues, (I'm no longer able to work) but given the choice, would far sooner spend an evening with my DH. Hence in the OP's shoes, I too would probably cancel.

I love spending time with my DH too but we're not glued to the hip and I also like spending time without him.

And let's face it, it is a bit pathetic to say you can't socialise with your work friends because your husband can't come Grin

BusterGonad · 07/12/2023 06:31

I'd be embarrassed to admit to that.

WillowTit · 07/12/2023 06:37

just go, get to know people

theleafandnotthetree · 07/12/2023 06:42

ReadingSoManyThreads · 06/12/2023 23:29

YANBU to not go. You're not in work time, you do not owe them your free time.

Just don't use the husband not coming excuse, that's just silly. Either say you've been unable to get a babysitter OR say nothing. Are these people who you don't really like even going to notice when you don't turn up on the boat? Probably not, they'll be too pissed to notice.

If it was me, I would say nothing and not go. In fact, my last ever work Christmas Do, I did just that, was there for the shitty stuff they did during work hours, as soon as it hit 5pm, I fucked off home. Why would I want to spend my evening with a bunch of drunk cunts I can't stand the sight of?!

Well aren't you a delight! I'm sure they missed your presence dreadfully 🙄

Beefcurtains79 · 07/12/2023 06:42

Is the boat moored? I wouldn’t like it if not, you can’t leave when you choose.

Behindyouiam · 07/12/2023 06:46

SleepingBeautySnores · 07/12/2023 00:05

I'm amazed that so many of you think the OP is being a wuss if she choses to bow out because her DH can't go to the party with her. Maybe, like me and my DH, she actually likes him, and would enjoy the party much more if he were with her. I used to like my colleagues, (I'm no longer able to work) but given the choice, would far sooner spend an evening with my DH. Hence in the OP's shoes, I too would probably cancel.

Going to a social event alone does not mean you don't like your DH!

I love spending time socially with my DH, but I'm quite capable of socialising alone and still enjoying it.

Startingagainandagain · 07/12/2023 06:46

You don't have to go to a Christmas party anyway and you don't need a specific excuse...

My organisation is having one on Friday and I have no intention to go.

Friday is not one of my working days, I have a GP appointment late afternoon that day and don't fancy travelling two hours after (which would be my commute as I work from home most of the time) just to spend an hour or so having a meal.

I have simply said I would not be able to attend. Nobody needs to do about me going to the doctor.

muddyford · 07/12/2023 06:49

If you want to go, go, whether DH can come or not. But don't use his absence as the reason not to turn up.

jemenfous37 · 07/12/2023 06:51

What does 'changed up' mean? Just changed or is this some new obscure way of chaniging things that as a relatively old person, I am unaware of?

lavenderlou · 07/12/2023 06:51

I think there's a lot of unnecessary judgment here. Some people find social events challenging and need the support of someone close to them. OP, if you don't feel comfortable going there's no reason you should feel you have to.

Sailawaytocromer · 07/12/2023 06:51

Sorry, I agree with the people who think it sounds unbelievably wet. It’s one of my absolute pet irritations when people don’t like to go out without “hubby”.

Sammysquiz · 07/12/2023 06:55

If you said you’d go you need to go. People are so flaky these days, somebody has gone to the trouble of organising this event.

startquitting · 07/12/2023 06:57

SleepingBeautySnores · 07/12/2023 00:05

I'm amazed that so many of you think the OP is being a wuss if she choses to bow out because her DH can't go to the party with her. Maybe, like me and my DH, she actually likes him, and would enjoy the party much more if he were with her. I used to like my colleagues, (I'm no longer able to work) but given the choice, would far sooner spend an evening with my DH. Hence in the OP's shoes, I too would probably cancel.

You’re amazed? Some of us like our dh’s and also our colleagues. Mindblowing, isn’t it?

Flubadubba · 07/12/2023 06:58

"Can't get childcare".

That's all you need to say.

tuvamoodyson · 07/12/2023 07:04

margotrose · 07/12/2023 06:29

I love spending time with my DH too but we're not glued to the hip and I also like spending time without him.

And let's face it, it is a bit pathetic to say you can't socialise with your work friends because your husband can't come Grin

Show quote history

Same here, but I can manage without him for one night a year.

YireosDodeAver · 07/12/2023 07:04

If you wouldn't enjoy it and it's outside work time there's no obligation to go, but in your position I would be taking a friend, or going alone because there will be plenty of colleagues who don't have a life partner. I wouldn't dream of letting my colleagues think I couldn't operate socially without my husband.

Brandyginger · 07/12/2023 07:05

I’m in the think you’re a wuss camp if you need your DH to be an adult. Plus I’ve been on the social committee before and it IS rude when people drop out (without good reason, which I think this falls into). Yes the social committee hasn’t arranged it for OP personally but when you add the drop outs for genuine reason it becomes really depressing : plus expensive as you’ve paid for everyone.

Finally OP I am assuming you’re not managing a team so don’t think you need to go to be there for your junior staff (the sole reason why DH does anything - sense of duty) nor are you looking for promotion or need to build any networks within your company (why I used to go to Christmas parties when feeling tired or run down).

theduchessofspork · 07/12/2023 07:06

Well you can do what you want, but -

They’ll be plenty there without a plus one

If you are at all senior or hoping to be, pitching up at the Christmas party is both expected and an opportunity to get to know people. It’s part of your job to go. Having a meeting the next day is neither here nor there.

If you don’t go, for heavens sake don’t say it’s because your husband can’t come, that will come across as very wet and do you no good.

fishonabicycle · 07/12/2023 07:12

I've taken a friend to that sort of thing before... Why not do that if you can't go on your own?

Anisette · 07/12/2023 07:13

Is the boat going to be static or is it going on a trip down the Thames? I always think the second option is a bit grim given that you're stuck till it moors and can't do a quiet exit if you want to.

Go for the headache excuse.

BeautyFromBad · 07/12/2023 07:16

Btw. I think your reason for not wanting to go is perfectly valid. I just don’t think you need to explain yourself. My life has become so much easier since I simply started saying no.