Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

" she probably wouldn't want anything else"

Too bad, then, I'd say.

I wouldn't spend that much,

This. Spend what you normally would and he makes up the difference. Problem solved.

Is there a smaller bottle available?

Stick to your £50 budget. If you can get something related to his suggestion within budget then do that, if not just get her some fairly generic gift set.

Missing the point entirely but what is the perfume?

Also what @TomatoSandwiches said, he just cba thinking of anything else.

Tell him 50 quid is her limit for that I'd buy - lush bath bomb / fancy candle / small box of truffles.

Nothing excessive or overly personal but all nice and useful.

This is how I would feel. Who cares, spend the £50 and let him top up the purchase. £200 isn’t a lot to you and it isn’t a lot to her either.

It doesn’t sound as though she has actually asked for you to buy this for her, it sounds as though your son is aware of what he thinks she would like. I doubt the perfume actually matters that much to her either way.

Has he forgotten what Christmas is all about and gifting is the thought that counts?

Absolutely ridiculous amount to spend on the partner of a child. If he wants to spend £200 on her - let him.

If she’s expecting that amount and doesn’t want anything else then red flags would be flying at my end about her.

£50 is more than adequate.

My son is the same age, I've bought his girlfriend a dressing gown. No way would I spend £200 but I don't spend that much on my DSs either

I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200
The cheek of it! He sounds quite spoiled, tbh, if he really thinks you should spend this.
Why doesn't he buy it himself if she wants it so badly?

Oh wow!! I didn’t even know there was a perfume that cost that much! Can you get her a voucher for some perfume or a smaller version of the perfume?

There is a problem with buying someone you don't know that kind of thing though. I'm allergic to a lot of cosmetics, much of lush included. DH has issues with the scents from candles making him sneeze. No problem with chocolate (😅). But the bath bomb and candle would be a complete waste of money. My MIL and SIL are also allergic to many brands of things. I have friends who aren't allerigc to lush but absolutely would not use it.

Token gifts are a nice thought, but her bf should be able to name more than one item she'd like as a gift. So she gets something she'll like and his parents don't waste their money.

Even allowing him to send you the difference could cause bad feeling with his siblings and their partners if they notice the discrepancy between their gift and hers.
I'd get them a joint gift of a voucher for one of the restaurants they have eaten with you at and then some chocs and/ or smellies for them each.

I would message back saying sorry the budget is £50 or whatever it is. Otherwise, she is dictating to you and this would make me feel uncomfortable.

He sent 3 different perfumes but all around the same price

• Kilian Intoxicated
• Kilian Love don't be shy
• MFK A la Rose (think this was a little cheaper but not loads)

I haven't heard of any of them or the brands tbh

I’m going against the grain here, but I don’t actually think it’s ridiculous. £200 is no longer that much money.

If they’re wealthy, and you’re wealthy, then I don’t see the issue. Maybe she’d rather have nothing than something she genuinely will use.

Why don't you just put in 50 and he can top up the 150, everyone's satisfied (to a degree)

just get any old thing

No that’s rude and grabby.

My DS ex GF was a proper aristocrat and used to ask for socks!

His current GF is getting hand knitted (by me) scarf and gloves plus some good chocolate.

I’ve been with DH for 15 years and I’ll get a Soap & Glory gift set or a book (only if I ask for a specific book)

Is there perhaps a smaller bottle, gift set of related product like body lotion / powder / soap / candle that’s a bit more reasonable?

@BeforeNew I knew you'd say love don't be shy! It's rhiannas signature scent, I bought a cheap version and it was sickly so I'd like to smell the legit version.

My eldest asked me for a bottle of creed. I look at the price and asked him if he'd like a bottle of old spice and tin of lynx for good measure 😂

Why? Let him spend the £150 on her directly, not on scheming to make it look like his family are wealthier than they are.

I'd be ashamed if one if my kids weaselled about like this.

Sounds like your DS wants you to buy her an expensive gift so the gap between their relative backgrounds isn't so pronounced, as its quite ridiculous that the ONLY thing this young woman would like is this perfume. If there really is no other suggestion forthcoming I'd give her a voucher towards it. There's no way I'd go along with a pretense I'd spent more than I had, on principle.

Good grief. I've been with my husband for over 15vyears. My late FiL used to give me a £30 cheque. To expect a £200 gift is bonkers.

They all do a smaller travel size bottle for under £50

Get that and a couple of token bits and I’m sure she will be very grateful

There you go.

www.cultbeauty.co.uk/kilian-online-mini-disco-set-icons/14935737.html