Not wanting to spend this much on sons GF

[BeforeNew]

DS2 is 21, he has been with his girlfriend a little over a year. We like to keep Christmas budget pretty strict, we could spend more I just hate how consumerist it has become.
My budgets are set in stone really varying between £25 and £200 depending who it is.
Usually for the partners of our kids (we have 5) who aren't with us on Christmas Day we spend between £50 and £100.
I asked DS what I should get for his GF and he sent a link for a perfume costing more than £200.
I'm gobsmacked, we aren't struggling and I do have the money to buy the perfume comfortably but we don't ever spend that much at Christmas.
I called him and said WTF basically and he told me that he'd transfer the difference but she probably wouldn't want anything else!?!

He also told me that for her and her 5 closest friends they are spending around £200 on each person?!!

She's from a very wealthy family (dad is managing partner of a Swiss private bank type wealthy), but this is insane right?!!
AIBU saying I won't spend this much even if my son transfers the difference?!

maybe some nice Ugg slippers in a feminine colour or a lovely bath robe, she may already have some but slippers and robes get a bit tatty after a while and everyone could do with a new pair

https://www.brownthomas.com/women/shoes/slippers/scuffette-ii-slippers/157884932.html?channable=0051f3696400313537383834393332d3&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADtHdaUW58ww8he1dOtnkksvAjJTQ&gclid=CjwKCAiA1MCrBhAoEiwAC2d64Tq-TFs312K0Ico7_wcxGyqwgbcXWwYT7x525YN0Y6vVGfjJfam_2xoC-_AQAvD_BwE

https://www.brownthomas.com/soft-chevron-belted-robe/2000126817.html?cgid=root#q=Dressing%2Bgown&lang=en_IE&start=1

It could be that being from a wealthy family it never even occurs to her that people have budgets and limits.

That's the privilege of wealth. Everything is affordable.

This! 200 no way! It'd be 25 dollar gift card from me.

Or just spend it as you know its definitely what she wants?

Get her a gift voucher for boots or John Lewis for the amount you want where she can put it towards the perfume if she wants it? To be honest if her family is very wealthy she most likely can afford to buy it herself or her family will buy it for her. I really wouldn't give it much thought, if she's super wealthy she probably won't!

I think you've got to start nipping this in the bud. If your son is pretending your wealthier then you are or spending more then he should to keep up, it's not ideal but up to him as an adult.

However you should not have to join in and I personally think it would be better if you don't as it just continued to raise the bar upwards.

For the gift I would get her a set of thoughtfully chosen books or something else that is special to me that I'd like to share with her. She doesn't have to read or like them

I would go for a miniature version of one in a handbag/bun bag for the build a bear. And then something nice to go beside it.

You're not one of 'her 5 closest friends' (boak) so that's irrelevant. Set your cheeky son the £50 budget and get him to find something within it.

What about this https://www.cultbeauty.co.uk/kilian-online-mini-disco-set-icons/14935737.html?affil=thggpsad&switchcurrency=GBP&shippingcountry=GB&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAiA1MCrBhAoEiwAC2d64TyCD72cCGQ3bfTKqeXqf_Q3TpbpQ-qNs_wz36Fo-RHSbOV1ISKQUBoCkO0QAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I’d not get her the perfume but probably a voucher so they can buy it or something she’s keen on. I’d not buy her anything for the sake of buying her something. I really hate when my in laws give me something that I’ve to fake that I love despite I wouldn’t be buying it for myself and it ends up in the annual donate presents you don’t want to the school fayre.

if she’s into perfumes is she maybe into body lotions / candles / diffusers ? I’d ask your son if so whether she’s any other things she likes and maybe spend similar amount to what you’ve spend for others.

I’d give her a £50 John Lewis gift card and she can put it towards the perfume if she wants to. Don’t let your son make up the extra and pretend it’s from you or you’ll set a precedent and she’ll expect a £200 gift every Christmas.

Not at all mean, these are lovely thoughtful gifts! The mean much more I think.

is this the same as the perfume you mentioned? It's £100
Maison Francis Kurkdjian À la Rose Elixirs Perfume Gift Set (4 x 4ml) | Harrods UK

Where does that end? Oh girlfriend really wants this Hermes bag for her birthday!

I find this whole thing distasteful and about as far from any sense of the true meaning of Christmas as its possible to get. It's the most wonderful time of year where the rampant consumerism which already characterises our everyday lives becomes a full on orgy. OP you sound lovely and sensible, the girlfriend sweet if privileged and your son a bit of a shallow fool (at least in this instance). I'd laugh in his face, who does he think he is?

I’ve spent £25 on my son’s gf (same age and same time frame). I thought that was a decent amount. 😯

My main worry would be how the other partners might feel when they get their £50 gift and his DP appears to get a £200 gift, unless you warn them all in advance that he has contributed? For this reason alone, I'd stick to budget.

MFK makes quite a lot of products in À la rose.

There's soap, lotion, candle, etc. https://www.franciskurkdjian.com/int-en/a-la-rose-collection/landing-Alarose.html

One of these things should be in the general price range.

I bought my sons partner gifts that probably total around £100 -£150 but I can easily afford it
They have been together 4 years and are buying a house together
But I’ve made sure it’s stuff I know he will like 🤣

That is a lovely idea! She clearly has a good sense of humour and would probably love this!

Ooohhhh dragon hatpin… off to search.

OP, £200 perfume is ridiculous.

Perfume sounds like an odd present in this scenario anyway, it’s way too personal regardless of cost.

DS and girlfriend have been together four years. Just checked I spent £35 on a book she wanted. Her birthday is this month spent £100 on a silver bracelet. My DILs I do spend more on. It's difficult with a girlfriend isn't it

My son on the other hand can be a bit of a show off perhaps.

Yikes! Your updates make it clear that she’s down to earth and this gift request is your son’s agenda. Time to have a chat with him…..

Point her at Perfume Parlour. They probably do a clone.

Second this