Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

Stick to your budget, if she likes a perfume look for the body lotion etc that goes with it.

I'd be ashamed if one if my kids weaselled about like this.

As would I. And doubly ashamed if they didn't ask for something more modest than a £200 perfume from their girl/boyfriend's family, particularly if they're aware that they're not as well off.

It would ring a bit of a warning bell for me (and I know plenty of similarly well off friends to her parents).

What a total waste.

I’d reply - “should have specified budget. It’s around £75 ish so can you suggest something that’s more aligned with that so it’s similar to what other partners are getting. Thanks, love mum x”

Yabu to even contemplate getting it op. Your ds isn't in a good relationship if he needs to bow to requests like that..

Gawditswindy excellent find for OP

Surely she can buy her own perfume whenever she wants then, if she's so rich!

Get her a voucher for the place where you can buy it maybe?

Otherwise change what you're getting her. As if!

I'd stick with your budget.

Tell DS its not about affordability, its the principle that you prefer to enjoy a less consumerist Christmas and part if that is giving more modestly. So, you will choose a gift for her that you feel fits with that if he is unable to suggest something in budget.

I’d stick to your budget - otherwise you are setting a precedent.

And I would have a chat with your son. Does he know your normal budget? The polite thing for him to do would be to clarify that with you first. Then he can set expectations with his GF

For this year if either get the smaller bottle or the body lotion. It may be that the GF is actually perfectly happy with that and he just happened to link to the more expensive items when she really just wanted something from that range of perfume within your price bracket.

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!
She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

Your son won't be able to keep her 'in the manner she's accustomed to.' Better she finds out now - and your son doesn't try to buy her affection/keep up with the Jones.

If shes the one, she won't give a shit.

You need to have a frank conversation about this with your son.

How does your son know you so little that he thinks you'll spend that amount of money?

@StarlightLime honestly because it's seems like less hassle

Oh I'm certain she can. I don't think she has asked for it. I think it's my son who knows what perfumes she uses and is suggesting it.
She's actually a lovely girl the times we've met her doesn't come across stuck up at all.
When's she's not at uni she's working, knows her privilege.
We met with her in July for lunch and build a bear came up in convo, for her birthday a month later we got a build a bear voucher for her and she has been sending us pics of the bear in random places since. She was super grateful. I just didn't know what to get her this time as we haven't discussed anything else and my son suggested the perfume.

I guess rich people still like to buy each other gifts. Sounds like OP is pretty well off as are GF family, just because they are rich doesn’t mean they don’t like giving and receiving gifts.

I don’t spend £200 on my own dc so no way would I spend it on one of their partners but maybe that’s because I’m not well off 😬

Why not get something like a pair of gloves/scarf- cashmere?

I suggest a box of chocolates. She can re-gift it if she is on a diet.

Exactly this.

This!

What are you getting him for Christmas? What has he asked for?

Then get her the £42 smaller bottle
of the perfume she wants (not the selection pack which are tiny tiny bottles) and a box of nice chocs, and everyone is happy

BTW, I am pretty well off, and my limit for my (student) DC is £150 each. Boyfriends/girlfriends get a token present.

Well you did ask him, perhaps in future give a budget for him to work with. I would not spent that much though.

That brand has other items- hand cream or sample set. Could you buy something from the brand and then pop a personal gift in?

When you ate out, did she have coffee or hot chocolate to drink? Maybe get a small coffee gift as well?

It's boilleax! We are quite well off.

Their boyfriends/girlfriends have had tokens for up to £30. Make-up bag with their initial and a small L'Occitan soap and hand cream, or a witty coaster and nice socks or beers, little card holder with Starbucks gift cards. They have been delighted. Usually it's been vice versa.

The only shock was a gf's parents who were less well off giving DS £150.00 for his 21st. DH and I were horrified.

I’m going with £50 absolute max for son’s GF, probably half that

I am very into fragrance and in slight defence of the gf it’s a very personal matter and one tends to like what one likes. It doesn’t sound like she has actually requested these things from you anyway.

Selfridges stock both MFK and Kilian. Maybe get a Selfridges voucher for the value of your budget and she / DS can make up the rest.