Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

Bloody hell! My son wants some new trainers and didn't want me to pay all of it - they are £155! He wouldn't dream of asking me to spend £200 on a girlfriend! Absolutely ridiculous.

She collects various different editions of them and a quick message confirmed she doesn't have this particular set.

I would buy something from the market in response to that request! Or a Bayliss and Harding gift set!

what about a cashmere scarf, or a cashmere socks & gloves You can get nice ones for around £50-100.

I definitely wouldn’t do it even if your son pays half, you will be setting a precedent for years to come.
Stick to your budget
He says that’s the only thing she would want, that’s ridiculous, it cannot be the only thing she would want.
Just because she comes from a wealthy background Dosen’t mean that you need to stretch to her level, she needs to get used to ye as a family and no other partners are getting such extravagant perfumes, do you think she told him what she wanted?
There is no way on earth I would spend 200 on a perfume!!

Just send a message back saying the budget is £75 please have another think!
I’ve been married to my DH for 15 years and provided 2 grandchildren. I still wouldn’t expect my in laws to spend more than £100 on me for anything!!

Is there something else from the perfume range that is cheaper ? A handcream or candle or something that would be in the £50 mark? That way she gets something in the scent she likes but isn't ott cost wise

We have a flat ceiling rate of £50 for gifts, and a secret santa. so you only buy one present for one person in the group. And kids can be bought anything fun and age appropriate.

Yanbu but they’re young and naive and if she’s from a rich background she might be used to this sort of thing but clearly clueless if she thinks that’s okay.

Id stick to the budget but Yabvu if you spend less on your children’s partners especially if they’re married than your children themselves. This is bad form.

Give her a perfume voucher

Why don’t you get some festive clothes for the bear?

I suspect your son may lack imagination, so has suggested THE most obvious 😁

Do stick to your budget @BeforeNew, there are so many creatives on MN for suggestions.

It is not a competition, she sounds a lovely girl so I should think a thoughtful gift would also be most appreciated.

Are you spending the holidays together? If not, then token gift is a nice gesture. If yes, then it's nice to open something and spend a bit more, but £200 is not necessary

If she would like this perfume, you have the money, then I don’t really see the problem. Yes, it’s very expensive, but it’s all relative. Buying any gift at Christmas is consumerism, whether a £5 bottle of bubble bath or a £200 bottle of perfume.

Does she play board games? She sounds fun and there are some really random board games about. Quacks of Quedlingburg - for anyone who fancies being a witch doctor? Sagrada - if stained glass windows and 100 dice are your thing 😂?

As about a dozen posters have pointed out, you can buy a smaller £42 bottle of the perfume she has asked for

No idea why OP can’t just do that as it solves all the problems

Does he know how much it is? Very surprised he mentioned it to you.

I’m kinda wondering if OP’s son wants to impress his girlfriend and get her this, but is seeing an opportunity to save some of his own money tbh.

Easy! Buy a Christmas outfit for the bear!

If she's that wealthy then what's the point anyway, she can afford it for herself no bother can't she and equally isn't likely to consider it much of a big deal to receive. Not suggesting that is her fault so much as to the average person it is vastly out of touch.

My DP (of 18+years) parents sent me a £20 amazon voucher every year without fail and a box of supermarket biscuits. My own parents send absolutely nothing, card only.

Great minds!

Would your son spend £200 on you OP? (I suspect I know the answer!)

She sounds really lovely and so I would stick to the idea of getting something someone may already have but a nicer version. Eg you could get her a gorgeous scarf for £50! Or get them something like two tickets to the zoo for a date night if she prefers experiences. I’d steer clear of themed gifts because people will always have what they actually want and nicer versions of it for their hobbies (my husband is big into cooking and any cooking gifts I’ve ever got have gone unused so now I let him choose) 😂 If she plays tennis she will have what she needs for it already! Don’t forget tho it’s the thought that counts.

Please let your son know you don’t appreciate his CF-ery and you hope he’s been clear you aren’t as wealthy! Surely she will see your home etc and click on eventually anyway?

This is so expensive. I only give token presents (£10 ish) to everyone and spend a little more on my children.

That’s what you get when you ask ;)
I’ve stopped asking as I want to spend whatever my budget is. She can poke it.
Do not buy it or half buy it, will only sound worse if she finds out .
buy something you think is suitable at your budget. End of story
anyome who doesn’t appreciate a gift not matter the cost is not worthy!!
I once gave a friend an out of the blue cake tester and she nearly cried ! She was so touched I thought of her and something she needed, the cost was irrelevant.

What about a travel related gift? My brother travels a lot. I went onto his socials, got the name of all the places he had been to and had them made into this poster picture. (I didn't make it, I found it on Not on the High Street). Cost about £35. He loved it.