To insist we review all outgoings before cutting cleaner’s hours?

[Rainallnight]

We are very fortunate to be comfortably off and I realise this whole post is a first world problem.

Our cleaner comes twice a week. DP and I agreed this when I returned to work after DC, on the grounds that she simply doesn’t see stuff that needs to be done and it would fall automatically to me.

DP works full time, is the higher earner. I work slightly less than full time and am with DC when not in work.

Our outgoings are too high, and DP wants to reduce the cleaner to once a week.

I think the cleaner looks like the ‘easy’ thing to cut whereas there are hidden costs that could equally be reduced. For example, DP is supposed to be in charge of dinners (planning them if not actually making them) and the planning and shopping is often bad, which means we end up with a lot of expensive M&S convenience food, and Deliveroo.

That’s just an example to show what I mean.

I’m worried that cutting the cleaner will add more drudgery to my life, and want us to do a proper review of outgoing first.

AIBU?

DP is very dogmatic about things and finds it difficult to have a reasonable conversation about stuff like this so it would be good for my thought process to hear others’ points of view.

For anyone who’s voting unreasonable, it would be great to hear your thoughts. Thanks!

The problem is that you work almost full time but do most of the drudgery. Yanbu

Agree a budget for when he's in charge of food. If he sticks to it you can look at other ways to save. It's very convenient for him to suggest cutting back where it will detrimentally affect you but not him

Of course that seems a sensible approach to review all expenditure and income.

However, also worth looking at split of all chores.

Planning and buying food for all meals is a bit chore for one person, so could you do that together. Eg once a week sit and meal plan for the week.ahead and then do a supermarket order

She said we can do a ‘rota’ for keeping on top of stuff between cleaner visits but I know she won’t stick to it, which is why I think it’ll fall to me.

And then I’ll be a nag/critical if I try to tackle that.

Well, that sounds sensible in any case, but it would also be very unfair to unilaterally cut an "expense" that will have an impact on you but not her!

I totally get that, but I do most of the rest of the planning and general housework. I do all laundry, for example

Do you have a budget for food shopping?

I think maybe start with a list of all outgoings and “extras” to debate what could be cut together. Personally the odd Deliveroo is the treat that often keeps me going, and I’d rather clean the oven myself than forgo it.. everyone has different priorities and treats that they enjoy.

Why don't you offer to take the planning, shopping and cooking off her chore list for working days and she does weekends?

But the OP works too.

And is this the right fix? Be a bit shit at something and your partner should then take it on?

I think that's fair.

If there's a budget for making life easier, there needs to be agreement about where it can be most equitably spent.

Also worth you both discussing why the Deliveroo etc keeps happening, and whether the solution might even be spending a bit more in the main shop to avoid panic spending later. Eg if Wednesday is always a nightmare because DP has a big meeting in late afternoon and DC have swimming, anticipate this is a banana skin day and get some decent frozen pizza or something.

DP doesn’t come across well here. Were she a man would be saying they’re clearly sexist!

She’s not willing to do her fair share and doesn’t want to pay for services, and expects you to do it. Disrespectful and uncaring, at best.

If you’re not married wouldn’t make any work compromises that she isn’t making in order to do her share of the parenting and domestic work. She will further increase her personal earning ability at your direct expense, and you’d be in the shit work and money wise if you split up.

I think a cleaner twice a week is excessive, if op wants to keep it then looking at where each of them play to their strengths could help finance it.
I didn't say op would have to do it all, perhaps they could do the planning and get a shopping delivery which would help save time and deciding what is to cook for each day.

Love the phrase banana skin day @TrashedSofa!

I don’t want to get too hung up on the food shopping issue. That was just an example. I guess you could equally look at how much we’re spending on the hairdresser or whatever

Similar discussions in my house. we have cut the cleaner down to 2 x 4 hours rather than 2x5 hours . Is it possible to cut down the overall hours but keep twice a week?

I second what others have said about pre-empting the difficult days and deliveroo orders. I try to have a freezer of “cook” meals: the curries with a microwave packet of rice from the pantry are brilliant and much cheaper than a delivery.

I would swap the meal planning- you shop online for the supermarket delivery, he cooks it. That will save you more money than cutting the cleaner's hours.

Sounds to me like the only reason they have a 2x days a week cleaner is because the OPs dp doesn't pull their weight with cleaning.

And the reason they overspend is because the OPs dp (who manages the food shop) isn't doing it well enough.

OP clearly has experience of their DP not pulling their weight with cleaning, hence the agreement to the cleaner. So I can see that she would be loathe to lose it, knowing that both the cleaning spend and food spend isn't even down t her, but her partner.

Sorry, my wording is assuming both op and partner are female. I should assume, jysg that's what I've interpreted from the OPs posts. Either way, my response is the same.

Then agree that as part of the process you need to agree a realistic food budget and sit to it.

As well as realistic budgets for everything else.

And then see if you can afford the cleaner.

Twice a week is a lot but if you can afford it then fine

I agree that there are other items you could look at cutting back first. And ready meals, though not ideal, come out a lot cheaper than Deliveroo. For me, takeaways are a rare treat but lots of people seem to resort to them several times a week these days.

Another thing to consider is the impact on the cleaner, could they be relying on that money?

I might be way off here but I don't understand why you need a cleaner twice a week?
I'm not against having cleaners in general, but what will be missed if you have them once rather than twice a week? How much will that actually add to your weekly chores?

I think you need a sensible discussion where you both give a little. If you have to do more cleaning because the cleaner is being cut, then the expectation is that something else will also be cut from the budget so the burden of extra work is not all falling on you. I don't think the higher earner should necessarily call all the shots. It needs to be a team effort.

I don't think there's anything wrong to suggest looking at your outgoings at all op, we do it every last quarter and adjust for the next year and to have a target for savings etc.
Maybe approach it in that way, she may be more receptive?

Nice and convenient that it’s something you’d end up doing that gets the not something they would have to pull their finger out for.

The budget should be fully looked at and realistic expectations. Knowing she doesn’t clean can’t be oh but I will because it’s known bs.

Would a compromise be to, say, cut the cleaner from 2 hours twice a week, to three hours once a week?
Along with a similar cut in deliveroo/M&S by stocking the freezer with "instant" but decent and cheaper than the delivered alternative?
ie a bit of take from both your prefered splash cash amounts.