Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

Wow, yeah totally unreasonable to spend that amount on his GF. Id stick to whatever your budget is and he can either like it or lump it!

Mine gets about £50. They’ve been together for 5 years.

If that's what she wants, he can buy it! Stick to your budget.

We have a budget of £20 per person.

Wouldn't dream of asking for something that costs £200

To me perfume is something a partner or someone much closer than a boyfriends parent gets you so I wouldn't buy that anyway.
I'm sure there are other things she would like and enjoy but your son is probably not that attentive and doesn't want to have a good think so this is easier.

YANBU at all. No way would I spend that on my son's GF (who I like very much btw).

Jesus christ! That’s just ridiculous.

YANBU.

Well, I think between £50 and £100 is a lot, but that's ridiculous.
Until they are established partners, I would only be getting some small token gift anyway. But even when they are, they receive what your normal budget is, same as all the other partners.

Good grief, my dc's partner of 2 years is getting a dragon hatpin (D&D obsessive) a packet of Stroopwaffel and a festive bow tie (they wear bow ties)

Worried I've been mean now!

Entitled.

Your budget is very generous. Your DS 8s taking the piss.

I dont spend that much on my DH - not going to happen on a GF

She'd get a token gift from me . £200 on a girlfriend who , let's face it given their age, might not even be his girlfriend this time next year, absolutely not.

Set your standards now OP or the demands will start getting bigger as time goes on.

I don't think it's fair to judge what she spends on her friends- that's their budget. If your son wants to put in £150 towards perfume, can afford it, and wants to- I also don't see the issue. It's not my budget, but everyone is different. If he can afford it, and you are ok with it, I'd do it.

Boundaries, not standards. Sorry.

DH and I have been together for nearly 20 years and his parents spend £100 on me, and my mum spends £50 on him, no way would either spend £200!
Not sure if it's him or her being cheeky but I'd ask him if he has any cheaper suggestions, and if not give her an gift voucher for your normal budget amount.

Together 15 years. Married. Neither of us get that much spent on us from the others parents. My parents are fairly consistent with DH if they're buying for us separately. My in laws vary with me. Sometimes it's a box of chocolates, sometimes it's a kitchen gadget MIL knows I'll like. But it's NEVER been more than 80 quid on my individual present.

You could try what often happens for established couples. Give them a joint present (a gift voucher or cash for a date night etc). And then just spend what you're happy with.

Ds is playing you for a fool. Is he making out his family are super wealthy too?

I'm concerned he might be. She's never been to our house, only met her out for lunch or dinner and always at places they suggest which are almost always more than I'd like to spend on a meal!!

she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

Why doesn’t he get it for her then?

He is massively taking the piss. I’d buy her something around the £30 mark.

If he transfers the difference what does it matter? Why not?

Because it sets a precedent going forward.

But it sounds like he wants to make it look like the OP is spending that much so he's not embarrassed and so he feels it will look like his family spends like hers does. I doubt he will tell gf that he topped up.

Get her the matching body cream instead. That's probably in budget

Because if she does become a permanent part of the family, the precedent has been set that she gets £200 gifts from his parents. And why should she get it if the other 4 don't?

Plus, he knows the budget if that's what it's always been. Why send something double the price?